Creative Endeavors

The Mayan Calendar only runs to the year 2012 and then abruptly stops.  Good news for anyone who owes a lot of money on Credit Cards, if you can just hold on a little longer, your misery will soon be over. 

Bad news for all those people who are selling Mayan Calendars.

Started my morning re-loading my music program, the sucker was locked up and I naturally assumed that it was a “hardware problem.”  When I find I have a hardware problem, it is usually located “directly between MY ears” and not in the hard drive. 

Humans are not hard-wired for this stuff, and as we tend to think of ourselves as perfect, somewhat omnipotent, we always assume it is the computer …. Not so.  Vince Gill playlist has a glitch in it and that was the problem, which is by the way, something that “I PUT TOGETHER” and not something that was already on the computer to begin with.  Computers!  I just wanted some Musak to soothe my jagged edges …..

Let me ask you something?  When you are writing a post, article, comment, and that little red flag appears up there on the screen and it informs you that you have a comment, do you go up there immediately or keep on working?  I am just curious.  Often it is awfully hard to just ignore the thing.  I see it, it is as if it is almost screaming at me like a baby that is hungry or something, but I usually resist, until I can wrap up what it is that I am working on. 

Some people have discipline and some do not.  In which camp do you reside?

The other day I am at the barbershop and my cellphone goes off in my pocket.  Not wanting to answer it, I just ignore it, knowing full well that it will drop them in voice mail, it is no big deal to me.  This guy sitting there is bothered by it ringing, he says “You gonna answer that?” and I reply, “Naw, it will go to voice mail.” 

He says, “It might be important, answer it.”  Which kind of irritated me, I mean, “Who is this bozo to telling me to answer my phone?”  I reply, “no big deal, don’t worry about it.”  He then says, “It might be your kids.”

Jeeeze, how in the world does this complete stranger even know I have kids … I just wanted to get my ears lowered and read my paper.  Trying hard not to just stand up and strangle the guy, in a nice, calm voice I reply, “Listen, when you start paying $49.60 per month for this little marvel of technology, then you can tell me what to do with it.”   End of conversation.  I guess I am just technically challenged or something. 

Role Call!  Answer up when you hear yo’ name …. Cell-phone impaired?  … Yo’ here sir!

While we are at it.  Women and cell phones crack me up.  They see a number on their telephone and they do not recognize the number, so they then call the number, and ask who it is on their phone?  Never fails.  I can’t get enough of that, it just amazes the fizz out of me.  I have misdialed numbers and women call me and ask who I am and why am I calling them. Wanting to know if I am personally entered into the Charles Manson early release stalker program or something. 

Jeeeze Louise, it was a wrong number.

My wife yesterday had two of calls of this nature.  She was given wrong numbers by people at work, so the women call her up and ask her what is going on.  And on top of all this … She explains it to them!  This is insane.  I find two or three; sometimes even more numbers on my telephone routinely. 

And I just delete them.  That is a man for you.  Pragmatic … To the point, most always. 

The Lone Ranger has an episode on today with a female sheriff ……  What is this world coming to for crying out loud?  Bad news for Comanche Joe and the folks in Gunstock!  I seem to be on some kind of estrogen rush this morning.

A man in Texas used a loaded gun to scratch his back Thursday and ended up shooting himself. He wasn’t unhappy though; that day he had lots of gold-bond powder in his underpants.  Thinking along these same lines, “If Dick Cheney attended the recent wedding in Crawford, Texas, would that qualify it for the misnomer of a shot-gun wedding?”

Hmmmm Kemo-Sabe … A female sheriff in Gunstock?  Who would’ve ever thought …

I get letters ….. lot’s and lot’s of letters.

000

Unrelated: (But very good)  The Lone Ranger

I remember when I turned forty (which was awhile ago) I got to thinking about my life, and where it was. At that juncture in time, I was making roughly twice what my father and my mother were making (combined) when they turned forty. But my buying power was diminished something like five times. So, the “good ole days” are or were, not necessarily that good.

Now days, my money don’t even slow down when it gets to me. I always have more month than money. Not that I am complaining, far from it, I live a good life, despite it all. I am just commenting. This morning I arose from my comfortable bed, washed my hands in hot water, made a pot of coffee and started my day. A lot of folks around the world were not afforded that luxury.

I am doing alright.

Oil Companies took out a full page ad in USA Today and they had the audacity to proclaim to the reading public “that they only make .08 cents on a dollar invested.” Yeah sure, and if frogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their A** when they hopped. Eight cents on the dollar?

Obscene profits indeed. Had to think on this one.

If they make .08 cents on every dollar, or 8%, then it takes 12.5 cents to make 1 cent. (One divided by .08 cents) So, for every $12.50 dollars they make $1 dollar. Therefore, if they make 40 billion, they must have to make 12.5 times that much to earn the 40 billion. It can be more easily figured by multiplying 40 times 12.5 to get a product of 500. Then add the 9 zeros back on and you will see they have 500 billion (1/2 trillion) invested. Whew!

Please give me a piece of that!  Personally speaking, “put any spin on it you want, I am not buying it.”  Bush recently went to Saudia Arabia “hat in hand” to negotiate for more oil, how sad is that, we are reduced to what is tantamount outright begging.  The crown potentate or head Arab in charge, somewhat amused, said no and then sent him packing. 

Stop buying it, let them EAT IT and see what transpires then.  I am or have been, for a month or two, buying $20 a week and that is it.  Just what I need, now I know a lot of you have to purchase more, and you have my sympathy, but that is all I NEED to get by.

Last week the federal government started sending the stimulus package checks which Bush insists will reactivate the economy. It is not a coincidence they sent the checks last week, just in time to buy presents for Jennas wedding.

Jenna Bush got married this past weekend in a simple ceremony in Crawford Texas. The president walked his daughter to the altar and gave her to the groom while the secret service in the background unveiled a banner that read “Mission accomplished.”

Ahhhh, the splendor of it all, the pagentry … I wonder if Connie got drunk afterwards?

Obammy whats-his-name climbed Bush good yesterday and let him have a little taste of it.  Good for him, someone needs to send this guy a reality check.  He has effectively stopped public opinion under the so-called Patriot Act anyway (no protestors within five miles of him at any time). 

Don’t mess with the Obamma, rumor has it that he is being backed by Oprah.  And we all know how all-powerful she is!  She has people buying books that don’t even read … Don’t mess with Oprah or her protege.

Give me some room to breathe, I am trying to find something amusing in the absurdity of it all, but it is albeit, coming to me very slowly. And it is just not the price of oil setting me off this morning, it is the price of virtually everything (which is basically tied to oil anywho).

The price of everything these days astounds me.

Gasoline is actually cheap, it is just the way or manner in which one would look at it. Or it could possibly be, that everything else is so expensive, it MAKES gasoline appear that way. Here is a list of items that could be purchased by the gallon: This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective to other things we buy.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 — ($10.32 per gallon)
Tube of tooth paste —($4) people that brush their teeth live longer, Madison Avenue.
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 — ($9.52 per gallon)
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 — ($10.17 per gallon)
Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, 12oz. — ($7.46)
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 — ($10.00 per gallon)
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 — ($33.60 per gallon)
Box of Cheerios $3.38, Honey-Nuts are more, $4.12
Honey Nuts? I don’t get that at all, kind like Chicken McNuggets, what part of the chicken is that, exactly?
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 — ($178.13 per gallon)
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 — ($123.20 per gallon)
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 — ($25.42 per gallon)
Cheap off brand Orange Juice, $4.00 — Minute Made $5.78
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 — ($84.48 per gallon)
Box of depends, 20, $4.38 (for the bad days)

And this is the REAL KICKER… Evian water 9 oz $1.49 —($21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyer doesn’t even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive).

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at (you won’t believe it) $5,200.00 a gal.

Five thousand two hundred dollars for ink, unbelievable.  So, if you find yourself at the Root N Scoot this weekend, at the pump filling up, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

There you go! The next time the kids drop by to stick their feet under the table and visit awhile, and that inquisitive baby will ask all the questions, you will have some of the answers.

Stuff like: “Grandpa, has a candy bar always cost $20.00? When did Hillary give dogs the right to vote?”

You will know what to say …

000

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