Friday Out-Take

Friday, always liked Friday, don’t really know why, just do. Maybe it is because there isn’t any Dancin’ With The Stars on Friday, No America’s Got Talent, Survivors, or any of that other Hollywood garbage.

You watch the Emmy’s this year? Don’t feel alone, a great many people did not tune in, we however watched it. Mama likes to see what they are wearing.

Most of it is on loan or borrowed to begin with, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

Celebrities making appearances at awards shows and movie premieres expose an average of 59% of their skin, which is really good if you are a seventeen-year old kid, and your parents are not home.

That percentage is up from 39% in the late nineties. After scanning thousands of celebrity photographs and videos, I am sure they have also determined that the least skin-flaunting decade was probably the seventies, this is because most of the stars were doing good Coke in those days, and hardly even bothered to show up for the awards at all. Let us say 7% of the time that sound reasonable to you?

I figure if the trend continues at this rate, most of the movie stars will completely naked by 2030.

Yesterday I rode my bike over to McDonald’s’ for my morning “Rubber McMuffin” and I happened to note that they have a new menu out. Also have gone up considerably on their prices. Starbucks who was recently cutting back on all their stores nationwide has met the challenge of the recession, by introducing the $2.45 cup of hot chocolate! If you want the “tall cup” it is about $2.85. By the way, this is the same ultra-rich drink that they dropped two years ago, but have decided to bring back, just as pricey but not as rich in taste. 

Isn’t just swell, knowing that during times of tough sledding you can count on your favorite haunts to “raise their prices” and help you through the tough times?

If this doesn’t boil your blood, nothing will. A Wisconsin prison inmate serving time for homicide has been awarded $295,000 by a federal jury because he was forced to sleep on a moldy mattress. Following a 2004 prison riot he was forced to sleep on the mattress for sixty days. I smell the ACLU in the woodpile here somewhere.

But honest … I really needed this stuff yo’ honor. A New York lawyer has failed in his effort to deduct from his taxes the $322,000 he spent on prostitutes, pornography and sex toys. He claimed they were for a medical condition, ED, and I am not talking “Electoral Dysfunction.”  Nice try … No cigar.

Major shocker! Former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken revealed to the world that he is fact, gay. Now that is a real yawner there isn’t it? I mean, other than Ryan Seacrest, who cares?

Here Kitty-Kitty-Kitty! A dispatcher in Casper Wyoming told an officer his services were needed to shoo away a house cat. Instead, the officer found an 80-90 lb. male “mountain lion” at the location. A game warden later tranquilized and relocated the cougar. Talk about an erroneous dispatch.

Sarah Palin’s machine gun toting belly button showing picture hit the tabloids yesterday, once again we are ahead of the curve and I found that somewhat amusing. Another thing I find funny about the Vee-Pee-Wanna-be is how she refers to McSame as her “running mate.” Here is another one that is a real hoot  … “A Palin and McSame administration.”  It appears, that we might have a possible replacement for the all too popular “Bushisms” doesn’t it?

Now isn’t that cute? A lot of folks find themselves enamored with the Vee-Pee Elect because they find her to be “just like me.” I don’t understand why people would think the best person for the job would be just like themselves. This is the problem with America, we are too quick to settle for mediocrity in this country. We have no hero’s left and we should be looking for bright, intelligent, outstanding citizens not ordinary people.

We tried this approach in the past two elections ……. And look where it got us.

  • What’s Obammer’s plan for health care reform … We don’t know.
  • Do you know what McSames’ plan is for the economy … We have no idea.
  • What are Big Joe Biden’s view on the environment … I could not tell you.
  • Big Joe messed up in Ohio this week when he made a speech about “closing all the coal-burning plants” in a coal rich state. Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt Joe.
  • How will Sarah deal with someone like IranHeck if I know.
  • Do you know about her pregnant teenage daughter … Why, of course, I am informed voter you know.

Hippies have been fighting for years to legalize it in Canada. It’s high-quality, enjoyable, and pretty harmless. Today, Vancouver, BC legalized it. Vancouver city council voted Tuesday afternoon to give a green light to low-speed electric vehicles.  One apparent drawback. When the Wonder Bread truck comes at you and T-bones you for running the light, you will do some serious sheet time at the local hospital.

A woman bought a house on E-Bay this week for one dollar and seventy-five cents, sounds good doesn’t it.  Bet you it is only worth a dollar twenty-five by Monday.  Far too many powers have been invoked by the Bush administration under a banner of urgency and fear.  And then of course, they have abused them (the powers granted) now we are once again being asked to bail out the financial sector with no judicial review or Congressional look.

While we are on the subject of dead wood.

Former President Bill Clinton revved up a crowd on behalf of Obammer in Florida Wednesday, his first since the Democratic convention. And though he repeated his mantra that Democrats don’t have to “say one bad word” about their Republican opponents to win the election, Clinton actually snuck in a dig against Sarah Palin.  Might be down there for a box of cigars or something … think about it, it’ll come to you.

Online braggin … After a group of college students hyped their party business on MsSpace by saying they’d hosted more than 100 events. When the state of Oklahoma then hit them with a $320,000 tax bill, the students insisted they’d hosted only 20.

The Marion County Prosecutor’s Office in Indianapolis, Indiana, said Wednesday that no charges will be filed in the strangling of a man who broke into a home with the intention of sexually assaulting a 17-year-old girl. David Meyers, 52, died after a struggle with the girl’s father, Robert McNally, 64, early Sunday morning. Prosecutor Carl Brizzi said McNally acted in defense of his daughter and that charges were not warranted because of the nature of the incident.

Who says there isn’t any justice in America anymore?

At least that is my take on it this Fridayhere in the Heart Land. So all you Bush Lovers, if any of this upset you … you will get over it. If you don’t find yourself with a sense of humor, you more than likely don’t have any sense at all. You can tell anyone and everyone that John Q. Public, at Creative Endeavors, a member of the public or the community, a person, citizen or the public or community personified said that.

Please send all rebuttals and/or comments to the local office of the Republican party, our box is full.

My name is not important, but I did pay for this message.


Vote For Me

After watching this so-called “debate” last night. I have decided that I am going to take action.  I am sure I can do as good as they promise to do.


Here is my platform.

(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned nationwide.  English is the official language, speak it or wait at the border until you can. All ballots will be printed in English only and if you cannot read it, find someone who can or don’t vote. Driving while talking on the telephone, $500 fine nationwide, and forfeiture of the automobile on second offense.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country’s attitude.  NO imports, NO exports.  We will use the ‘China-Mart’ policy … ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ Our #1 burning desire or goal, will be the retirement of the Federal debt.

(3) When imports are again allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on them. This applies to everything from luxury automobiles to baby shoes. NO tax on groceries or medicine nationwide. When up and coming countries come to shop, they can bring back dollars instead of junk.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border.  (1 month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. Northbound? You buy your ticket … You take your chances. 18 years old, you get drafted, serve YOUR country for 2 to 4 years.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state.  If you didn’t put nuttin in, you ain’t gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare – Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. You check positive for drugs, you pick up trash on the highway in order to receive your “free” check.

(7) Professional Athletes/Steroids – The FIRST time you check positive/banned for life. Stop wasting our time with Congressional Hearings, we have more important fish to fry, and you are not it.

(8) Crime – We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand.  There will be no more life sentences, if convicted you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

Contrary to all this Politically Correct nonsense we will impose a punishment that fits the crime. No more segregation of criminals “for their own protection” all convicted baby molesters and rapo’s to be released into the general population of the prison and let them fend for themselves.

People who throw dirty or used diapers down in a parking lot, will be immediately shot … No exceptions.

(9) Our exports will be selective. Wheat, corn or rice. The world needs to eat.  A bushel of each will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. If OPEC and these other petroleum thugs don’t want to participate, then let them eat their oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes.  When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it’s a worthy cause.

Develop and establish a policy of “Charity begins at home, and then adhere to it.”

(11) No more federal insurance for people who build condo’s six feet from the water and expect the rest of us to rebuild them after each and every storm. You live below sea level … buy your own insurance or move uphill.

Send “businessman” overseas to negotiate for the best interests and cut the politicians out of the process completely. Get the brightest and the best …and to hell with the rest. Send them Richard Simmons, they will give him anything we want, just to get rid of him.

(12) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. Establish a national limit to the terms a Senator can serve and impose strict age limits for Congress. If you are 84 years old, you should be sitting on a boat dock in Alabama fishing, not sending kids off to war.

Revamp the current tax system, if General Motors only pays 14% of their gross income … Then the taxpayer should have to pay the same.

(13) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc and sung without personal embellishments, as originally written. Anyone refusing to remove their ball cap should be shown to the nearest exit. Spitting, make a fist, grabbing your crotch while performing will not be tolerated.

(14) National elections will be limited to a 30-60 day period, beginning in July, and no more. If you are elected to office, and choose to run all over the country campaigning, your paycheck and/or benefits, are frozen. When you come back AND START DOING YOUR JOB AGAIN you will be reinstated. Candidates for office should “willingly supply” all documents necessary for election (IE: Birth certificate, residency requirements, etc).

(15) The use of Teleprompters by moron’s and public debate with pre-advanced knowledge of the questions beforehand should be suspended immediately.

If I think of anything else, I will let you know. Please check your local listings for time and place.


Parting shot: “There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.”