It Is Gonna Be Just Fine

Then Joe Biden sez ...

And then Joe Biden sez ....

The 2nd Great Debate went down and now I have everyone explaining it to me as if they didn’t do enough of that last night?

Another taste of the “dumbing down of America” courtesy of CBS, ABC and NBC.

We may soon be losing “Biggy Rat & Itchy Brother” and the replacements, don’t seem to be that outstanding or remarkable to the average voter

(Or as Yummy Mummy calls him … Six Pack Joe).

Other than “ABC’s Dancin’ With The Stars” (please shoot me!) the fare was rather limited. But that is nothing new for television, America’s vast wasteland of entertainment. So I watched the sorry mess last night, and it was not with great anticipation, just out of routine and morbid curiosity you might say.

No new revelations … Kind of like Chinese Food, it is okay while you have it, but later on, you are going to be hungry for something else.

So everything is cool, the “Street” is under control (for the remainder of this year anyway or until the check bounces), we are friends with the Russians (sort of) but they are rattling the swords again. Not like the old days, when they took all of their dangerous stuff and dismantled it.

We then in turn, did the American thing, gave them billions of dollars in cash to spend.

Our biggest trading partner China, which bought up most of our debt in the past, suddenly isn’t anywhere to be found. We bought all of their junk, and as an added bonus, gave them most of our nuclear secrets and technology. They recently launched astronauts into space so they studied well. Bush I understand asked them “if they could see the red states changing color while they were up there?”

So, nothing to worry about.

Now, all the little kiddies that had to duck and cover, hide under their desk in grade school for an Atom Bomb drill, are safe, and they don’t have to worry about their grandchildren either. The economy and oil companies are eating our lunch a little bit slower now (kind of like being snake bit, taking ‘em awhile to kill us all off). We don’t have to worry about “The Big Red Button” and the dog eaters north of the fortieth parallel and we can trust that they will not be tempted to play with their nuclear toys during the upcoming holidays.

Please do not forget … We now have The Alaskan Moose Gooser Yummy Mummy … And she is watching them from her front porch.

About the only disarmament debate that will be important is the short walk to your car after the movies. And perhaps, who is waiting in the parking lot for you and your purse and/or wallet. Lot of folks walking around with no pocket money, hungry kids at home, and no job. Did you notice that McSame neglected the word “Middle Class” last night, just as he did in the debates/convention before.

The Little People no longer count for anything in America. Sorry.

Get back in line and shaddup.

I guess the only thing we have to worry about (other than flat out starving too death) is people joyously shooting off firearms into the air at New Years, catching a random slug of lead dropping from the atmosphere. The country, according to those who are supposed to be in the know, seems to be just hunky-dory.

I know it so … they were on every channel last night … Brokaw said it was so.

So that means you will never have to worry about paying $10 for a movie that is so bad, that you get up and leave, half-way thru it. You don’t have to worry about Poison Ivy or Lime Disease on your next trip to the seashore. Things are so good, you don’t even have to worry about taking the trash out, until you hear the truck comin’ down the street.

Things have improved so much, gas is down around $2.60 a gallon (what a bargain that is, eh?) and you no longer have to worry about the character of Hillary, Bill or The Pope. Electricity have gotten so high, I can no longer afford to leave the lights on in the garage, when I drive north to Ponca City to take pictures of a “Real Honest to goodness Oil Refinery” that my nephew in Nashville, Tennessee has never seen.

I am now reassured that I will never have to call a plumber to fix anything, will not gain anymore weight, pay more than $40,000 for a car that gets lousy mileage while hauling six full grown adults. Things have gotten so good, that I am fairly sure that I will never have to stand behind anyone at China-Mart with coupons in their hand. Realize that the best things in life are free … but they are still expensive as hell … when they are not on back order.

That’s what they’re telling me.

As the hole in the ozone depletes and gets much, much bigger, all of this might be our ultimate destiny and we may see it a lot sooner thanks to Cheney & Bush. I don’t even believe the inventor of the Internet, Albert Gore, has the answer anymore.

So now all we have to worry about is whether any of these bozo’s have a grasp of world affairs (highly unlikely), people who seem to completely ignore what Ronald Reagan proved a decade ago. That we as American’s need to be more tolerant of folks who require neither intellect nor knowledge in our elected leaders. A winning smile, a cheerful disposition and a little self-deprecating humor will go a long ways, this little thing if done correctly, will do just fine for us.

The down home Town Meeting is over, and I am reassured.

Wait!  I know this one, I really do.

Wait! I know this one, I really do.

What did I learn? More good-guy opportunists, more bad guy opportunists, more average-guy opportunists, will apply for the lucrative benefits of EVEN MORE government soon.

More greed and a continued lack of compassion for our less-privileged brothers and sisters will prevail.

Science, in the third millennium since Christ, will continue to expand while we continue to remain as we are, predatory beasts with opposing thumbs.

All you have left to do is vote for your favorite American hero on November 4th.

(Twenty-Six more days)


I Can Fix It

This morning, I have been giving a lot of thought to my recently announced plans to run for President (Vote For Me).

Coincidentally, I had an epiphany of sorts when I realized that it is not easy being “The Chief” executive officer of a country.

That kind of came home to roost, early this cool, chilly autumn morning.

Not easy being a leader these days.

I heard a story of an old Indian got appointed to position of Chief in the tribe. One day all the members of the tribe approached him and said: What weather do? The newly initiated Chief told them, “me tell you tomorrow. He then called the U.S. Weather Service and asked the man who answered up, “What weather do?” and he was given the reply, “about the same, maybe a bit cooler.

So the next day, the Chief assembled all the tribe and told them, “Cool weather … cut firewood.”

A few months went by and again, the members of the tribe approached the Chief, and asked, “What weather do? The Chief says to them, “I tell tomorrow.” Again he calls the U.S. Weather Service and asks the guy, “What weather do? The man answering the phone says, “about the same, a little cooler possibly next week.”

The Chief tells the Indians, “Cut more firewood.

Once again, the members of the tribe form a group and asked the Chief, “What weather do?” and as always, “I tell tomorrow.

He (the chief) gets on the horn and calls the U.S. Weather Service and says, “What weather do?” and the guy on the other end of the phone sez ……… “Man, it must be going to get really cold, these Indians around here are cutting firewood like you would not believe!

Here lately I have been reading a lot of this “the world is gonna end” tripe just about everywhere I look on the net. Which is ridiculous for a number of reasons. One, if you are an American that the chances of you owing a LOT OF MONEY are fairly good, and they are not going to allow you to die, you owe too much money. Second, I got a new Fiest Telephone Book recently, and they would not have put that out if the world was going to end.

So you can relax, stop all these foolish plans.

Such as storing up gasoline, kerosene, diesel, lighter fluid, oatmeal, potato chips, Doritos, green beans (no liver & onions please!), barbeque starter fluid, water (non tap water), soap, jell-o, Twinkies (these things will last over six years even when exposed to the elements), cheerios, chocolate-almond-kisses, tootsie rolls, candles, razor blades and last but not least …. Ammo.

Here is what is really sad … read that again … not one mention of clean underwear in there anywhere.

Seriously I have been making plans for after the inaugural in January. The absolute first thing that I have decided to do in my administration is get rid of voice mail. Anyone who has a voice mail machine, will either be fined or sent to prison without the benefit of parole. Especially the ones that play this sick elevator musak.

Personally I don’t really mind holding the line; I have learned to accept that. It is the God awful, punch this button for this, and punch this button for that, and if you are a member of the human race, please punch … you get the drift? I am weary of the game. While I am at it, I will re-instate the death penalty for all these people that garble out their telephone numbers on the machine so fast that you have to play it at least three times, in order to get the number.

After this last go around with the friendly folks at AOL I have decided to start a campaign that will stop people from using the phrase “Information Highway.” This new method of describing communication in America and the rest of the world has to cease. If most of these people had truly been on the “Information Highway” they would have been road kill for the last westbound Roadway Trucker headed out to the shaky-side (Los Angeles, California).

They would not have made it past the Honey Store at exit 100 near the state-line.

Moving swiftly along … As president I shall remove from television all of these shows such as Hard Copy, Current Affair, the Six O’clock news, and all these television shows that honor or celebrate crime. Also to hit the dust will be any type of Reality Programming, my idea of entertainment is not watching the bottom of the gene pool, sitting around cussing each other out, and acting like the ill-bred crack babies they are.

If you are a parent “and your four year old is running your life” you do not need a Nanny, all you need is a bathroom and a COLD SHOWER, a couple of those and he/she will get the message.

Effective immediately, a limit on the number of murders the affiliates will be allowed to show during the evening meal. (and you wonder why the folks in Europe don’t want to visit us?) There should be a cap on stories dealing with rape and other forms of violence that we have become so accustomed to.

I am tired of it, as your New President, I will put a stop to it.

There should also be a ban on hardened criminals appearing on so-called Talk Shows, and/or writing books about their crimes for self enrichment. This includes the police officers (crooked cops) who appear with paper bags on heir heads, when confessing their collective crimes to Geraldo.

We will instead, provide them with some kind of pamphlet (printed up at government expense of course) that explains that selling drugs, stealing dirty money, and beating up innocent citizens is not what they have been hired to do. Maybe they do not understand how things work in our society.

It should be an interesting year after I am sworn in, first thing we will have to do is fetch some more zero’s for our federal deficit, most everything else will stay the same. The politicians will lie about their bank accounts and diaries, continue to say just about anything to get them elected (or re-elected as the case may be). Wall Street firms involved in shady insider deals and lobbyists will still have their fingers crossed while profusely maintaining the innocence of their clients.

Some irritants will still abound in the new era. Unfortunately, that is the way the system works, you can only change so much of it. The rest of it …. Well y’know … Dontcha?

We should make some inroads, might even clean up some of the things mentioned here. Having seen nothing to convince me otherwise, I believe it is safe to announce … THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO END AS EXPECTED … Despite what you read at the checkout stand in the little rag’s they sell there. Despite what the blog community seems to be pre-occupied with.

Just aint gonna happen …… Chill out dudes.

And remember … Vote for me.