It’s Not Easy Being A Hero

mime-attachment BRIDGING THE GAP:  On  January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge, so they stopped.

George,  their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the state trooper, and said, “What are you  doing?” She replied, “I’m going to commit suicide.”

While he didn’t want to  appear “sensitive,” he didn’t want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either, so he asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a  kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George got approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the state trooper, and said, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey!  That’s a real talent you’re wasting Sugar Shorts! You could be famous if  you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

(It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed)

SOME FOLKS HAVE ALL THE LUCK:  Funny thing about luck, if you are dependent on it and really need a strong dose of it, chances are that it is not likely that will happen in your life.  On the other hand, if you don’t need it, and are just kind of going thru life spinning your wheels, and everything is just fine, it will more than likely hit you like a thunderbolt.  Take these folks in Georgia for instance, they have done it several times.  

GOD’S REPRESENTATIVE SAYS YOUR ARE OVERPAID:  Recently I read where a server at AppleBee’s Restaurants was canned for posting a receipt on the Internet of a cheap female pastor.  I am a strong believer in leaving a tip for a waiter or waitress as the case may be for good service.  If you want a real kick start on your week, leave your waitress a generous tip or pick up the tab on someone else’s meal.  

Clearly (as I see it) there is something inherently wrong about this.  I am also a strong believer or of the opinion that the Bible doesn’t stipulate anywhere that women should be pastors.  But that is just my take on it.  Anywho, (which is a word I am fond of that I also just made up) here is the case in point, you be the judge.  

AH TO BE NINETEEN AGAIN:  On some mornings, when I am sitting at the table, trying to gather it all up and get it together.  I will watch this video, I just love her enthusiasm and her verve, she gets the job done too.  Michelle Jenneke at the olympics.  

Wouldn’t it be great if we could take every hurdle in life, and make small change of it as this girl does, and at the end turn around display a huge smile and give life a hug.  That is what it is all about.

As I have been somewhat verbose this morning (another bad habit I should try to break), I will leave you with one parting thought.  

 “The greatest thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you have been.”

Please stop by and visit us again, and puh-leeze …. tell all your friends.

OOO

Just My Luck … One Of Those Days

DSC01671Here we go!  Thinking outside the proverbial well wrapped holiday box.  It is cold and rainy outside and I cannot go diving in fountains late at night for loose change, and stealing the wishes of small children.  So today I will stay inside and work on this.

It happens to the best of us every now and then, one of those days, when life just doesn’t seem to gel.

Look at the Snapple Bottles, someone screwed up, and I always wonder “How many of them went thru upside down” before someone figured it was not just right?

But then again, I am a little bit left of center most of the time anyway.

What’s For Supper?  An Australian man lost his savings when he hid $15,000 in cash in the oven, on the mistaken belief that his wife never used it.  The man had just sold his beloved sports car to make a mortgage payment.  But after he put the money in the stove for safe-keeping, his wife turned it on to cook chicken nuggets for their children.  Everything was sort of okay, until the burned bills filled the kitchen with smoke.

The Mouse That Roared.  A Canadian man nearly blew his own head off while trying to kill a mouse with a rifle.  Yes, I said “a mouse with a rifle.”  He tried to crush the scurrying rodent with the butt of his rifle, but when he slammed the weapon on the floor, it discharged.  The bullet grazed his head, but did not badly wound him.  No word on what happened to the mouse.

An elephant and a mouse got married.  The next morning, the little mouse woke up and rolled over only to find his elephant bride had died during the night.  He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, then said, “Just my luck.  One night of married bliss and now I spend the rest of my life digging a grave.”

Yeah I know … Whadya expect for free?

High Price Of Winning.  With the soaring value of gold these days, did you know the average gold medal at the Olympic’s contains only 1.34 percent gold?  At current pricing for the precious metal 100% gold would put the price of the medallion at over $25,000 each.  This would bring the price tab for the games to about $40 million all total.  That is a lot of gold in anyone’s book.

Cover me I am changing lanes.  Florida is now the #1 state in the nation for concealed weapons permits.  80% of those permits are issued to men, and they are predominately middle aged.  Some 15,000 permits per month are being issued in the Sunshine State.

I want the truth!  You can’t stand the truth!  Here it comes … Should any one of you be offended at this, first ask yourself: Can I handle the truth?  Two magazines, Country Living (95.99% white readership) and Ebony-Jet (99.99% black readership) did surveys on “What do people fear the most?”

The results were interesting, to say the least …  Country Living magazine’s top three answers were:

1. Nuclear war/terrorist attack in U.S

2. Child/spouse dying

3. Terminal illness

Ebony-Jet magazine’s top three answers were:

1. Ghosts

2. Dogs

3. Registered mail

No Kidding. Who are these people who do these so-called survey’s and where do they live?

It pays to be grouchy.  It is now possible to lose your job in 29 states for being gay.  Companies can legally fire you according to the Human Rights Campaign, which is a gay, lesbian, and transgender civil rights group.  So it is best to be bitchy, cranky, out of sorts like the rest of your co-workers if you want to make sure you stay viably employed in this day and age.  Just be hateful and mean, gay isn’t going to cut it.

No, wait a minute, I might have that one wrong?

Starbucks Parlors.  A South Carolina funeral home is opening a Starbucks in their lobby and the funeral home owner hopes it will help people in mourning.  To help them get their mind off of what is going on.  Wonder what they will call it?

Time to meet your mocha.

Still above the ground cafe.

Latte for your own funeral.

Oh well, like I said, “there are days like that” … b’sides the word count on the first draft, came to 666, and I just could not allow that to stand.  After all … A positive anything is better than a negative nothing.

See you at the water-cooler.

OOO

Here is a sampling of what folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Off The Wagon  
Clear Blue Sky  
The Worry Tree  
Pavlov’s Dog  
Goin With The Flow  
Change Of Heart  
A Moment In Time  
Mr. Gorsky

Out With The Old … In With The New

Titles are often a hard part of blogging, what do you call something, that is just barely a whisper in your mind?  Things are slowly returning to normal, on this, the last day of 2010.  I see the most popular post is once again, “Bikini’s Why Men Are Pigs” is #1, which really blows me away.  Why this one little post is so important, so popular, amazes me.

I read in the paper this morning that some idiot is suing WalMart for hitting a light pole in the parking lot.  Hard to believe, but he is claiming that WalMart put it there as a hazard and it is causing him untold grief, blah-blah, yadda-yadda.  You know these people who tie up the court systems with these blatantly frivolous lawsuits ought to have to pay a price for inconveniencing the rest of us.

Let say if you bring suit on a frivolous issue and the court, the judge or the jury decides it is a no brainer and throws it out, then you “automatically” should have to serve sixty days in the county jail.  That would stop a lot of this non-sense.

I am sitting in the cafe this morning writing this on my laptop and the din is terrible.  Even though I am tucked back into the farthest corner of the place, I can almost hardly hear myself think as my mother used to put it.  It is not a noise of people celebrating the holiday or the beginning of the day, it is the noise of a foreign language being spoken.  Here lately no matter where it is that I go, I cannot seem to escape it.

Let’s face it, if you are not fluent in any language other than English, then all of this in the background, breaks down to noise, nothing else.

Most likely it will get worse before it gets better, we have it seems, turned over the keys to our house to the invaders and they are outnumbering us about three to one.  Just this week I came across a blog that had a poster on it that said, “Get rid of the I word” that word being illegal.

Immigrant is an “I” word, and this year, 55,000 to 60,000 new people will be allowed into the United States “legally.”  It is even being suggested now in some circles, that those of us who are only proficient in English would benefit by learning a second language (Spanish).  No one blends in anymore, we are no longer the “melting pot” nation.  These days if you come to America, you do your best to make it a satellite of the place you recently left.  And to make matters worse, our elected officials make it easier to do this year by year.

You can however take solace in the fact that you are not alone.  Canada our neighbor to the north is paying the price for a huge flaw in their immigration policies.  That’s due to generous support for family reunification, the country is now being overrun by immigrants who’t can’t speak English or French.

Anyone who marries a Canadian can get in.  As a result, a scandalous spousal industry” has sprung up, enticing desperate Pakistanis or Somalis to pay their entire fortunes in dowry money to get their children into Canada.

After the kids get in, then the aged parents are then brought to Canada “ not because of family concerns, but because the parents will collect old-age pensions.  The United States has a similar policy, if you are illegal, but your child being born here is legal, when the child reaches the age of 18, then you are automatically legal.

Much like the United sates, the courts, hospitals, and social services in Canada now struggle to meet the needs or accommodate the new arrivals.  Perhaps we can all learn from those people down under, the Australians.

Australia, which has a strict English proficiency requirement for all immigrants and doesn’t automatically let in a citizen entire extended family.  Australia “tells immigrants that if they miss their elderly parents, they should buy a plane ticket home.

Now that sounds pretty harsh I have to admit.  But without language skills, an immigrant is cut off from mainstream society.  Which is not a great way to live, whether it be here at home in the States or Canada.  By accommodating them instead of “educating them” we are not only crippling them, but we are doing the same to the United States too.

Have a Safe and Sane New Year … See you on Monday.

OOO

Just Plain Weird

A little taste of what has been going on around the country, some of it good, and some of it not so good.  For instance, I got a haircut on Friday and then went to eat.  The waitress at the beanery says to me, You don’t look good in that haircut, I don’t like it.” Geeze, now women that don’t even know me are getting ugly … What is happening in this world, anyway.

Predatory Lenders.

Little Rock – A new study said the number of payday lenders operating in Arkansas dropped by about 86% after state Attorney General Dustin McDaniel threatened legal action over their high-interest loans. Arkansans Against Abusive Payday Lending said the survey showed the number of payday lenders went from 237 in March to 33 in the most recent count. Here is visible proof that we do not need NEW LAWS all we need to do is effectively enforce the law’s already on the books. We need to eradicate these bottom-feeders who prey on the people who can least afford it. Good for Arkansas!

Are you kidding me?

A federal appeals court and Ohio‘s high court have rejected a death row inmate’s argument that he is too fat to die by lethal injection. A three-judge panel of the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati and the Ohio Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Richard Cooey’s execution could go ahead as planned.

The 41-year-old Cooey is set to be executed Tuesday for killing two University of Akron students in 1986. Cooey’s attorneys argued that prison food and limited opportunities to exercise contributed to a weight problem that would make it difficult for the execution team to find a viable vein for lethal injection. Cooey is 5 feet, 7 inches tall and weighs 267 pounds. So what is the problem … Here’s your Kool Aid … Drink it!

News from down under.

Illegal prostitution rings masquerading as “escort services” will be targeted under changes to Queensland law. Police Minister Judy Spence today said the government would follow a recommendation from the Crime and Misconduct Commission to crack down on outcall prostitution services, which are illegal in Queensland. Ms Spence said some operators which advertised as “escort services” were actually a front for prostitution services. (Gee, no kidding.)

Under legislative changes, legitimate escort businesses will need to indicate that sexual services are not provided when advertising and when receiving phone calls from interested clients. “We want to make it more difficult for prostitution services to masquerade as social escort services and get by our tough restrictions,” she said. The offence (sp) will carry a maximum penalty of seven years imprisonment, or 14 years if the offenders are found to have been using intellectually disabled people.

So I guess if I am reading this right, the only people who avail themselves of prostitutes down under are highly-paid, intellectually disabled, over achievers?

Not So Politically Correct In Wisconsin

The University of Wisconsin-Madison has apologized to a black student who during a class last year was shown a clip of the movie “Blazing Saddles” that features racial epithets. During a workshop for working professionals last year, an instructor showed a scene of the 1974 comedy in which blacks are shown working on a railroad.

Whites call the workers racial epithets and an overseer orders them to sing like slaves. The student complained and the school’s Office of Equity and Diversity, which investigates racial discrimination, got involved, and an apology was issued. Nothing was forthcoming for the poor white students who were forced to sit all the way thru an incredibly bad movie.

Skeee-ratch this!

Arthur Watkins, 53, of Kansas City has won more than $400,000 in two Powerball drawings within a four-month period. Missouri Lottery officials said Watkins selected the Powerball numbers to win $200,000 in the Sept. 24 drawing. He matched five white-ball numbers in the May 21 game to pick up $200,000. Watkins bought both winners at the Longview Apple Market in Kansas City. I have figured out what the problem seems to be, they roll the numbers too fast on the PowerBall drawings, and they are not giving the rest of us enough time to wish on the balls.

Vote … And Vote Often … For Your Candidate of Choice

Early voting has started in some of the key states, and apparently, the democrats need some extra time getting all those dead people to the polls.  The moderator for the recent debates, who came from PBS, has a new book coming out, which is pro-Obammer.

But then again, every PBS station is pro-Obammer.

America in an election year moves on. Events and schedules are being met. And it appears that my interview for the second job as an early morning paperboy may have been accepted. (The McDonalds min-wage work until you die program, did not pay off … I am not Latino … I am after all Caucasian so therefore unemployable.)

The paper route thing fortunately is happening … I start on Thursday.

Dick Cheney has cut back on the speaking engagements, figuring that it is awful hard to get people to follow a parked car; he is strangely silent these days. It has been rumored he has been observed to be sitting in his office most of the day, oiling his shotgun and muttering something about lame ducks.

Chris Matthews has accused Sarah Palin of staring into the camera like a dolf, he said this, while staring into the camera like a dolf.  Albert Gore is now calling for “civil disobedience” on the building of new coal fired electricity plants, but this is not to include those that help pay for Lear Jets, long limo’s and huge massive square footage houses.

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Parting shot: “All people smile in the same language.”


Water Woes

All day I face, the barren waste, without the taste of water, cool, clear water. Old Dan and I, with throats burned dry, souls that cry for water, cool, clear water.” Did you know that “Dan” in that song was a donkey?

Yup, true.

The last time I ventured into these familiar waters (pardon the pun) I was called an “Eco Freak” by some knot-head that wanted to go round and round with me on the subject. Personally I prefer the term “Tree Hugger” it just seems to me, more personal and friendly.

The city is raising the rates on my water again. Not because I am using a lot of it, but because they are a city, and they KNOW that they can always milk the consumer for the life blood that he needs, and he will pay it.  You see, “You need water, and if you live in a city, you are going to pay for it.”

Some big challenges facing this country in the future, providing we make it thru this Wall Street debacle. One of them is going to be water. Fresh water is running out on a grand scale worldwide. The world is running out of potable water, which unfortunately, is a key ingredient to life as we know it. The last time I checked, the current numbers reflected less than 5% of the worlds water is now drinkable (potable) and that number is shrinking.

The latest data suggests we might be in big trouble, when it comes to water.

North America: The United States and Canada are the largest per capita consumers of freshwater, double that of our neighbors to the south in Mexico. Though supply has been abundant in the past, that may change. The High Plains Aquifer in the central United States that Mr. Pickens wants to deplete is expected to “decline dramatically.” Pollution, invasive species and under-priced water add to the stress of the region. In Canada, the demands put on water to harvest oil-sand petroleum is ruining the Frazier River Basin at an alarming rate.

South America: Due to fast population growth, the region’s major environmental problem of the next decade is expected to be a shortage of potable water.

Europe: Western Europe is pricing water at levels that allow for reinvestment and management of an adequate water supply. Easter Europe and the former Soviet Union, on the other hand, are still using more water per capita than Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will nearly double. Overall, water issues have more to do with quality and ecosystems than with quantity, which appears for the time being, sufficient.

But then again, Global Warming enters into the picture. A lot of people in Europe live below quickly melting glaciers, their primary water supply, when the glaciers have receded and are gone, then what?

Africa: More than half the population has no access to safe water, fewer today than in 1990. Almost half the population of the areas suffer from water-related diseases. In southern Africa, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will rise by half in just a few short years.

Asia: Nearly a third of the region has no access to safe water. Central Asia is already using 85% of available water, and South Asia nearly half that. Per capita availability of water has dropped by 70% in Central and Southern Asia since roughly 1950. In China the same applies, another business-as-usual scenario sees water consumption doubling in that country by 2025. Recently China has had to import huge quantities of rice, because acid rain has ruined the water in the surround country side and they are now growing crops in sterile soil.

Australia: Water usage increased by 25% in the mid ‘90’s, compared with the mid 80’s. At the same time, the water supply has been degraded, particularly in the Murray-Darling Basin in the southeast. A prolonged drought hasn’t helped matters at all.

You pick up any newspaper in this country and each day there is an item in there about the shortage of water or the possible contamination of an Aquifer that is used for public consumption. Water who most of believe is just plentiful and everywhere, is in fact, a precious resource (mostly non-renewable) and is being squandered.

Monroe Louisiana – Sixteen parishes in northern Louisiana depend on the Sparta Aquifer for drinking water, but one expert said the water is slowly deteriorating in quality because of drawdown. Ben McGee, a supervisory hydrologist with the U.S. Geological Survey, said the aquifer is tapped into at a rate of 70 million gallons a day by users from paper mills to residential homes.

Shapleigh MAINE – Voters in Shapleigh, in a setback for bottler Poland Spring, imposed a six-month moratorium on the testing or large-scale extraction of water. Residents voted 204-38 to adopt the moratorium, intended to give the town time to work on a regulatory ordinance.

Rockingham, North Carolina – Residents in three counties are concerned that pesticides used by peach farmers decades ago may be polluting well water. The Charlotte Observer reports that tests by health officials found 117 tainted wells in Montgomery, Richmond and Moore counties. For now, state officials are delivering drinking water weekly to affected homes.

Lubbock Texas – Billionaire T. Boone Pickens put plans on hold for a pipeline to send water from a Panhandle aquifer to cities downstate. A Pickens spokesman said the suspension of the Mesa Water pipeline has nothing to do with a Justice Department ruling in August that blocked changes to Texas law that helped create a water supply district. The district was dominated by employees of Pickens. He is all set to drain this aquifer (Ogallala) to supply Dallas with drinking water. He has however one big snag, “no one has asked him to provide them with water at this time.” Meanwhile, on the western fringe area’s of this water system they are starting to suck sand.

Slowly people are starting to realize that we have to do something to conserve this resource or we will perish. This week in Tucson Arizona, a dry and arid portion of the United States legislation was passed to conserve or re-use water. Homes built there after 2009 will be required to have wastewater systems that use drainage from sinks, showers and tubs to irrigate landscaping.

The ordinance adopted by the City Council requires new homes to have “gray-water” plumbing systems separate from piping that takes toilet waste to sewers. The new systems will cost about $500 per house.

It isn’t much, but at least it is a start.

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Skinny Dipping With Grandpa

Mail has run and the box was empty, last weekend being Grandparents Day I had waited for the kids to send their mama something but they didn’t.  I had fortunately, had the forethought to go to the HallMark Store and purchase a card for her and I gave her a grandmother card.

I cannot stand it when they ignore her like that.  She is a good grandmother and she ought to get some recognition for the excellent job that she does.  Grandpa’s on the other hand, we don’t need a card, we are resigned to our station in life, which is to fill the void on crankiness and gruff exteriors, we don’t require a card.

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.  He had a large pond in the back and it was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with a picnic table, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.  One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he had not been there for awhile, and look it over.  He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit and headed on down.

As he neared the pond, he heard voice shouting and laughing with glee.  As he came closer, he saw it was a group of young women skinny-dippin in his pond.  He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.  One of the girls shouted to him, “We are not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond unclothed.”  Holding the bucket up he said, “I am here to feed the alligator.”

Some old timers are still pretty quick thinking on their feet.  We are not all in the same class, some of us despite the years, are still pretty speedy on the uptake, we are not all a bunch of old geezers and sedimentary rocks.  And we can still take care of business …..

Then there is the Rambo Granny of Melbourne, Australia.

Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18 year old granddaughter, that she literally tracked them down and then shot off their testicles!

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down, and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp.  Then the grand-mommy took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant’s desk and told him as calm as he could be:  “Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.”

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire in the motel room with a 9mm pistol where he and his former cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas’ testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said.  “The one guy, Thomas, didn’t lose his manhood, but the doctore I talked to said he won’t be using it the way he used to use it.  Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they’re just happy to be alive after what they’ve been through.”

(Do you think so? I mean really … Do you think so?)

The Rambo granny swung into action August 21, after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.  “When I saw the look on my Debbie’s face that night in the hospital, I decided right then and there, I was going to go out and get those bastards myself, ‘cause I figured the Law would go easy on them, recalled the retired library worker.”

It just begs to ask … I wonder what she did to people who brought back a book late?

And I wasn’t scared of them either – because I’ve got me a gun and I have been shooting on my life.  I wasn’t dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one.”  So, using a police artists’ sketch of the suspects and Debbie’s description of the sicko’s, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.  “I knew it was them the minute I saw ’em but I shot a picture of them anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as ____ it was them the oldster recalled. So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door, and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot him right square between the legs, right where it would hurt him most, you know.”

(Trust me Grandma, I know!)

Then I went in and I shot the other one, as he backed up pleading to me to spare him.  Then I simply went down to the police station and turned myself in.

Now baffled lawmen down-under, are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante Granny.  “What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81 year old woman in prison, especially when some three million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.”

We might be old and slow by most young peoples’ standards … but don’t count us out yet.

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Parting shot: “The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.”

You Can’t Touch This …

“A man who represents himself in a court, has a fool for an attorney.” Some guy recently busted for urinating in public did this very thing. Representing himself at trial, Mr. Huppe fired a colorful line of questions at the officer including, “Did you see me take my thing out and urinate?” and “Did you test DNA to see if it was my urine?”

Here is the part I like … Mr. Huppe shouted at the officer during the June 24 trial, “Swear on a Bible and say it was Mr. Huppe’s urine!” The officer testified he did not test DNA from the urine puddle. Then the judge ordered Mr. Huppe to “take a deep breath” and promised the verdict would be forthcoming.

My kind of guy.

BOULDER – A 25-year-old Boulder, Colorado man is in jail after police discovered he had been living on the roof of a T-Mobile store since December. Police say Luke Barrett pleaded guilty to trespassing and obstructing an officer after his arrest Friday. Barrett told officers that he was homeless and started living on the top of the building in December.

According to the T-Mobile store, employees had a suspicion that someone was living on the roof. Cleaning employees and maintenance crews said on two occasions they found and removed cushions, garbage and a sleeping bag from the roof. Now think about this. You are living on the top of a building in Colorado in the dead of winter?

It’s a wonder the guy doesn’t have frostbite.

Priceless … 6 year old Bennett Christiansen of Illinois was approved for a credit card with a $600 limit. The boy had accurately filled in an application, listing his birth date as 2002 and his income of $0. We had “plastic surgery here about five years ago” and that was the best thing that ever happened to us. No more credit cards, which in our case was a good thing. You know how to tell if you are over your limit, when you are standing in the line and the girl swipes your card, all the lights in the building kind of dim for a moment.

You are over your limit.

An Australian bridegroom was horrified to learn after he had walked down the aisle that he was already married — after a drunken holiday romance he could barely remember. The husband has had to confess in the Family Court that he spent 28 days partying and drinking in Arizona in 1978 on leave from his job as a cook on the oil rigs.

He can remember the “nice” blond American woman he met through a pen pal newspaper advertisement — but little more. “He has no recollection of going through any form of ceremony of marriage with her, or of discussing marriage, or of anything referable to marriage,” said Justice Sally Brown, who annulled the marriage last month.

Not only that, but the man, who describes himself as an old-fashioned romantic, was already married at the time — to his wife of 14 years. Yesterday the 67-year-old, who cannot be identified, told The Daily Telegraph “the sky fell in” when he was shown the Arizona marriage license. He married his Hawaiian girlfriend in 2006 and applied to live in Hawaii with her that U.S. immigration authorities broke the bad news.

A drilling rig in Arizona, C’mon? This has to be Media Fatigue, made up crap.

B’sides everyone knows, if you get drunk for 28 days in a row, you have to file a special permit with the EPA so they can tell you where to bury your liver!

This has got to be bogus; we need to get back to the “real news” in America.

The upcoming presidential election which will determine who voters hate more: Successful, attractive African-Americans or good ol boy mossbacks that smell like Old Spice and pancakes. Who gave the government “the right” to tell us what kind of light bulbs to buy. Why Al Gore still consumes 50% more electricity than the average American after extensive renovations to his Tennessee home.

Important stuff like that.

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