Dirty Yellow Dawg Democrat in The Slow Lane ….


Oklahoma Indians are advertising their casino off the Interstate (Remember when they sat on the side of the road and sold you their trinkets?  Those days are long gone).  “Luck has no limits, a winner every seven seconds.”  Is how the sign reads.  So if this is true (which I sincerely doubt) why do we have all these expressions in our social vocabulary?

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Quick Silver … Penny For Your Thoughts

Here you go!  This is for all of you like George Barenbrock who always had their science project turned in on time.  Back in the day, when we were kids, we used to take Mercury and smear it all over a penny, to make it look like a dime. 

Then we would go to the store and attempt to purchase a candy bar with it.  Try doing that today, I bought a candy bar over the weekend, and it was $1.39 plus tax.  My money doesn’t even slow down when it gets to me. 

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When The Last Star Burns Out

So here is the question of the day for all you do nothing political bozo’s:  “When the last star burns out, and there is nothing left but heaven, where are all you sorry lying Bastards going to hide?”

Usually I stay away from politic’s because of the fact, that in its simplest form, it is ugly, nasty, and downright dishonest.  That is how I see it.  This latest offering in the political arena in this country should be a shining example of just that.  We always re-elect the petty little thieves and appoint the great ones to the highest office.  As much as we all hope and believe that “things will change and they will get better” the realistic approach to all of this is …. It won’t.  New blood or not, it will be the same old circus.

We are not all drinking from the same cup and Democracy as we know  is dysfunctional, has been for a long time.

The sad part of this is if we only got 10% of what these idiots promise us, the majority of the population of this country would be just fine.  But it aint gonna happen.  We would not have to worry about going to heaven in our old age, we would have it right here on earth.

We need to get rid of the Electoral College in this country now.

We also need to have a ballot box that could be checked that reads:  “None Of The Above.”  I often feel like we would be in better hands if we had NO leadership at all.  When I was a kid my daddy told me, “anyone can be president.” and now, some fifty-five years later, I believe him.

There isn’t anyone in America who can cast an intelligent vote any more, I am throughly convinced of that.  I am sick of the entire system, we keep re-electing these Ya-Who’s who tell us ”they cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel,” so they just appropriate more money to buy more tunnel.  If these people were put in charge of the Mojave Desert, in six months, we would be out of sand.

Let’s face it folks, “politic’s is just too damn serious to be left up to politicians.”

Instead of giving them a key to Washington, we should possibly be sending someone up there to change all the locks.  I am sick of people massaging the vote from the poor people, while at the same time, they are sitting down to dine with the rich and promising them that they will protect each from the other.

We need to get rid of the Electoral college like I said.  Come up with some kind of decent form of voting, other countries in the world do not suffer thru what we endure every four years.  Set a period of campaigning before the elections, say 60-90 days and then that is it.  This crap of running for the office for a year or more should get tossed out the window.

Have all the Governors from each state come in once a year for thirty days and let them do the business that needs to be done.  The salary of a U.S.Congressman, versus the salary of governors vary from state to state but in the long run the savings would be immense.  In the end, we would still be money ahead, by getting rid of all congressional representatives and their lobbyist buddies.  They are as I see it a rag tag dysfunctional bunch of money grabbing thugs.

Under this proposal.  Lobbyists will have to work three times harder to gain access to “voting representatives.”  Money savings would be substantial.  Less government, something we have all heard of all our our lives but sadly will never see.

Stop all this public outcry for a constitutional amendment.  There will be no constitutional amendments, it takes a 2/3 majority, give it up, they will never vote themselves out of a good deal …. would you?

All these emailing idealistic and hopeless dreamers, screaming for amendments and pass this on, pass this on, should be located ran down and shot.

It Must Be Great To Be King

For everything else there is MasterCard.

President Barack Obama’s base salary is $400,000 a year. He also has access to a $150,000 expense account as well as a $100,000 tax free travel account and $20,000 entertainment budget. You on the other hand, have cable TV and get the bill.  It must be nice being King. So here is the question of the day for all you do nothing political bozo’s:  “When the last star burns out, and there is nothing left but heaven, where are all you sorry lying Bastards going to hide?”  I said that and I approved of every word.

See you in four years, that is, if the country is even still here.


Cartoon lifted from Mostly Bright Ideas  

Junking In The Heartland


Garage Sale Make A EU-Weeey!


The weekends are great this time of the year, we usually load up in our old hoopie and go garage saling (sp).  That is what my bride calls it, from the male perspective it is called junking.  So I am sitting in the kitchen at the kitchen table, reading the paper, and there it is, it had to happen sooner or later.

MARKED DOWN & DUSTED OFF: Fort Walton Beach, Fla. – Grandma Marge’s ashes weren’t for sale, but a bargain hunter in Florida walked away with them anyway.  It seems that a touch of Grandma Marge was put in a potted violet, her favorite plant, after her death. The plant was accidentally sold at a weekend yard sale in the Panhandle town of Fort Walton Beach.

The deceased elderly in this country get No Respect.

Today will most likely be a washout for me also.  I never find anything remotely interesting at garage sales, don’t look for me on Oprah (Man finds painting at garage sale worth seven million dollahs!  Uh huh, I am sure).

PRETTY IN PINK: Mr. Obama turned the White House pink this week in honor of breast cancer awareness .  I wonder if Biden even noticed the change?  I am not prone to dwell on political matters, but I do support something like this.  It is a big killer of women and people need to pay attention.

SELF INFLICTED STUPIDITY: Now here is a prime example of person who is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.  A Texas man this week slit his own throat in court after being sentenced.  The Dallas man used a thin blade from a safety razor to slit his throat in an apparent suicide attempt Tuesday in the courtroom where a judge had just sentenced him to 40 years in prison. I have often thought of the very same thing, after a bad all meat burritos from “you know who?”

NOW THIS TAKES BALLS … WHERE ELSE …. IN SAN FRANCISCO: Lana Lawless, a former police officer in San Francisco California who underwent a sex change operation five years ago, is challenging the LPGA’s ban on transgender players.  She (or he as the case may be) filed a federal lawsuit this week in San Francisco federal court claiming the LPGA’s “female at birth” requirement for competitors violates a California civil rights law.

Lawless is seeking to prevent the LPGA from holding tournaments in the state until the organization changes its policy to admit transgender players. She is also seeking unspecified damages.

Gives a whole new meaning to the expression … “A hole in one … Doesn’t it?”  (don’t send me any letters, the box is full!)

SPORTS POLL (YAWN?) Dallas Cowboys are America’s favorite team for fourth straight year.   The Cowboys emerged as the favorite team of NFL fans in a Harris Poll released this week.

It is the fourth straight year the Cowboys have been ranked at the top of the poll.  Rumor has it they have hired a new backfield coach from the far east his name is Win Sum Soon  (Well, whadya expect for free?).

EARTHQUAKE RELIEF: Donations are now being accepted for Earthquake Relief for Oklahoma.  Please send anything that you can in order to help us get thru this crisis.  Desperately needed:  Boomer Sooner Ball caps, Oklahoma Thunder T-shirts, How to Noodle the Red River Video’s, Frog-Legs, and fresh cut Okra.


Thanks to our loyal reader James.


GLAZED OVER: Bartlesville, Oklahoma, a place I can assure you, that six billion people have never visited.   Police there say a Oklahoma woman tripled her trouble when she stole a doughnut from someone’s truck, urinated in a parking lot and offered to perform a sex act on an officer for money.

The Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise reports that the truck owner complained to police that the woman stole the doughnut at about 2 a.m. Wednesday. A convenience store clerk asked police to charge the woman because he said she relieved herself outside the store.

The lucky officer dispatched to this fun call says that when he told the woman she was under arrest, she offered to perform a sex act for money.  At last report, the 27-year-old Tulsa woman was being held Thursday in Washington County Jail on charges of vehicle burglary, trespassing, indecent exposure and soliciting prostitution.

Jail records do not show if she has a lawyer, but I am fairly sure, she is going to need one.  Who knows?  In todays social norm … She might be able to settle out of court on an oral agreement.

POT HOLE POSSE: The news is also reporting that the current administration in Washington is poised to spend some $50 billion on our countries’ crumbling infrastructure.  Which will most likely not make a dent in what amounts to about $33 Trillion needed to bring it all up to snuff.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go.  I want to send the I.R.S. an Email and ask them to cancel my subscription.  Have a great weekend!


We Did It Anyway



A new state law passed today in Oklahoma, 37 to 9, had a few liberals in the mix, an amendment to place the Ten Commandments on the front  entrance to the state capitol.  The feds in D.C., along with the ACLU, said  it would be a mistake. Hey this is a conservative  state, based on  Christian values…!

Guess what  …….. We did it anyway.

We recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from,  unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen.  They all scattered. Hope we didn’t send any of them to your state.  This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said  it would be a mistake.

Guess what  …….. We did it anyway.

Yesterday we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegals to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative  purposes.  Pelosi said it was unconstitutional.

Guess what  ….. We  did it anyway.

Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a  Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives.  That, for your information, makes Oklahoma and Texas the only states to do so.  Guess what  …… More states are likely to follow.  Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, both Carolina’s, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas,  West Virginia, just to name a few.

Should Mississippi act, so will Florida.  Save your confederate money,  grab yo’ Dixie Cups, it appears the South is about to rise up once again.

The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our  guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this  state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their  vehicles.  I’m sure that was a set back for the Kennedys and Ms Pelosi.

Guess what  ……. We did it anyway.

By the way, I imagine Mr. Obama does not like any of this.

Guess what …. who cares … were doing it anyway.


“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Call It What It Is

pigVentured out yesterday for some stamps at the Post Office, did not see anyone wearing a mask over their face, so I assume the swine flu pandemic scare is officially over.

Which is a good thing, especially for me, because I love BLT’s (bacon, lettuce, and tomato) sandwiches.  I would absolutely hate to see anything conflict with that part of my life.  No more trips to the Cracker Barrel for me, and that would create a hole in my world you could drive a bus through.

So today, this morning, let us develop a healthy curiosity in the world of pigs, swine creatures of media fame here of late.

Drive through the Oklahoma Panhandle and you will see it dotted with shiny tin roofs, new hog barns, there is a huge profit in the raising and caring for of hogs.  But there are also drawbacks.  Hogs are nasty, they produce about 8 times the waste of a human each day, they take an ocean of water to clean them up and all hog farms have huge water retention ponds to collect their waste.  Potential breeding grounds for all the little ugly things that attack us and make us sick.

Eventually all this nasty bio-waste makes it thru the food chain to you.

Here’s the connection: if a commercial flight is a prime breeding ground for airborne infectious disease, consider the digs of modern hogs. Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations (CAFOs), also known as factory farms, bring together tens of thousands of animals in quarters that make a sold-out 747 look spacious. Keeping a cap on disease in such conditions has risen to a sort of macabre art form involving the use of antibiotics (including the “non-therapeutic” use, which means that they feed the animals antibiotics as a preventative measure) to ward off the infectious diseases you might expect to thrive in such a place.

This practice has been linked to the spread of drug-resistant MRSA bacteria, but is not likely the cause of the influenza outbreak. Manure lagoons, the gigantic receptors for the millions of gallons of excrement expelled by the thousands of animals, may be the more likely culprit.

All of this beside being an obvious health nightmare presents a public relations nightmare for the hog farmer.  I suppose hog farmers and pork producers would prefer we call it something else, other than swine flu.  Perhaps it would be better to use the scientific name, A(H1N1) 2009 but that just seems so benign, no ring in that, where is the snap, where is the crackle and pop?

We seem to gravitate towards the outrageous, the completely insane in this country when it comes to descriptive metaphors.  Calling this Swine Flu just doesn’t seem appropriate.

Look at the auto companies and the banks for instance.  We use terms such as financial meltdown, bailout, huge losses, bankruptcy and other insidious terms that reek of socialism, “nationalism” comes readily to mind here.  All of them basically negative in nature.

So we change it up, we refresh the negative and we call it something else.  We say “unexpected profit inversion” or “asset augmentation” or “new and unique profit-partner partnerships between the private sector and the government.”

Like our now long gone moose gooser from Alaska would say … “We continue to put lipstick on the pig” and call it everything other than what it really might be.  There is an old expression that goes something like this:  “You can try and teach a pig to sing, but it will not work, and all you do is irritate the pig.”  Call it what it is, and stop renaming all of this stuff.

We are good at this, we have after all, have been transferring blame and changing the language for years.  Adultery … An affair.  Abortion … Lifestyle choice.  Genocide … Ethnic Cleansing.  We do it all the time; a housewife is no longer a housewife, she is a domestic engineer.  Used Car Salesman … Finance Specialist and the list goes on and on infinitum.  A four door hoopie from Ford or General Motors is now a “sports sedan” … Television evolved to wireless cable …. which is pretty stupid really and then there is … Mercy Killing.

That one I do not understand at all.  But I am usually a little slow on the uptake anyway.

Sadly one rule of life is …. “What you practice the most, is what you will become.”  As long as we continue “to shade the truth” and not face it, we will have problems in this country.

The worst of it all, was not here nor was it in Israel, where they steadfast refused to call it swine flu for religious reasons, but in Afghanistan where they moved the only pig in the Kabul Zoo into a locked room out of fear of swine flu.  Now that was some progressive thinking there, that saved a lot of lives no doubt.

Have to go now, I am off to check out this latest email rumor I received yesterday.  It concerns a woman who left her two-year old son at a day care center yesterday morning in Seattle, and when she returned to pick him up in the afternoon he was completely grown!

Day care officials are crediting the Obama hot lunch program.

Me?  I am not buying it.


Inviolable Reasoning

Some days are going to be good days and then some days are painful and not all that good.  Like it is when you have that small pimple on the bottom of your nostril, and you know you have to squeeze it, and at the same time, you absolutely KNOW that it is going to hurt really bad.

Yesterday was one of those kind of days.

I am in line at the bank, there are eight windows, and ONE TELLER so the conversation is strained at best, you can cut the tension in the air with a knife.  So rather than being somewhere pleasant and nice, I find that I am over at the bank and this lady in the line is all hopped up about what she calls “Obama Money.”  It is some kind of stipend that is currently being distributed to retiree’s and people on Social Security, the amount I believe is $250.

She wants to know if I have mine yet?

Not overly concerned about $250 in mad money from the government, I ponder this one very disturbing thought …”How does this complete stranger know that I am retired?”  …. It is a sad state of affairs when people recognize you as a retired person without really knowing you, I must have that “rode hard and put up wet” look about me again.

lobster hatThis always happens when I venture out without my hat.

When you notice that no one bothers to ask you if you are a “senior citizen” for the 10% discount, then I would say you have officially arrived.

Here is a little ditty about two retiree’s.

Recently in New York retired rogue cops Stephen Caracappa and Louis Eppolito, who were convicted in 2006 of assisting the Mafia for many years were sentenced to life in prison.  However, because the men retired from the force before they had been charged with crimes, they are entitled by law to their lifetime pensions of $5,313 a month and $3,896 a month respectively.

No word if they are to receive Obama money.

You ever stop to think about this $100 million President Obama has ordered cut from his $3.5 trillion budget.  This represents a reduction of 0.0029 percent not exactly worth crowing about or writing home to Mama.  If a family with an income of $100,000 cut a comparable amount from its budget, it would spend just $3 less over the course of a year.

Might be why the average Joe is rigidly locked down and staying in place these days.  With the decline of housing prices and the economic uncertainty the populace is not moving.  Some 35.2 million Americans changed residences this year, the lowest number since 1962, when the nation had 120 million fewer people.

Have finished what I consider a good read, “Brothers” which is a compilation of 26 stories of love and rivalry.  The complete issue was originally published in the March issue of Playboy.  One story that was extremely interesting was the segment of what it was like to be the Uni-Bomber’s little brother.  Weather has turned off rather nice, stopped raining, you can slink out onto the porch sit in the chair and read a page or two before the dogs wake up to greet the meter readers in the backyards.

Life in the suburbs.

I read where a 17 year old Eagle Scout is doing fine after being stranded for almost three days on New Hampshire’s Mount Washington.  Having sprained his ankle during a routine day hike, he spent numerous days on the mountain.  He decided to take a short cut down the 6,288 ft peak which proved not to be the right move.  Snowpack and running rivers blocked his path, and also his retreat from the normal route of trails.

He said that he slept beneath pine trees and in large crevasses and started fires with hand sanitizer gel.  He was finally spotted by rescuers after he decided to head up the mountain, towards a weather observatory.  “I would never do it again during snow conditions” he was quoted as saying.

Now on the other hand, I got lost when I was twelve years old, in a national forest for about 26 hours.  Not all that scary, but it was an “eye opener” for sure.

Not having a clue as to where I was or where I was going, I eventually sat down beside a fallen giant and started a campfire with my zippo lighter and was sitting there smoking a Marlboro when a national forest search agent walked up to me and said, “You must be Don Smith, and this must be Fritz (our family weenie dog).” And I replied, “Yes, I am.”

He then instructed me to put out the fire, led me back to my parents who were overjoyed to have their wayward child back.  My dad asked the guy, “How did you find him?” and the ranger said, “I saw his campfire smoke and walked up on him, he was sitting there smoking a cigarette and staying warm.”

At that point my mother promptly grabbed me and hugged me for all it was worth, later on my dad, whipped my butt for smoking again.

Proof again, that all stories do NOT have a nice ending.  To this day I remember it as not being lost, but rather, just powerfully confused.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stone (from the song with the same title and/or lyrics).  Now I return to my Clark Kent atmosphere, my duty in life that compels me to walk this uncertain, often turbulent path, to faithfully do what meets the needs of the day or pays the bill, and not what it is that I truly want to do.

What is your Clark Kent job this Wednesday, are you lost or just powerfully confused.

Our operators are standing by ………..


Obama’s first 100 – Adding it all up


End of the month, here is another one we can stuff into the bag, and put it away for all time.

Haven’t been up on the old soapbox here lately, so today I am going to take a stab at it.  I have done rather well the last sixty days avoiding political issues and what-knot, but today I feel it in my bones to mention a few items of interest I have observed here of late.

Lot of talk about Obama’s first 100 days in office and to the average Joe, it appears that he might be the most polarizing president this country has ever seen.  The big rumble around here is a proposed tax on the miles that we drive, which should not come as any big surprise, we talked about that last year.

Once again, we prove ourselves to be just a tad bit ahead of the curve on things in general.

As more and more states find themselves cash strapped for gasoline income that is no longer there, they will come up with creative ways to soak the taxpayer even more, this is surely just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  It is also why we are seriously considering a Ford Hybrid and 41 miles per gallon, not so much to help out the folks at Ford, but to cut us a little slack on some of this high priced fuel.  Right now 700 miles on one tank is starting to look pretty good.

Best get ready boys n girls, the fed’s and the state are coming for you with their endless half-full bucket and they are going to ask you to fill it but one more time.

If you don’t believe that, then consider this.  When federal income tax was first established, in 1913, the tax code was a mere 400 pages.  Today the tax code is 70,320 pages and it is rumored that there is but a “handful of people in Washington” that can actually read it and comprehend its meaning.  This is one thing the government is very proficient at, and that is getting into your pocket.

It is now being reported that the federal budget deficit rose to a record $957 billion in the first six months of fiscal 2009.  Which is kind of funny, because we are just starting the “5th” month tomorrow, so how do they know it rose this much in five months and not what they are reporting (six).

March government outlays increased 41% to $321 billion from the previous year (March 2008).  While at the same time revenue fell 28% to about $129 billion.  So as you can plainly see, both the fed’s and the states are cash strapped, and who do you suppose they are going to tap to find a solution to the shortfall.

If there is a (new) way to gouge you, they will find it.  We seem to think in generalities, whereas they seem to deal in detail.

The only people that seem to do good at all this are the lobbyists.  They spent something like $3 billion last year in Washington DC and they got their money’s worth.  A University of Kansas study just released reports that a single corporate tax break in 2004 enabled 800 companies to save a total of $100 billion dollars.  I put back about $1300 but my tax liabilities were considerably higher, and that was without a bail out.

Just depends on how you look at it I guess.  Things could be worse, things could be better.

On the upside, it is rumored that Starbucks is putting out a new blend of “Deepresso Coffee” for those days that are so hard to get thru.  The Dallas Cowboys are building a new stadium, a $1 billion plus, 3 million square foot undertaking that will include 80,000 seats, two 180 foot long High Def Video screens, and the largest retractable roof ever constructed.

It is truly …. The worst of times … and the best of times in the USA.

For those who have everything, the economic downturn has some searching for “a greener and cheaper alternative to the dreaded McMansion prospective.”  You can now live in a smaller, much smaller house.  There is a new home on the market called the XS-House, a ready made 65-square foot, yes I said “65 sq ft” home.  It is being offered by Tumbleweed Tiny House Company and it makes a diminutive domicile of all sorts and it is also the smallest model that they currently offer.

Price?  Just $37,000 and some change, can we build one for you?

We are such a diverse culture aren’t we, we celebrate Obama’s first 100 days in office, and are asked at the same time to critique his performance on the local news, which is like saying to the viewer, “let us pool our ignorance on this subject” and then make a pronouncement of this man’s abilities.

How sick is that.

I understand that scientists have now locked up six volunteers in a mock spacecraft for a 105-day stay, to see if they can manage not to kill one another.  Now we have a new standard for stupidity.  For an even tougher test, please identify three people you personally know who would truly push human tolerance and endurance to the limit if locked up together for 105 days.

How about your mother-in-law, the checkout girl at Lowe’s, maybe a credit card rep.

(Yeah I know, don’t write me any letters)

So for all you stalworth champions who have managed to hang in there this long, here is the point.  We fritter away our time on the frivolities of life, and virtually ignore the important issues.  Meanwhile  that wonderful gang of thugs, The Taliban and other Afghan extremists attack 256 schools in that country (during the past year) for the “crime” of teaching girls, killing 58 children and teachers.

Where is the “democracy in that” if it is there, I fail to see it.

We sit back and try to gauge the competence of our leadership, while we inspect every stock-jobbing swindle, pass on the Ponzi schemes, and wonder if the crash is really going to come?  Everyone hopes and prays that if it does, that it will land on the head of our neighbor, but not before we reap the profit from the financial storm and get caught in the shower of gold.

So much for April, another old tired soldier put to bed.

I believe I will go outside, sit on the porch, seriously ponder or study the size and weight of a cloud, and do my best to forget about this past 100 days.  For the most part, I feel that Obama is doing the best he can with what he has to deal with, and this is after all, going to be a long row to hoe, it isn’t going to get solved in 100 days for cryin’ out loud. That my friends is called a reality of life.

I am going to do my best to file it in the back part of my mind and not worry about it.

This of course comes under the heading of the “best laid plans, hopes and schemes of man” a plan that seldom actually works.  No matter what picture or landscape I try to paint, they always come back to haunt me.  I am sure they will be on every channel tonight or soon to remind me.

They are never far away, so much for day #1 of the second 100 days.


Cartoon courtesy of Think Progress Online.

Hard Wired For Change


“I don’t believe I understand everything that I think that I supposedly heard about what I thought he said, that concerned me, or my spousal unit.”  But I did watch.

President Obama was speaking for forty minutes last night, and then afterwards, some dummy tells me what it was he said, for thirty more.  I never will understand that, it is as if we don’t not have the capacity as citizens to understand what is being spoken?

We seem to be hung up on this banking thing and the rest of it is awash, makes me wonder what happened to T.Boone Pickens, that guy sure disappeared fast didn’t he?  What about the mess in Afghanistan, the shortage of resources, energy problems, distribution problems, did they get the puppy yet?

Today the Internet will be alive with all the armchair critic’s who have it all figured out, who have all the answers, who know not only what day it is, but what page we seem to be on.  Must be nice.  I know that I saw it on television, it might have even been on FOX, come to think of it.  FOX is television, right?  But I do not assume to know the answers, not by any stretch of the imagination.

Not many answers, certainly the questions remain.  We are critically short of hero’s anymore, not a fresh face on the horizon that I can see.  Okay, this is what, the third or fourth time?  I think I got it.


Yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine.

My buddy said that “I am no longer a hunk.  That I need to get used to it.”  And I suppose, to some extent, he is right.  I am no longer the poster boy for the male or human race, I am not going to win the award for “Sexiest Man Alive” or something like that.  But on the same token, I am not all that ready to throw in the towel, and give up on it completely.

That is the problem, the body is no longer showing up for work, but the mind still thinks it is in the running and therefore, the rub.  It could be the fact that I am in love with a waitress that doesn’t even know my name, I dunno.  I know this …… I don’t like it.  Aging and growing older sucks.

I am not going gracefully into the sunset of my life, nor will I age like a fine old bottle of wine.

It has been one of those weeks, and the sad part is that the week for the most part is only half over.  Not long ago, someone tried unsuccessfully to hack into my bank account, so I dutifully notified my bank, Chase, that someone was up to no good and provided them the details.  They in turn never responded to my email nor did they contact me.  Why?  Pretty simple really, the crooks were after MY MONEY not theirs, so therefore, it wasn’t all that important.

This week, having the audacity to believe that things in the business world had improved, I decided to upgrade to a better credit card.  Simple business transaction, handled by more than a competent banker, on THEIR SYSTEM and nothing out of the ordinary.

Now I am entering into my third day of dealing with “fraud prevention” and getting this thing authorized and back into good working order, because some dork in Chicago doesn’t understand or speak ENGLISH and it is all ****ed up!

So here I sit, middle of the week, everything is so messed up I don’t know whether to wind my butt or scratch my watch.

I have laundry to run, email backed up, woman says shag over to China Mart for some vacuum cleaner bags, a computer at Dell.com that is being built and a PayPal that doesn’t recognize the NEW CARD, two inkers out of ink, one tire out of balance on the truck, and we are flat-out of pet food.

Rather than face the reality of it … I sit around and dream of having a one night stand with my best friends’ baby sister, even tho’ I understand now that I am no longer considered a hunk.

Middle of the week and there is no end in sight.  Half-eaten bag of ranch flavored corn nuts and not much on the plate for the future.  I took my old guitar down to Cash America and pawned it to buy some gasoline.  Took a swing at my best friend in the parking lot for suggesting that I was over the hill, spent and used up.  If I had a dime for everything that didn’t make sense at all, I surely would be living the good life, but I am not.

Situation normal.

On top of all this … The lunch left me with an undercurrent of pigginess (and) unexpected fantasies of convergence and inter-species metamorphoses began to flicker into my consciousness.  Was it the Soy Sauce or was it her?  It was silent in the small restaurant; silent except for the occasional cellphone ring and the pounding of the old mans’ heart in his throat.

The day had started beautifully, and was looking like it would end the same way, but now suddenly,  it wasn’t looking so good, the ship of state was starting to rock, we were going down.

He sat in his booth and slowly, almost methodically studied the waitress  She was a beautiful young Asian girl (about 42 or 44 years of age … Hey?  This is MY fantasy, you want younger women, go write your own!), a shapely young thing with a body that was just beginning to slow itself, and she knew that her customers liked to look at her.

It was then that the old familiar stirrings deep inside reminded him that he was no longer a hunk and he needed to get a life.

Another 900 word dirge from a orotund semi-spent geezer in the Heartland, Wednesday, Hump Day for a five day wage slave in Oklahoma. Pass me a couple of them egg rolls … I will take ’em to go.


Hump Day Dithyramb


Still dealing with a bad case of the blue funk, but I am hoping for a ray of sunshine soon, I saw a robin on the front lawn yesterday.  I suppose I could write about the President and his speech last night, but every blogger in the universe will be talking about that this morning anyway.  We could start out with some type of joke or humorous point, but I have noticed that here of late, people during hard times do not tell jokes, nothing it seems appears to be remotely funny.

This morning for instance, I am reading where some poor slob is losing his cave.  Now that is bad, when times are so rotten that you are being evicted from a cave!  If you want to read about it here is the link.

The number of illegal immigrants in the USA fell for the first time in at least four years, as the nation’s tough economy keeping fewer people from trying to sneak into the U.S. reports Homeland Security.  They might have posted some signs (in Spanish of course) at the border that reflected the economic numbers of our country and that might be what is turning them around.

Opened up the mailbox and the usual assortment was there, including one ditty that was 2200 words long, and as you all know, emails are extremely difficult to either copy or read, and 2200 words, well just forget it, I am not working my way thru some poorly written diatribe even if it is less than 5,000 words.

And there was the usual collection of Anti-Obama tripe to contend with.  In a way I truly feel sorry for the guy, a lot of this is inherent evil from the previous bunch of thugs, and he is getting a great deal of the blame early in the game, and if it fails, well, we all know what the verdict will be on that, don’t we?

Now there was one thing I found amusing this week.  It was this headline I came across the other day.  “RADICAL RIGHT — UTAH STATE SENATOR SAYS GAY PEOPLE ARE ‘THE GREATEST THREAT TO AMERICA.”

In January, according to a recent leak, state Sen. Chris Buttars (R) gave an interviewcompared gays to alcoholics and Muslim terrorists, and warned that gay people are “probably the greatest threat to America.” with a local ABC affiliate in which he rants: “To me, homosexuality will always be a sexual perversion,” Buttars said, adding, “They say, I’m born that way. There’s some truth to that, in that some people are born with an attraction to alcohol.” Buttars later called gays “the meanest buggers I ever seen.” Gays are “probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of,” he said.

Might change that to:  “Dumb A** Senators from Utah are probably the greatest threat to America” and that would be more appropriate.

While we are on the subject of dummies, here is another one.

Attorney General Eric Holder stepped into a deep mud hole when he recently referred to Americans as being a bunch of “cowards” about race. Cowards about race?  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  Americans of every color have jumped over the racial divide for the past forty years.  We just elected a person with minimum experience to the highest office in the land, a person who during the election process stated that we had 57 states, who assumed the worst economy in the world as his first elected responsibility.

A coward doesn’t do that … A champion however, takes it on.

If Mr. Holder wants to be the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of this great nation, then he needs to leave his blacks are behind the whites mentality back in the dark ages and move on with the rest of the country.  Incidentally, if you are not aware of this fact, let me point it out to you.  Mr. Holder is a black man, I would say he is a credit to his race, but the jury seems to still be out on that one.

Let us move on shall we?  How about some High Tech scumbags.  Buffalo – Ronald Blair, a member of the Kingsmen motorcycle club, faces a federal felony charge for threatening via text message the friend of a man Blair had argued with at a bar. The man’s brother is the member of the Chosen Few, a rival motorcycle club.

Authorities said they believe Blair, 39, is the first local biker accused of using text messages to deliver threats in feuds.  Remember the old days, when a bunch of thugs dressed up like MaDonna just showed up at the watering hole and punched you out.  Nowadays, “reach out and touch someone” has a whole different meaning.

Try to find something to smile about today.  I am off to Mickey D’s for a Rubber McMuffin and some coffee, Starbucks is no longer an option in my world.  Hang in there, here comes the weekend, you almost have it made.