We had thunder-garbage and twisters yesterday, and we are scheduled for more today. This time of the year, all of the local weatherman kind of get that glassy-eye look, sort of like a deer in the headlights, and they often go off the deep-end of the pool. Yesterday was such the case, everything from baseball size hail, to teacup size was described.
The apocalyptic end of the world for me and the Misses was supposed to have arrived at 10:18 P.M. and it did not actually show up until well after three in the morning. Several areas of our state did have tornadoes touch down and there was some damage, last I heard it did not cause any deaths, and that is always good news. It did however drop 2.5 inches of rain on us, and the pond filled up overnight, went from 16” to 43” in the blink of an eye. We went from something like this:
This most likely would scare the be-Jesus out of most of you, but we here in the Heartland, we are sadly, kind of used to it. We have been richly rewarded with good competent weather researchers here and out of all of them, the clear cut favorite seems to be Gary England. You can see him in several clips in the movie Twister that came out a few years back.
Being as it is a slow day on the old goat farm and in order to cope with the loss of “our regular programming” for hours on end, we have developed a game of sorts.
The Weather Guesser Game.
Here are the rules.
1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” | “Ranger 9” | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].” Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.”
1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School”
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Wayne (or Payne)
(Extra bonus points if you can correctly pronounce most of these town names without the help of your second cousin)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor.
1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions”
“National Weather Service”
“Tornado warning in effect until …”
1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” | “Do you see power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.
Finish your drink
1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you.
If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.
If and when a tornado does hit in your immediate vicinity you are most likely going to be so dog-gone drunk you won’t notice it anyway. Wonder if Parker Bros. would be interested in something like this?
Kudo’s to James our local correspondent in Wayne, Oklahoma for the game.