Weather Guessers Game

We had thunder-garbage and twisters yesterday, and we are scheduled for more today.  This time of the year, all of the local weatherman kind of get that glassy-eye look, sort of like a deer in the headlights, and they often go off the deep-end of the pool.  Yesterday was such the case, everything from baseball size hail, to teacup size was described.

The apocalyptic end of the world for me and the Misses was supposed to have arrived at 10:18 P.M. and it did not actually show up until well after three in the morning.  Several areas of our state did have tornadoes touch down and there was some damage, last I heard it did not cause any deaths, and that is always good news.  It did however drop 2.5 inches of rain on us, and the pond filled up overnight, went from 16” to  43” in the blink of an eye.  We went from something like this:

To the exact opposite in a matter of a few hours.”

This most likely would scare the be-Jesus out of most of you, but we here in the Heartland, we are sadly, kind of used to it.  We have been richly rewarded with good competent weather researchers here and out of all of them, the clear cut favorite seems to be Gary England.  You can see him in several clips in the movie Twister that came out a few years back.

Being as it is a slow day on the old goat farm and in order to cope with the loss of “our regular programming” for hours on end, we have developed a game of sorts.

The Weather Guesser Game. 

Here are the rules.

1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

One drink
1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” | “Ranger 9” | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].” Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.”

Two drinks
1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School”
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Burns Flat
Dill City
Wayne (or Payne)
(Extra bonus points if you can correctly pronounce most of these town names without the help of your second cousin)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor.

Three drinks
1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions”
“National Weather Service”
“Portable Radio”
“Take shelter”
“Tornado warning in effect until …”

Four drinks
1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” | “Do you see power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.

Finish your drink
1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you.
If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.

If and when a tornado does hit in your immediate vicinity you are most likely going to be so dog-gone drunk you won’t notice it anyway.  Wonder if Parker Bros. would be interested in something like this?


Kudo’s to James our local correspondent in Wayne, Oklahoma for the game.

Survivor Texas Style

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style!”

The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville … they will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock and Amarillo.

From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: “I’m a Democrat”, “Amnesty for Illegal’s”, “I love the Dixie Chicks”, “Boycott Beef”, “I Voted for Obama”, “George Strait Sucks”, “Hillary in 2012”  and lastly … “I’m here to confiscate your guns”.The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

No  good huh?  Well, whadya xpect for free anyway?

God Bless Texas



Up And Until Now

Hump Day!  Just a couple more, and then the weekend.  Lying here in the bed this morning and I am thinking, “I don’t get out of my bed because it is uncomfortable, cold or anything like that. I get out of it because I know that some time during the day I am going to have to separate from it. It is too heavy to carry around on my back with me all day long..”

On terribly depressing days, I get up and get dressed and I do my bang the head on the upper bunk until I pass out thing, but today feels alright ….. sorta.

So, somewhat tepidly, I will continue.

Click, another minute of time, hits the dust. I am lying there, watching the minutes tick off the red clock on top of the drawers and I am thinking of what it is that needs to be done this day, other than find my shoes. 

The coffee is good this morning, the television in the corner barks out at me. THE MONEY YOU SAVE ON FUEL WILL MAKE YOUR CAR PAYMENT! Uh huh, I am sure. No one is going to knock off $10,000 off the price of a new car, I am not stooooopid. I cannot understand how deodorant can advertise “Invisible Solid Protection”

Just checked my gasoline consumption for the month, add three, carry over the six, times two … Eeeeeouch, that sure do hurt, don’t it. Wonder what “five bucks a gallon” is going to feel like?  Please don’t hate me Mr. Oil Executive but I am just feeling ripped off.

This not good.

Again the “tree house in Belize or Honduras” idea surfaces, can a man truly live on Bananas alone? Where is that National Geographic. I am not being or thinking positive now, licking two fingers and inserting them into the electric socket, often helps to bring things into proper perspective.

I know everything is okay, Obama said so. He has to be right, I mean he is in the government  …  Trust & Obey, Trust & Obey ,,, be a good lil’ Democrat.  What goes up will eventually come down I tell myself, licking my fingers one more time …

Egypt fell apart this past week, it was colder in Nowata, Oklahoma than it was on the North Pole (Where are you now Mr.
Gore and all of your earth warming friends).  Lady Gaga was almost naked on Sixty-Minutes and the latest poll says that once again, we are in the dumper.

The United States right now is simultaneously the world’s most loved, hated, feared, and admired nation on earth.

In short … We are the late Frank Sinatra. Lucky for us, God protects fools, drunks and the United States of America.  Well, this one is pretty much “middle of the road today” I took a good shellacking on the Valentines’ Day post, sure generated some emails from the girls.  Now what was it I said?  (By the way … The mailbox is currently full, don’t send me any more fan mail.)

That is the way it often goes … You are the sum total of all your choices, up and until now.


Do You want fries with that.

Now here is a novel concept, your order on time, and it is right.  If your next fast-food order at the drive-through has the right food in the right bag, you may have  something surprising to thank: the bad economy.  In the past six months, Carl’s Jr.’s 478 locations in Southern California in particular have been able to recruit crew members more fluent in English, and thus are able to process drive-through orders more accurately.

“It’s a no-brainer.  Hiring people who are fluent in English has always been something we’ve wanted to do.  Now we can.”  That’s because, with layoffs on the rise – particularly in hard-hit Southern California – the chain can be more selective in hiring.

The unemployment rate in California hit 7.7% in August vs. the national rate of 6.1% – the most recent month from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. “When times are tough, people are willing to take jobs for which they’re over-qualified.”

Pay Attention Mr. Bush, you might learn something here.

Mexico agreed Monday to deport Cubans who sneak illegally through Mexican territory to reach the U.S., a step toward cutting off an increasingly violent and heavily used human trafficking route.  The agreement, signed by Cuban Foreign Minister Felipe Perez Roque and Mexican Foreign Secretary Patricia Espinosa, takes effect in one month. It also criticizes U.S. policy that generally allows Cubans who reach U.S. territory to stay, while turning back most caught at sea.

Cuban migrants in recent years have increasingly headed for Mexico – often to the coast near Cancun – then overland to Texas because it has become so hard to dodge the U.S. Coast Guard and reach Florida to qualify for U.S. residency.  The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that some 42 incursions into U.S. territory since last October by THE MEXICAN ARMY.  Evidently a lot of drug cartels are experiencing problems getting their merchandise over the border, so they get their Mexican buddies in the Army to make probes into U.S. soil, thus pulling the Border Patrol away from the smuggling entry points.

Next Time Take The Train

Phoenix – The price of an all-day bus or light rail pass in the city could go from $2.50 to $4.50 under a proposal being considered by transit officials. The regional transit board, struggling with falling tax revenue and rising fuel prices, will consider the hike early next year.  That is a pretty hefty hike right there wouldn’t you say?  You ever notice they never say, “uh, how about giving us a quarter extra and if that don’t work out, we will be back?”

Nah, just go for the big bucks and get it over with.

I note that a lot of travel agencies are now offering fares around the world to wonderful, exotic locations and the post the price of the trip.  And then they add, Plus Taxes and Fuel Charges.  Which kind of irritates me, how were these people planning on us getting there in the first place?  You have to use some kind of fuel to transport folks.  Why isn’t that just included in the price of the trip.

Bad news coming out of Anchorage, Alaska.  No check in the mail.

The state’s oil wealth savings account lost nearly $10 billion in a year. Most of the state’s residents receive an annual check from this fund, based on its net income averaged over five years. The fund peaked at $40.4 billion last October and now is about $30 billion.  Looks like the governor will have to go back to shopping at Target.

Even More Alaska news, and no, this is not concerning Caribou Barbie so check your hormones at the door boys.

stevensSen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, left, leaves court on Tuesday after his corruption conviction with his lawyer, Brendan Sullivan. Stevens is now calling for a probe into the federal lawyers who prosecuted him.

I guess this comes under the “You did it to me, so I am gonna do it to you, fairness doctrine in the 49th state.”

Wait … It gets better.

A juror who vanished during Alaska Senators’ corruption trial told the judge Monday she lied about her father dying and flew to California to see horse races.

U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered Marian Hinnant, identified as juror No. 4, to return to court to explain why she disappeared during jury deliberations. Hinnant brought a stack of handwritten notes with her to the court Monday along with public defender A.J. Kramer, and told the judge that her father hadn’t died and she was at the Breeders’ Cup in Arcadia, Calif.

She apologized for lying, and then started a long rambling story about horses, which included references to horse breeding, the Breeders’ Cup, drugs, President Ford’s son Steven and her condo in Florida being bugged.  At that point, the judge said, “I am thoroughly convinced you would not have been able to continue to deliberate,” Sullivan interrupted.

“Can I have a case of my own?” Hinnant asked. Sullivan referred her to Kramer and the federal public defender’s office, and excused her from his courtroom.

Outside the courthouse, Hinnant refused to answer questions about whether she was on medication or had been hospitalized. When asked what she thought about Stevens’ case, she said: “He didn’t do anything any of the other congressmen and senators did, so they’re all guilty.”

She then loaded up in her Ford Fiesta that she claims is powered by Oatmeal, and headed south to her home in the lower 48 that has tree’s that hum, and all the children glow in the dark.

Gonna go way out on the limb folks and say that Obammer walks away with the election today.  I could be wrong, but I just don’t feel like I am.  Why don’t war heroes win elections anymore?  Excepting George Bush Sr. it has been 48 years since a war hero won the presidency.  And it isn’t like there has been a big shortage or wars and conflicts the past 48 years, so that cannot be the reason.

So what is the problem?

Again, so many questions and so little time.  Oh well, time to gear up for 2012, I am thinking Rosie O’Donnell or Elizabeth Hassleback from The View … whadya think?


Reality Checque

Oh what is we gonna do? We done invested all our money in a pumpkin farm and the government done called off Halloween

The Weekend is over … The government goes back to work early this morning … You have something else to worry about b’sides the quarter of a tank needle on your gas tank.

  • Your company might not be able to meet payroll and you might not get a paycheck this week.
  • If you need to buy a home, you might not be able to get a mortgage.
  • You might not be able to get a home equity loan to repair a leaking roof.
  • If you build or repair homes, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to buy your winter home heating oil on credit.
  • If you need to buy a car, you might not be able to get a loan.
  • If you sell or make cars, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to use your credit cards to pay for an unexpected auto repair or hospital bill.
  • You might not be able to get a student loan for your next year of college.
  • If you own a grocery store, you might not be able to put food on the shelves.
  • If you own a gas station, you might not be able to fill up your tanks.
  • If you own a small business, you could go out of business.
  • If you sell coffee or lunch to people who build homes and sell cars or work in a grocery store or gas station, you could lose your job too.
  • If you don’t have a job, it might be harder to find one.

California has announced that they are broke and like the rest of us, need a loan, 600 car dealerships are closing per month in America, #1 status credit buyers (perfect credit scores) do not get a loan, six out of every ten cars in America are sold on credit (loans). Sixty Minutes last night on CBS reports that this entire banking crisis thing was the direct result of incompetent greedy bankers and now YOU pick up the tab. Bank of America pulls a $125 million dollar credit line from a west coast home builder who they have been doing business with for almost two decades, has never been late on one single payment and was current at the time the credit was withheld.

By the way, last Tuesday, Mr. Bush signed off on a bill to give the automobile companies $25 billion in loans, you know about that? Now let’s review: $85 billion for A.I.G., $800 billion plus for the Wall Street Hole In The Head Gang, $25 billion for the GM boys.

First thing you know, we are gonna be talking some REAL MONEY here.

Business as usual, the jets are flying this morning in some restricted zone far from here in some distant land, and the smart bombs are falling like spring rain on some poor sap just trying to get by like you and me. The lunch counter will be abuzz with new ideas and theories on how to eliminate these Robber Barons on The Street and find new ways to pay off the lobbyists goons that are sapping the lifeblood of our treasury (currently empty right now).

America is really an amazing place. We can send an eighteen year old to a distant far away place to die, but we cannot prosecute these malfeasance bankers who sit high up in the ivory towers, immune to the problems of the rest of the world.

Modern Day Untouchables and worse, with taxpayer bonuses.

We spend billions to search the globe for the last bed a terrorist slept in, and allow our own children to go to bed at night hungry. Our old and aged, sick and ignored, rot away in rest homes for lack of medical attention.  It’s so bad even the Mexicans went home, and they were living here for free.

About the only good news I can see here is that sack of garbage O.J. Simpson was found guilty and will be sentenced in December to a possible life in prison … Which is about 13 years too late if you ask me. Just like Elvis, when he joined the Army, we will lose on revenue on this too.

I find it ironic that he is being held in “security isolation” from the general prison population for his own safety. He seems to like knife fights, let him out in the yard with the rest of his peers.

Time to get back to work, we still have to rescue some twenty border-line bankrupt airlines, we are not done yet.


Goodbye George

George Carlin died over the weekend of a heart attack. He was 71. I seem to be losing a lot of friends to heart attacks here lately, he will be missed. Al Sleet, the Hippy Dippy Weatherman, Stuff, The Seven Dirtiest Words You Cannot Say On Television. He will be missed, and his humor, I suppose will live on, but it won’t be the same.

It never is.

CBS Sixty-Minutes ran a piece on the disintegration of the Salmon population in the West over the weekend. Salmon runs are now depleted to the point of being almost non-existent. What used to be 16 million a year, is now under 1 million and continues to decline to the point of extinction. Dams, stream siltation by logging interests, pollution and over fishing seem to be the problem. The human population is above the level that can be accommodated by the environment it seems.

What I cannot understand, given all these problems, why does the Government of the United States provide to the local indigenous Indian tribes grant money in the tune of $500,000 to buy new gill nets to take even more fish? The fish disappear, Alcoa Aluminum and the west, get cheap electricity, seem like a fair trade off to you?

There is news in the world concerning computers: Digital 60 Day marks the 60th anniversary the birth of the ‘Baby’ or Small Scale Experimental Machine (SSEM), which is the forerunner of all modern computers. Baby was far from it, she weighed in at over a ton, and took up a lot of space. ‘The Baby’ successfully executed its first program in Manchester on 21 June 1948. That program was written by the late Tom Kilburn who designed and built the machine at The University of Manchester with the late Freddie Williams.

You know, if advances in automobiles had taken the same route as computers, they would be very efficient right now, about what, 70% more efficient to hazard a guess? One liter of fuel would serve the United Kingdom for a year and oil reserves would last the expected lifetime of the solar system – if efficiency in the car industry had improved at the same rate as in the computer world.

Think about it. My first computer, an Apple Mac had 512K and 256K of that was required just to “run the system.” They have indeed come a long way …..  Man, I just took a drink of my soda, and it “went down the wrong pipe” as my mother used to say, and now I have sticky gooey stuff all over my desk and my keyboard. Oklahoma backyard journalism is not pretty this day boys & girls, not pretty at all.

The Oil Companies ran another ad in the paper this weekend once again trying to convince us that “they are our buddies.” Here is something to think about … If you are a NICE GUY then you don’t have to RUN ALL OVER TOWN telling people that you are …. They already know.

One company touts the broad ownership of oil company shares by pension funds and implies that viewers’ pensions might very well be benefiting from the superb financial performance of the energy industry. The full page ad also suggests that oil companies really don’t make that much money when compared to other industries in America.

Uh correct me if I am wrong but …. This would presumably make oil companies poor investments for one’s pension fund, wouldn’t it?.

When the truth conflicts with the myth, sell the myth.