Christmas Last Year 2012

Didn’t I Get This Last Year?

(Parody of Do You Hear What I Hear?)

Said my nephew Tim to his Aunt Louise
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
Same thing every year Aunt Louise
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
Some socks, some socks and some tiny BVDS
But I can’t get them up past my knees
Could you return them please Aunt Louise?
 
Open this one first Uncle Bob
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
Try to act suprised Uncle Bob
But I got this last year?
But he got that last year
A tie, a tie wider than a mile
With a pattern way out of style
With a pattern way out of style
 
Said my wife to our neighbors ‘cross the street
I think we got this last year
I think we got this last year
What a thoughtful gift Peg and Al
I think we got this last year
I think we got this last year
A plant, a plant in a moldy mayonnaise jar
They must have dug one up from their yard
They must have dug one up from their yard
 
Said the Dad to his kids on Christmas day
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
This is just exactly what I want
This is just exactly what I want
Just as much as last year
Just as much as last year
 
Surprise, surprise a coupon for some fries
That was really very thoughtful you guys
 
Really very thoughtful you guys
 
 
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
Didn’t I get this last year?
I’m sure I got this last year
Didn’t I get this last year?
 
You know, thanks that was really very nice
Didn’t I get this last year?
 

A Christmas Tree 2012

(Parody of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
by Brenda Lee)

Shoppin’ around for a Christmas tree
At the grocery parking lot
Every thing over 4 foot 3
Is ‘bout hundred bucks a pop
Schlepin’ around for a Christmas tree
And I still haven’t found a thing
In a trailer I met some drunken’ guy
And we did some haggling

People get that ornamental feelin’ every year,
Mom’s and Dad’s and kids all happy
Till they get their hands all scratched and sappy

Shoppin’ around for Christmas trees
What a crappy holiday
Today they smell so fresh and green
They’ll be dead on Christmas Day

You will get that ornamental feeling every year
When you find a tree that looks real jolly,
If you turn it round, it’s as brown as Charlie’s

Choppin’ down my Christmas tree
In a true old-fashioned way
Toppin’ it off with a Spotted Owl
And make hasty get away

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Amazing Grace 2012

The best gifts for Christmas are:

  • To your friends — loyalty.
  • To your enemy — Forgiveness.
  • To your boss — Service.
  • To a child — A good example.
  • To your parents — Gratitude and devotion.
  • To your mate — Love and Faithfulness.
  • To all men and women — Charity.
  • To God — Your life.
  • Make This Year A Wonderful Holiday with your co-workers and your families.

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Mrs. Klaus

Me And Mrs. Claus

(Parody of Me and Mrs. Jones By Billy Paul)

Me and Mrs. Claus
We got a thing going on
We both know that it’s naughty
But when Santa’s gone we’re loose at the North Pole now
We meet every Christmas Eve
As Kris Kringle leaves… 6:30
The reindeer team’s in the air
Sexy toys making all kinds of noise
While the jack-in-the-box displays her mistletoe thong
Me and Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus
We’ve got a thing going on
We’ve gotta be extra careful
We’ve got those toys to build
And I’m just a Santa’s workshop guy
I want to sneak off and unwrap you behind the old man’s sleigh
Same time as last year
Rudolph knows
And Frosty knows
And even Herby knows
That it’s wrong
 
OOO
 

Have a great weekend.

Here is what folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Clear Blue Sky  
The Worry Tree  
Good Decorations (audio)  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Flu Ride (Audio)  
12 Days Of Christmas (audio)  
The Christmas Letter  
My Favorite Animal  
Wood Ice Chest

The Christmas Letter

Joshua one of our grandchildren is seven now.  I still remember the day I met him, he was a “preemie” came out of the chute weighing less than a five pound bag of sugar.  Real small, I had never saw a baby that small before.  But he turned out just fine.  He is a handful, great little kid.

The other day I walked into the kitchen, and there he sat, little red head facing down towards the table, feet just off the floor, and I thought to myself, “They grow up so fast.  Soon he will be a teenager and we will not have this time with him.”

Oblivious to just about everything in the room, he was deep into his ritual.  He was intently hovering over his piece of yellow paper, the kind with the “big lines” on it and I asked him “Josh, what he are you doing?” and he said, “writing a letter to Santa Claus.”

Carefully, unknown to him, I studied him intently.  I watched him labor with “his letters” as he refers to them, working diligently with each stroke, with care, with his big #2 pencil, he put his thoughts down on the paper.

Who knows?  Possibly for the very first time.

So I slowly walked over to the table and I peered down on the sheet of paper, curious to see what it is that he was so diligently working on and I saw:  “Dear Santa, I can save you some time this year, please skip my sister.”  So I asked him about that, did he think it was right, did he think it was the “proper thing to do?”

And he didn’t quite have an answer for me.

“Josh, you know about the naughty and nice rule, right?” and he shook his little head and said, “Yes.”  Do you think this fits in that area?  Naughty or nice?  He thought about it for a minute and then said, “I dunno.”  So then I said to him, “I can get you off the naughty list, but it costs a buck?  You got a buck?” and like a rocket, he shot out of the chair, ran into the TV Room and said to his dad, “Dad, can I have a dollar?”

Lord help us.

And yes, there isn’t anything better in the world than being a registered Grandfather.

Good Decorations Christmas Parody 

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The Day After

Day after Christmas, time to reflect on what was what.  Exciting place for us, all the grandkids under foot and the family unit (such as it is) back in place for a short span of time.  With each year, the meaning of, and the feeling of the holidays change somewhat.  As one year comes to a close, a new year begins, and often, you cannot help but to be a little bit sad.

Sitting in my easy chair, I watch the parade of my life from the curb and clap as it rolls by.  I watch the Ford commercials on television and smile to myself.  Mike Rowe has a better idea.   These new Ford commercials they are running with the Dirty Jobs guy kind of crack me up.  Dirty Jobs on the Discover Channel profiles the unsung American laborers who make their living in the most unthinkable — yet vital — ways.  Our brave host and apprentice Mike Rowe (currently looking for dead fossils in Utah when he is not pimping off half-tons on TV at the Mall) leads us through this process.  On any given day, you will find Mike on the Ford Commercials on just about every television channel you might find.

Doing his level best to pointing out sublime cool neat accoutrements such as cigarette ashtrays and Big Gulper cup holders.

I often get a kick out of these commercials, glued, no riveted to the screen, I watch as Mike goes to the mall and talks about the new Ford automobiles and trucks (Funny but I never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine going to the mall to find a good deal on a truck … what was I thinking?).  With grace and seemingly no work at all, he hawks their apparent advantages to the cost-conscious car buying public.  Tonight he was pushing a Ford pickup on this unsuspecting American pickup buyer and after the spleel, the guy looks at Mike and says …. “Wow!  Where do I get one of these?”

Yes, I know.  Incredible.

(Uh try Big Lots Bucko, they might have one or two models on sale that were left over from Christmas)

Noticing the lights are coming on for the holidays, but it is still daylight, I guess I will have to reset the timer.  After the 21st of the month (first day of winter) the days naturally start to get even longer, such is the case here now.  It cannot be all that far off now, where American Idol will once again be a staple of our viewing fare and our days are spent in the shop sharpening the lawnmower blades in anticipation of spring.

My mind can now reflect on the Christmas that was and work on my new list for next year or other important things.

But there is good news, having stopped the ridiculous snow machine on my webpage and the days being longer, leaves me more time to find and point out the ludicrous things that happen on a daily basis, this process we call … Life.  Things like spending $400 on a battery powered dump truck, extra batteries, a battery charger, wrapping it all up and presenting it to a four year old.

Only to watch him spend the rest of the entire day playing with the box that it came in.

Stuff like that.

2011 has been an eclectic mix of this and that, and like most everyone else, I am not sad to see it leave.  I am in fact, looking ahead with great anticipation to 2012 which is incidentally the last year on the Mayan Calendar.  I am hearing a lot of grousing about “it being finally over” so I feel that I am not alone in my outlook for a New Year.  A fresh beginning, I have always been a sucker for something new.

That is today’s post … a dirty job … but someone has to do it.

yuk-yuk … (Okie Humor)

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