Did you know, that gesturing with your hands as you speak, actually improves your memory?
It is hard on lampshades and other pieces of furniture in the home however.
My sister, does this, one time jokingly we said to her, “sit on your hands and then talk” and she could not do it, she started stuttering.
Let’s see what is on the agenda for today? Make history, fix economy, get puppy, end wars, measure drapes, close Guantanamo, Unify America, get milk, hire Rahm, appear bi-partisan, find a new school for the kids. Man, I am glad that I am not the president elect, writing this two-bit rag now appears to be a piece of cake.
Gimme My Change
A North Carolina woman has been awarded $3.1 million after Target employees refused to accept her $100 bill. The cashiers not only decline the bill, they emailed her photo to police and local businesses as a suspect counterfeiter. Her attorney says the store got off light. “Where can we go to buy back your good name?” Evidently you cannot purchase or buy it at Target that is for sure.
(Now switch over to your best Andy Rooney mood when you read this next part)
You ever notice, how a few months back, every time you handed someone a twenty, they pulled out their little magic marker and swiped it? Now days, they just take the money … so hungry for the cash now, they don’t care if it’s real or not.
Did you notice that all the bankers that came running and begging for government money didn’t have a problem raising fee’s and interest rates afterwards? And that all the Stock Market crowd are giving out end of the year bonuses for doing a sorry job …
While we are at it, did you ever notice how the money changers at ChinaMart scoop your money up, the first time, and then dispense your change? But if you go to the Post Office and use their machines, they make you “force feed the sucker a dollar bill ten times” before it will do the deal …. What’s up with that? (now wasn’t that fun?)
The Egyptian Love Boat
Ever wonder about life in an Islamic country, here is your chance, something as simple as flirting with girls, can get you in a lot of hot water. Check it out here.
Civic duty to extremes
An American couple have flown from India to New York City just to vote in the Presidential election. The couple’s absentee ballots failed to arrive, so they jumped on a plane for the 9,300 mile flight. In Florida 350 residents of a Florida nudist colony petitioned the state to open a clothing optional voting site. No word on how many “hanging chads.” (groan) Kenya declared a national holiday to celebrate Barack Obama’s election win. People poured into the streets, and danced, and carried Obama’s half-brother Kalik on their shoulders.
For sale … Dirt Cheap
The Iraqi government which received no nibbles on its offer to sell Saddam Hussiens 269 ft yacht. The luxury craft, valued at some thirty million dollars is outfitted with swimming pools, gold-tap bathrooms, a secret escape passageway, and several barely used rocket launchers. In other related Iraqi news, they have graciously agreed to “allow us to leave” in three years. What a deal. Still no word on Osamma Been Forgotten but here is a well written piece on it. Crackerboy.
Ottawa Canada ER’s are experiencing difficulty meeting case loads. Emergency rooms in Canada are so crowded that patients are dying while they wait to be treated. Treatment is free in Canada national health-care system, and in many hospitals, packed ambulances idle outside for hours because there is no place to leave patients. Some are describing the system as a “third world country.”
Tell your story … Here are two dust catchers if I ever saw one.
Joe the Plumber is now going to write a book. Sarah Palin has a rumored book deal, and now we get to hear about their incredible rise to fame and their lives in the public spotlight. Also Joe has been rumored to be considering a “country and western record” deal on top of that. Has hired a Nashville Public Relations firm and the whole nine-yards.
Some possible song titles for the upcoming CD:
- 10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
- 9. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
- 8. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
- 7. I’ve Missed You, But My Aim’s Improvin’.
- 6. Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dogfight ‘Cause She Might Win.
- 5. I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still Here.
- 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
- 3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
- 2. She’s Lookin’ Better with Every Beer.
- And the Number One Country & Western song might be …
- 1. It’s Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed on You’re a** All Day
Me? I am holding out for the movie. And yes, we are still working on the Creative Endeavors Sunny Acres Sunshine band and will have more news on that in a few days.
Watch for it.
I will now return faithfully to the sanctimony of our bat-cave, where I hang upside down during the daylight hours (it’s really a walk-in-closet, but bat cave sounds so incredibly cool … don’tya think?). This is the treatment Cup Cake has suggested for me to delay aging, it allows in the short term, to get blood to flow to my upper body, which will give me that vibrant flushed youthful appearance.
Makeup just isn’t working.