Fly The Friendly Skies …

1c

Man-man, here it is the first of a brand new month, time for more verbal intercourse with the whore of the Internet.  Another indictment of public education from the Blond headed kid who sat in the back of the room, writing YOUR NAME on his notebook and you never even noticed.

So, what should we discuss this day? Good News – Bad News – Is “Double Jeopardy” really all that noteworthy?  

Continue reading

Is That Seat Taken ….

The ground below me is a checker board of farms and long highways …  I am flying the middle seat, 38,000 ft up to Oakland, California working a crossword puzzle. Finding myself stumped I cannot figure out a four letter word for “woman.”  At that time I kind of mumble under my breath (a character trait that my wife and most women do not like) and the lady sitting next to me inquires, “having a problem?” She has in her lap, coincidentally, a puzzle book too. Continue reading

Taking It Easy …

After a major operation awhile back, my doctor advised me to “go home and take it easy.  Which was a relief, I sure didn’t want to hear, “you only have _____ to live or something like that.  Just this week I observed a test on “How Long Do You Have Left To Live” or something along those lines.  I sure don’t know, but I do know this … I will take today … this is a great day to be above ground. 

This operation was necessitated by an improper lifestyle in my youth and the mixing of different chemical compounds, freely ingested, sometimes in the dark.  Then later on in life, you discover that Viagra and heart attacks are clearly no fun at all. 

Anywho ….. Like I said, “After a major operation my doctor advised me to “go home and take it easy.” So that is what I did, as a matter of pure unadulterated fact, I brought myself back here to the old Goat Farm and as the youngsters are so fond of saying … I chilled.

At that time, I discovered I was really good at this taking it easy stuff.  Now how’s that for a good morning chuckle? (No good … Well, whadya expect for free anyway?)

If it is not too much trouble …  Which one of you FaceBook Dwellers posted the 257 pictures to my drop-box?  I sure didn’t want to see all that.  Especially the picture of that one heavy set farm girl in Omaha, dressed in a wagon-sheet, who wanted to friend me. 

This gal was so big (How Big Was She Don?) that when she walked, even her shadow ran out of breath!  She was so big that she could not fly commercial airlines, because every time she sighed or sneezed, the air masks dropped down.  

One more thing and then I am outta here.  All the selfie photographs I’ve taken of myself wearing nothing but oven mitts and a tiara will never be shared on a Facebook page.  This my final answer on that.

(No good … Well, whadya expect for free anyway?)

DSC01723

As usual I haven’t done a dog-gone thing today … Hey the wife is dead wrong … I am getting better at this.  Also an added bonus being Global Warming is officially in full swing, I might be able to chill just like this all winter long.

Will let you know ….

<><><>

Related:  Global Warming Discussion

Monday – Monday

Open the POD doors Hal … A Massachusetts court dismissed child-pornography charges against Michael Fiola, a state employee. It was alleged that the 53-year-old had accessed the illegal material at work, but an extensive forensic investigationof his computer revealed that viruses and other malicious programs—25 of them, to be exact—were the culprits.

Why would someone create a virus that downloads child pornography?

So other people could secretly view the porn. Fiola’s computer had been taken over remotely by “botnet” operators, who lowered its security protections and may have sold child-porn enthusiasts access to the machine. This enabled people to view illegal images and videos by storing them in Fiola’s temporary Internet Files cache, as opposed to their own computers. Fiola remained oblivious to the tampering because the bot operators made sure they didn’t slow down the computer too much by consuming lots of memory.

Have you checked your Temp. Files lately?

Man, I don’t know about you, but I am tiring of all this Email about Barrack Obama and McClain, it is reaching the point of outright “spammerizim” and I wish it would just go away. (BTW, that is a totally new word I just made up … As Elvis would say … Thank You Very Much!) 

Yeah, click your heels together three times Dorothy and say .. I wish the entire process would just go away. I wish the entire process would just go away. I wish the entire process would just go away.

As Ferris Bueller says at the end of the movie … Are you still here? ( Anyone know how to spell Bueller?)

The Barack Obama presidential campaign introduced a new site last week, FightTheSmears.com, that it hopes will debunk persistent myths about the senator: that he’s a Muslim, that he won’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, etc. The sad thing about people is this, “People are going to believe what it is that they believe,” no matter what. As it has been argued before, restating the myths often reinforces them, no matter how persuasively they’ve been refuted.

“We have a guy sitting in the highest office of the land right now that is a prime example of that.” One other thing, just because the Obammer camp puts up a website, that doesn’t mean the “content” of that website is going to be true or factual.

Mull that one over in your mind for awhile.

We have all these other pressing issues to worry about right now. Why are we so obsessed with Sara Jessica Parker? The lead hottie in Sex and the City, why are all her clothes looking like that, I mean really? Man, I am so glad that I am not a woman. I don’t want to sit around all day wondering if my nose is right, or my hips, rear end, conform to societal norms.

Why I hate my boobies. Why it is that I don’t like myself.

Much better being a guy, scratching parts of your body you haven’t seen in five years, pickin your nose and grunting like some kind of ancestral wild animal from the darkest parts of the Grand Canyon. We got the better deal, except for that facial hair, shaving thing, and that dying at an early age problem, that is a bummer I suppose.

I have another site that I post on, I would like to tell you where it is, but it is secret. I could tell you, but only after a serious session of Water Boarding at Guantanamo Bay because it is classified. (Okay YOU spell it!) The big issue over there was not Home-Land Insecurity but rather service. It appears that I missed the boat entirely.

It has been pointed out that I should have mentioned: Baggage surcharges, Late arrivals, Long ticket lines, re-ticketing penalties, soft drink charges, crowed gates, impersonal ticketing, stuffed overhead racks, tarmac sitting, late departures, surly, knuckle-draggin airline hostess people.

Some of the things I apparently missed.

And y’all want to know why I WRITE ABOUT FLYING and don’t actually DO any flying. These are just a few of the things that I apparently skipped over in my never ending constant crusade to reveal the truth about life and the Republican Party.

So, I missed the boat about flying this week, which is okay, because I am NOT flying anywhere, anytime, anyplace. For one thing, I have an aversion for people who use words like: “Terminal” or “Final Destination” that has a tendency to really bug me.

I did however manage to catch a few items thru the fog this week. It was an interesting week, quotes from our favorite three stooges:

  • We can drill our way out of the gas crisis.
  • No wait, change that.
  • We can tax our way out of this mess (windfall tax)
  • And I, unfortunately, have been to too many disasters as president.
  • And finally …“Huh? What’s zat?”

000


Dream Weaver

 

 

 

 Meanwhile back at the cave:

 

“Wait.  What did you say?…You’re predicting $4 a gallon gasoline?  … I hadn’t heard that.”

George W. Bush

 

‘My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you’ll join with me as we try to change it.’
 Barack Obama

 

“Huh?  Whatzat?”

John McClain

 

Have not been sleeping all that good here lately, so I did a little research on sleep and the dream state, the human body and all that good stuff.  Just finished this article on dreams and what they mean to tell you in the quiet moments of the night. 

 

For instance, If your teeth fall out or crumble, you’re unhappy with your physical appearance and it may also mean you’re excessively concerned about how others perceive you. 

 

If you’re giving birth, great change is unfolding.  Dreaming about babies indicates a desire to behave more maturely.  If you can fly, you’ve just conquered a stressful situation.  If you dream that you’re able to control where you fly, it’s a sign of confidence.  Flying aimlessly suggests you’re cautiously optimistic about your success.  Last night I dreamed I was naked as the day is long and I was slowly backing into a greasy, cold brass door knob ….. No telling on that one huh?

 

Fish and chips with attitude.  Police arrested a longtime restaurant owner in Acworth, Georgia for selling more than seafood out of his establishment.  Investigators said they found a pound of marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstasy, five guns and 10 mason jars of moonshine.  And you guys thought all them boys in Alabama had all the fun? 

 

Check please. 

 

Raining here today, a little moisture and that is good.  I am listening to the rain rattle on the carport and the sound gives me the urge to go to the bathroom.  I noticed that the sound of running water will frequently do that to me, asked my neighbor the same thing, “Does the sound of running water affect you?” and he said, “Nope, don’t do a thing for me, I am as regular as clockwork, go every morning at 7:30 a.m. on the dot.”  I said, “Well that is amazing, just like clockwork huh, 7:30 a.m. every morning, right on the money?” and he said, “Yeppers.  Only thing is I don’t get up until 8:15 am or so.”

 

Big surprise here. 

 

Efforts to tax oil companies dies in the Senate this week ….. Now there is a major yawner there boys & girls?  Who would have ever “thunk thet?”  Oil protests in other countries this week too.  Hong Kong, Nepal, India …  people got out and marched in the streets to protest (notice they were not driving anything, so much for the India is using more of the world’s oil rumor huh?) and the Spanish are now reported to be stockpiling the stuff.  Fearing shortages by striking truck drivers which have also got the Portuguese to join, people are starting to protest the high price of fuel worldwide now.

 

AAA Auto Association is now reporting more people are being towed under Emergency Situations.  Meanwhile in Detroit, GM and Ford are furiously designing a totally new gas gauge for the 2009 model year, with an additional “F” in it.  This will be located just below empty for the convenience of the American consumer who seems to be preoccupied on running on fumes.

 

Rock Hill, South Carolina has had enough of “displays of enthusiasm at high school graduations” and has asked the local police to arrest anyone who is applauding at ceremonies.  I am not making this up. 

 

If you clap, they are hauling you off to the slammer.  Seven people were arrested by police and charged with public disorderly conduct after being accused of cheering during a recent graduation ceremony. 

 

The nerve of these people, actually cheering a graduating senior, are they out of their minds.  Don’t they know that it is illegal to pray before a football game in Texas, what were they thinking.  I suppose these portable Co2 boat horns are out of the question huh?

 

So who is it gonna be? 

 

Everyone is trying to outguess each other on who the Vice Presidential candidates will be.  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Batman and Robin, Sonny & Cher no longer an option, Tony Orlando and Dawn, no wait that is a three-some. 

 

America is fresh out of hero’s.  I seriously wrack my brain, and I just cannot figure out a dynamic duo for this election that is apparently taking forever to get over with.  Locating suitable replacements for our current leadership is presenting a problem it seems  It is going to be hard to replace “Biggy Rat and Itchy Brother” they have endeared themselves to us so much over the years.

 

Taking into consideration how much faith the average voter has in the system, we don’t really search out the people with the ability to lead.  When you look back on the presidents of the past, it is kind of disappointing to see how many lack-luster, less than great, presidents we have had.  We have had in the past, good ones, bad ones, mediocre ones and the one we have now.

 

He makes me smile … Just this week he announced “I have done about all I can for the American Economy.”  Yup … sure have, that dog aint gonna hunt either Dubya.

 

So I had this dream, and I am up in the air, slowly circling the Washington monument in D.C., and I can see and hear God speaking to me, around and around this ancient monolith I soar, and it is as if I have been circling for a thousand years and I still do not know if I am a Falcon, a Hawk or just a plain old Oklahoma Rock Dove (Pigeon), and I hear the rain on the carport …  and …. Uh oh.

 

000