Quick Silver … Penny For Your Thoughts

Here you go!  This is for all of you like George Barenbrock who always had their science project turned in on time.  Back in the day, when we were kids, we used to take Mercury and smear it all over a penny, to make it look like a dime. 

Then we would go to the store and attempt to purchase a candy bar with it.  Try doing that today, I bought a candy bar over the weekend, and it was $1.39 plus tax.  My money doesn’t even slow down when it gets to me. 

Continue reading

Letters From Home …

DSC01665Letters from Home …  Today I will share with you something really special.  I have been considering this for a long time.  The month of February is almost complete, and I still have a lot of things I was going to do, left to do.  That is nothing new with me. Continue reading

Good News …

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Just got off the phone with the doctor, and he gave me some good news for a change.  He said my recent round of poking and prodding produced nothing of a significant nature and that I am okay.

Which after what I have been thru here lately is definitely a boost for me.

With six visits to the ER in the last two years and the operating room twice, it has taken a toll on the fuel fund, let me tell you.  Now I can sit back and take it in, one day at a time, without so much as a hint of anxiety.

So there is good news and there is bad.

First the good, the prognosis is great for a change, which is a most welcome relief. Now the bad, it appears that I am going to be around a little while longer.

So here is the game plan boys & girls … I plan on increasing my sarcasm by a measure of at least 18% and today I am going to town to celebrate with a BLT.

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Stressful Issues

“Find a way to cheer up bucko … If you don’t … Anxiety and Worry will surely kill you.

Worry takes a heavy toll.”

This time of the year, a lot of people suffer from anxiety.  I myself find that I am not immune to it, and that I often feel depression sneaking in to my life to rob me of my joy.  Church goers possibly have a step up on everyone else, as the Bible instructs them to “not be anxious or to worry, for all of their needs shall be met by the Lord.”  Studies have long established that regular church going folk, have fewer problems as prayer lowers the body’s blood pressure and has a calming effect.

Also at this time of the year, the New Year, folks are worrying more about what is to come than at other times of the year, which leads to anxiety, worry.  Even tho we have long established traditions in place, seasons of time, the fear of the unknown seems to creep in and place all of us or at least a few of us, in deep seated worry and anxiety.

Which in turn kills us slowly and surely.

My good friend Ricky used to have a saying it was D.W.A.B.I. (“Doo-wah-bee”) which was his country way of saying … Don’t Worry About It.  Taking the stress of everyday life too much to heart could increase your risk of cardiovascular disease and shorten your life. Ironically, Ricky was sitting at the table in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee, and reeled over from a massive heart attack and died, at the ripe old age of 45.

A study of over 65,000 people found that those who reported feeling even “mild anxiety” of the sort that distracted them, depleted their self confidence, or sometimes kept them awake at night, were 16 percent more likely to die over a 10-year period than those with no such worries.

About one and four people experiences mild anxiety, but most remain untreated because don’t have “sufficient symptoms to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or a depressive illness.”

So, if you are seriously feeling like you are down in the dumps now that the holiday is officially over, all the parties have subsided and it is hard to get back into the groove, if all you have left to snack on is a holiday fruit cake and no one to talk to.

Find a way to cheer up bucko … If you don’t … Anxiety and Worry will surely kill you.

Worry takes a heavy toll.

Have a great weekend, we will see all of you on Monday.

OOO

Possibly Related:  Creative Endeavors D.W.A.B.I.

What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Girl Of My Dreams  
8-women-who-auctioned-off-their-virginity  
Wood Ice Chest  
Missed Opportunities  
2013 – Here we go.  
The Worry Tree  
Friday Out-Take  
Fantasy And Reality  
Other posts

Junk Food Junkie

Well-well, the day after-the day after-Thanksgiving, most of us are done stuffing groceries down our neck, some of the women folk are back from the sales.  Probably safe to say a few of the guys are now recovering from a full blown highly charged cheering almost comatose viewing of the NFL on just about any channel on TV over the weekend.  In some states, if your husband watches more than four NFL games back to back?  You can have him declared “Legally Dead.”

Me?

This afternoon I find myself standing in the lobby of the Burger King, on another “shop until I drop mission” to town (she shops … I usually nap in the truck)  Carefully I survey the area.  After ensuring that my personal health care professional was nowhere to be found, I bravely step up to the counter and place my order with the kid.  He is young, bright and attentive, no open sores that I can see, this might just be my day?

I had something that I am not supposed to have today.  It was good, it had been a long time since I had one of these.  I had a Cheeseburger and an order of fries, number three washtub sized Diet Doctor Pepper.

It was sinfully delicious and I enjoyed every bite of it.

How do you justify irrational behavior like this?  Doing something that you know is wrong and you should not do.  In my case, I just try to locate someone who is worse off than myself, and that sort of justifies it (for me anyway).

Like Joey Jaws’ Chestnut the most recent winner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York held each year at Coney Island.  Joey wolfed down 62 hot dogs in just a little under 10 minutes time.  He also won the lottery on bad cholesterol and other not so nice items the human body is not supposed to have.  His binge loaded up his digestive and cardiovascular systems with 19,158 calories, 1,246 grams of fat, 2,170 grams of cholesterol, and 42,408 milligrams of sodium.

At least I skipped the Apple Pie. 

And that was not all that easy to do believe me. 

They are pimping them off two for a dollar now …

And these days there aint a whole lot of value in a dollar.

Face it, we eat a lot, over the last three decades, Americans have gone from 3.8 meals per day to an average of 4.9 meals daily.  (Now don’t ask me about that, I am still trying to figure out what those 2.5 children per family look like from the last census report.)

You hear the one about the Census taker that goes up to the house and he is interviewing the woman who lives there and he says, “How many children do you have?” and she says, “Well, there is William, Martha, Peter, Charles, Billy, Donna and …. “ just then the census taker interrupts her and says, “What is the number?”  She looks at him, square in the eye and replies … “Well hell, we aint run outta names yet!

But I digress … I am sorry.

Pass me some of them tharr biscuits to help me sop up this gravy!

The average American now consumes 2,376 calories per day which is about 32 percent more since the 70’s.  And I was hammering down Twinkie’s and Ding Dongs like they were going out of style in those days.

Truth is, everything you eat is going to hurt you in some way, the trick is to find those things that are worth suffering for.  It appears that in my unique circumstance it is going to be a Cheeseburger every now and then.  I have become friends with my fat, and that is the end of the story.

Gotta run I understand that Paula Deen is on the Food Channel later on today and they are doing a road-kill Armadillo (Tastes Just Like Chicken Y’all).  Umm .. mmm Yummy, don’t want to miss that.

OOO

Everything I Love Is Killing Me

Went to the doctor this week, well actually, have been to the doctor twice in just over ten days now.  Which if you are a normal person, is never a pleasant sort of experience. 

Doctor’s it seems never have any good news for you, they always want to take from you something that you enjoy immensely or have grown quite fond of over the years, and replace it with a little salmon colored pink pill.

Such is the case here.

A new page in the book of life has rolled over, and on the very top of the new one, I see “High Blood Pressure.”  This is not really all that new, I have been married to the same woman for over thirty-years and this would give anyone “high blood pressure.”  Come to think of it, she most likely has it too.  If she doesn’t, she aint that far away from it rest assured. You know what is coming next dontcha? 

Give up something.

Funny how things change.  I used to believe that your kids gave you high blood pressure, now days I am finding out, I have to be nice to them, as they are the one’s who pick out your nursing home.  Other things can lead to high blood pressure, the two neighbor ladies taking up all the aisle at WalMart visiting completely oblivious to other shoppers in the store, or road rage would do it, but now I find that just getting out of bed, watching five to ten minutes of the local news, is enough to jump start it for the day.

Who would have ever imagined that.

This is how it works.  You go see the doctor, he or she as the case might be, and then he or she as the case might be, diagnoses you and then you are required to give up something and of course, given a new prescription to take with you as you leave.  Right now, after having added this new one to my daily routine, I am now taking “A Ford Hubcap full of lug nuts twice a day” and possibly in line for even more!

Which is kind of sad, when you stop to consider this.

At this point in my life, I have given up:  Smoking, drinking, cheating at cards, most of the ten food groups, trifling with other monkeys’ monkeys, lying, popcorn and baby-back ribs.  In order to keep my health (which they now say is borderline or marginal) I am required to spit it out, if it tastes good, and a second portion, well, that is out of the question.

Which makes me wonder what I am going to have to surrender now?  I suppose it will be coffee, that might be the next thing for me to give up.  All of this just to stay above ground every morning and of course, pay my taxes.

At this juncture in life I am discovering that everything that I like is either adding to my weight or killing me softly.  And that is a real bummer, a major disappointment.  We have a talking scale in the bathroom and when I step up onto it it will say …. “Come back when you are alone.”  Which is a real let down.  I don’t understand why a doctor cannot understand why it is that when you reach a certain age in life, you become friends with your fat?  I don’t want to burn it off, and my metabolism such as it is, won’t even begin to lite a fire in the first place.

Another thing I found  out this week, I have the beginning of cataracts, which I did not understand (turns out they are quite common at this age) and I asked my doctor “What causes that?” and she replied, “Too many birthdays.”  That is another thing I do not understand, “the sense of humor that permeates the medical community.”  These strange sayings that they use to assure us they know what is going on with our worn out old tired bodies.

Stuff like:  “Our tests indicate that you have some blood in your grease” and we will have to put you on this cholesterol medicine.

There is good news, I have started walking out to the mailbox to retrieve the mail each day.  Just yesterday I learned that I could have possibly won a contest that I did not even enter, perhaps I have a shot at it, I read where I could have won the Clearing House Sweepstakes!  I also got a letter from a local health spa that gave me three free visits and they suggested that I bring some loose fitting clothing.  Which is ludicrous.  If I had any loose fitting clothing I would not need to be heading out to a health spa.  Give me a break.

Everything in this country any more is either:  “Illegal, Immoral or Fattening.”

Maybe it is me, but I just don’t get it.  But then again, I don’t understand American Idol, The X Factor, Dancing With The Stars and most likely, by most standards will never learn how to do the Pa so-Dobley, so I guess it all evens out in the end.  Perhaps I can talk them (my own personal army of medical professionals, he or she as the case might be) into allowing me to mix my own prescriptions? 

That would be nice, I could relive the sixties again, that was cool, “those years were really good to me” what it is that I can remember of them, that is.

Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Love truly, laugh uncontrollably.
And never regret anything that made you smile
 
 
OOO
 

One Year

We Are One Year Old Today

It hardly seems possible, but we have been at this for one full year today.  It seems to me, that a virtual ocean of time, has passed during this period.  We have just about boxed the compass on every subject in the world, some fun, some not so fun, others just flat out ridiculous in nature with no apparent rhyme or reason.

During this period we have had 1,084,254 visitors to this site, or about 90,000+ each month which is simply incredible to me.  The busiest day was on November 14th, 2008 when we had 124,711 visitors in one day. To view mainly Barack’s House, which has turned out to be our number one post for the year, with a total of 256,749 views.

We have some 5,000 links on the site and our average daily visitor count was about 3500 visits per day.  During this twelve month period we put out 788 posts and had some 993 comments and the spam count was around 2400.

The email account is down this morning, the computer says that I have 11 messages, but when I access the damn thing, there isn’t anything there.  I got some kind of copyright infringement message from the Cable company yesterday and they seem to think I have been transmitting bootlegged software, which is not true, and if the truth be known, I don’t even know how to transmit software.

Perhaps I have been jacked up by some kind of Russian Cyberspace Criminal empire by means of a Trojan horse program and I have been turned into some kind of Botnet transmitter of semi-legal things.  Might have to hurry this post up and then sneak over to the bank site to see if I still have any money left.

It as usual, overwhelms me, I hate technology and it hates me.  I just know that the coffee is good and the AdAware sez I is squeaky clean, so I am going to keep on trucking.

One thing I have been concentrating on here lately is trying “not to major in minor things” and allowing all of this external garbage to drag me down.  I no longer read the Wall Street articles, but switch to the “Trout Fishermen are really smart” or something like that.  I don’t want to know about all of the unemployment, hurt and pain, that seems to be pervading America at this juncture in time.

Having recently discovered that biology and behavior both help explain why depression makes adults more vulnerable to heart disease, I am doing my level best to find my happy place in life.  I am a strong believe in “what you think is what you are philosophy.”

Do you realize that right now, somewhere in the world, some guy is getting ready to do himself in (suicide, kill himself) do you ever stop to think about stuff like that?  I do.  It isn’t all that interesting, but it does help the day pass on certain days when life seems to drag one down.

Depression can break the heart, and over a long period of time, researchers are saying about twelve years, can actually lead to heart disease.  Which, if you are in your right mind, you do not want.  It is easy to allow depression to drag one down, almost effortlessly on some days, so you have to keep your guard up.

I remember when I first met my wife, one day she was somewhat depressed and I told her that she would have to cheer up on her own.  That I could fix about just anything in the world, everything but a broken heart, I can not fix a broken heart, I can mend it some, but it is in the end, always going to be broken.

No one can mend a broken heart.  And of course, “I may not know what love truly is, but I sure know what it aint.”

Depression contributes to the risk of heart disease as much as diabetes (which I have), high cholesterol (which I have), or obesity (none of your business!).  So from a biological standpoint, I am winning the lottery on this to begin with, hitting about two out of three.  Then there is the constant stream of email encouragement telling me to “mellow out, or you will have a heart attack” kind of thing, which I really appreciate, all of which arrives here on a daily basis.

Got two of ’em yesterday.

Really been behind in my hauling this week, and things as usual are askew and not working to my advantage, the email is messed up, the computer is not working in the manner that I desire, and the wife, well she is kind of uh, uh, “out of sorts” yeah that is it, out of sorts.

I am so far behind that I was four newspapers down yesterday, so I turned the phone off, sat down in my media room (the small room off the back of the house that contains a small portable television) and read all four of them and sort of got caught up.  Seems we bailed out some more people again, and again and again.  I also came across this survey:

What is your favorite body part?

It said that with men and women it was the face

Men 24% and women 23%

(I wasn’t even close on that one at all)

Now it is time for me to close off another post and get down to business.  I have an early appointment with my shrink this morning, a very nice lady who listens to “every word I say” (that is a switch eh?) and has a lot of sympathy and compassion for me and my poor injured soul.

She has this big neat leather couch, and I hate it.  When you sit down on it, the thing emits this loud sounding noise that sounds just like a fart!  And every time I rub my leg against it in an attempt to make the same noise to prove to her that it wasn’t really a fart, it sounds nothing like the original sound at all.

Perhaps designed to function in this manner to bring out my inner phobia’s and concerns, I dunno.

This morning I am going to level with her and be honest about my fear of being chased around the dining room table in a pair of socks on a freshly waxed floor by a ravenous pack of timber wolves.  I’ll bet that is a first for her.

The rest of you need to cheer up if you know what is good for you, you never know what is going to hit you twelve years from now.

OOO

Nobody’s Watching

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Shoppin for the holidays

It is late in the day, you are loaded down with bags of recent purchases, in tow are three little dinkers, it is cold and the wind has a bite to it.  They are cold and they are cranky.  And to make matters worse, you cannot for the life of you figure out where it was exactly that you have parked the family car.

You walk a ways, stop, lean down and admonish everyone to just “shush, so Mommie can find the car” and then slowly the right arm goes up, at the end of the arm in her hand, the keys to the automobile and the remote control.  She pushes it several times and changes the angle and direction, again she clicks it and nothing.

Then she says, “Okay we will have to walk some more.”  Life in America.  Christmas time at the mall.

Actually I did that once.  Well, I had a similar experience you might say.  It was at the State Fair, we walked out into this vast lot and down the row, at the end of the row I stopped in front of what was a vacant spot.  The wife looked at me and said, “Where is the car?  Where did you park the car?” and I pointed to the vacant spot and said, “right there.”

She then in a very understanding manner blurted out ……. “Don’t screw around I am cold.”  But that is where I parked it, and then later on, someone came by and stole it.  I sure hope Mommie finds the car this day, I know exactly how she feels.

You Want Fries With That?

Americans now weigh on average, six pounds more than they did some seven years ago.  Nearly 60% of American’s say they would like to lose weight, while 34% want to maintain their weight, 6% were busy eating and would not talk with their mouth full.  Here are some other numbers for you.  59% of all Americans say they favor a labor union compared with 31% who hold an unfavorable opinion of unions.

Good News For Our Border Buddies.

The dollar in recent weeks has made a small comeback, and has actually risen against the Mexican Peso spurring a new flood of Mexican immigration.  The favorable exchange rate enables Mexicans in the U.S., to send even more money home.

Just one very apparent snag, all of the jobs for immigrants in the U.S. have dried up with this dog economy that Bush has left us with.  A year ago $1,000 bought about 10,000 peso’s.  Today the same sum buys 13,400 peso’s.  But it is the same old sad story … those who need it most, don’t have it.

Sticky Fingers

Winona Ryder maybe in a little hot water, it seems some $125,000 worth of jewelry she had on loan, has disappeared.  She claims that she left it with the desk clerk in the hotel after the party and that they had them for “safe keeping.”  The actress, who was convicted of shoplifting in 2001 swears that she doesn’t know what happened to them, and the hotel has no video tape evidence of her ever turning the items over to the desk clerk.  Hmmm?

T’is the season to be generous

Fort Myers Florida.   For the third year in a row, a gold coin worth about $1,000 has shown up in a Salvation Army kettle in Lee County. The Liberty Eagle coin was left with a message on its case: “In Memory of Mimi.” Salvation Army Maj. Art Penhale said the money will help 3,200 families.

I didn’t see nuthin’

Washington DC.  An independent review of the city tax office said manager Harriette Walters was able to embezzle more than $48 million largely because of a “culture of apathy and silence” in the office. The conclusion is part of a report by law firm WilmerHale, hired by the City Council.

Now let us pause to stop and reflect, shall we?

  • Security in our society is everywhere.
  • There are camera’s at the mall, cameras in the convenience stores, at the stop lights.
  • There are cameras at the bank, guards at the bank, and cameras at the ATM Machines
  • We are for the most part … Constantly watched …
  • Yet this gal walks off with $48 million and some banker toad in New York fleeces investors out of over $50 Billion.

Things have surely gotten better in this country.  When they dug the Erie Canal, they paid $1 and a quart of whiskey per day … Now people are walking off with an ocean of money and no one sees them do it.

Do The Math

My friend Bill in Florida, he will love this one.  Now here is something interesting.  31% of Americans say that the recession has forced them to cut back on necessities such as food and medicine.  While 38% say they have cut their heating and electric bills.  And additional 67% say they plan to spend less on Christmas and Hanukkah gifts this year, this according to a CNN/Opinion Research.

Did you catch it?

That is 136% and this shows you why you can never believe statistic’s for their face value and of course, watch CNN for anything other than simple entertainment or time wasting.

Pull Up Yo’ Droppy Drawers … It’s about time.

Beaufort South Carolina.   The Jasper County Council passed an ordinance prohibiting sagging pants in public – defined as more than 3 inches below the hips and exposing skin or underwear. The vote was 2-1, with two council members absent. The ordinance carries fines between $25 and $500. It also bars parents from allowing minors’ pants to sag. Dissenting Councilwoman Gladys Jones said sagging pants indicate a negative self-image, but the government should not dictate to parents.

So much for another Thursday gang, tomorrow we will talk about Mr. Bush and his farewell tour, “glad you are here, this is my version of 9-11 and how I did not start a pointless war, dismantle your Constitution or superciliously delete your rights, and would you please put your shoes back on, it is really stinking up the hall.

Now even Condolesa is confessing “that in reality, nothing really bad ever happened, and it has been one big happy mistake.”  Seems that if you lie down with a dog, you do get up smelling like one.  Bush is leaving office with what might be a possible all time unfavorable record for a departing president.

Something like 18% of all American’s now say that they will definitely not miss him.

One thing for sure, the response “you are” is no longer acceptable as a response for the question “What’s Happening?”  Now you can pack up and head for Texas, where you can sit in your new million dollar home furiously pressing the “refresh button” on your computer, trying to find someone to give you a speaking engagement to “replenish the old coffers” as you put it.

Good luck.

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)


Absorbing Questions

Sitting here this morning as is my usual practice, sipping on my cup of coffee and contemplating the issues of the day, impotent stuff, stuff I is supposed to know.

Often it is a heavy issue of “soft power” what Mr. Obama plans to use when he affects America’s foreign policy and whether or not Bill Clinton will be an asset or a detriment (You do know, if you get Hillary, you gonna get Bill too.  You do know that dont’cha?)  Often I will think about other important issues too.

Like why do we have eyebrows?

The peradventure word, do we need this word?  The evidence establishes beyond peradventure that the Grinch masterminded a highly organized and intricate plot to steal Christmas. Where does that one missing sock go when you empty the laundry basket, it is NOT in the bottom of the washer.

Important issues early in the morning.

A New York jury has awarded $4.5 million to a city detective who fell off his chair and shot himself in the knee.  He consequently retired on a disability pension because of the accident, he was only 49 years old.  The jury ruled that he deserved extra compensation for his pain and the end of his career and the end of his stint as an “amateur weekend warrior athlete” (don’t ask me, I don’t have a clue either?)  They gave him the money because they said he was “just a poor unfortunate guy who happened to lean back in a defective chair.”  Man, are you kidding me?

No Visible Means Of Support

Atheists are suing Kentucky’s Office of Homeland Security for thanking “almighty God” for protecting the sate from terrorists.  Ten secular Kentuckians charge that a law requires the office to show its gratitude to God is “breathtakingly unconstitutional.”  They say that they have too suffered anxiety form realizing that “their very safety as residents of Kentucky may be in the hands of fanatics, traitors or fools.”  Welcome to the “real world” folks, the rest of us been dealing with these bozo’s a long time before you decided to sue them.

Be All You Can Be …  Maybe You Will Live

More cannon fodder for the Emperor of Democracy.  Nothing brings out the best for Army recruiters than a recession, for the first time in recent history, the Army was able to realize recruitment goals and some 80,000 boys & girls signed up to serve.

More employment news.  Nearly 300,000 people have signed up or applied for the approximately 7,000 available jobs in the new Obama administration. That means that one out of every 42,000 applicants will be accepted, hey, that is almost as good as the Lottery.

No Room At The Inn

Hotels in Washington DC are rapidly filling up for the Barack Obama Jan inauguration, area college students have been renting out their dorm rooms for anywhere from $500 a night all the way up to $1500.

Been There … Done That …. Got The T-Shirt

Obama memorabilia continues to set all time records, if it has Obama on it, it will sell. Presidential plates, coins, t-shirts, you name it and it is going fast.  Consumers have already spent an estimated $200 million on Barack Obama merchandise, with another splurge expected around the inauguration.   The items being marketed with Obama’s likeness include mugs, stationary, posters, aprons, coasters, dog jerseys, and mouse pads.  Dog Jerseys?  Ah c’mon.

The Check Isn’t In The Mail

The Donald (Mr. Trump) has missed his interest note payment on a $53 million in bonds this week, throwing the company’s survival into question.  So it appears that all of this is kind of trickling down, even the super rich are now feeling the crunch.  The Donald has done this before, this is not his first rodeo when it comes to bankruptcy.

Happens to all of us sooner or later I guess, all of us power-broker A-Types we have our problems.  Did I ever tell you about the time me and the cable company we went head to head on this  … Oh I did, sorry.

When a preachers car broke down, he walked into a neighborhood bar to use the pay phone in order to call a tow truck.  At the bar, was his friend, Frank, drunk and shabbily dressed.  “What happened to you, Frank?” asked the good reverend.  “You used to be rich.”

Frank then unloaded his sad tale of woe, and told of bad investments in the real estate market, his shares evaporating on the New York Stock Market, his Wall Street losses.  The preacher listened intently to his story and at conclusion said to Frank, “I want you to go home, sober up, open up your Bible and you will find God’s answer there.”

So Frank agreed, and left the bar.  Some time later, the preacher bumped into Frank, who was wearing Gucci Shoes, sporting a new Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a brand new Mercedes.  “Frank” said the preacher, “I am so glad to see things really turned around for you.”

“Yes preacher, I owe it all to you” said Frank.  “I did as you said, I went home, I sobered up, made some coffee, sat down with my bible.  And just as you said, the answer was there.”

The preacher being curious inquired, “Oh, and how was that.”  His friend replied, “I just sat down, grabbed my bible, and opened it up and there was the answer … Chapter 11.”

So there you go, answers to absorbing questions of the day.

One last thing.  Underneath the eyebrow is a bump, and if it’s hit with something, the eyebrow cushions the blow.  It is believe that early humans actually had thicker eyebrows, which provided more padding.

“This is always handy when you come up with your hand at a rapid rate of speed, and smack yourself on the forehead, and then exclaim …. We can just bail out everybody!  Why didn’t I think of that?”

That … Boys & Girls … is why we have eyebrows and of course, the stock market.

000

Men Should Never Be Depressed ..

    • When you are a man …Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    • You don’t need instructions, just patience
    • When you get married your last name stays put.
    • The garage is all yours
    • Chocolate is just another snack.
    • You can be President.
    • You can scratch that what itches and not be all that worried about it.
    • You can belch the entire alphabet.
    • You can never be pregnant.
    • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    • You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    • The world is your urinal.
    • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    • You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
    • Wrinkles and children add character.
    • Wedding dress $5,000.00
    • Tux rental-$100.00
    • People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
    • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    • One mood all the time.
    • You don’t have to worry about being a “smart shopper.”
    • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    • You know stuff about tanks, how to lite a gas stove, air compressors.
    • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    • You can open all your own jars.
    • You can scratch parts of your anatomy you haven’t seen in five years.
    • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
    • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    • You almost never have strap problems in public.
    • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    • Everything on your face stays its original color.
    • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    • You only have to shave your face and neck.
    • You can play with toys all your life.
    • One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
    • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    • You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
    • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
    • You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
    • Men should be Happier People .. And of course …I wonder why we expect so much from such simple creatures?

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