Shop till ya drop

helpMr. Obama has announced that the economy is going to be one of his first priorities in the coming new year.  And I sincerely believe that is great.  We need to have a strong and robust economy and jobs to come home to when the boys come home from oversea’s.

It is also imperative that we insure that political promises are kept and find a way to extract ourselves out of this illegal and wasteful conflict in the Middle East.

We need to bring the boys home.

Why is it that I am always without fail in the line at the bank where the patron before me has more than one transaction?  Yesterday I am at the gas station and there it was.  $1.55, $1.65, $1.75 and that was just the price of the candy bars, Twinkies and the Ding Dongs!  This country has gone totally nuts!  Later on I am over at China-Mart and the lady in front of me writes a check.  Can you believe that?  A check!

That is like people who drive a AMC Pacer or Ford Pinto for cryin’ out loud.

If you are writing a check in this day and age of credit cards, bankcards, debit cards, you are like a brown pair of shoes in a Black Shoe/Tuxedo World.  And if you want to read a well written piece on this subject, follow this link. >>>

So back to this gal, she looks at the clerk and says, “I know it is in here somewhere (she is fishing around in this incredibly huge thing that kind of looked like a Boy Scout backpack for her drivers lic), I had it before I left the house.  I KNOW I had it at the house … Oh my, my, mercy me!  Every time I come over here I do this” and then she looks at me for I guess conformation of her dilemma.

I sigh, and reply, “Yeah, and I am the poor sap that is always standing behind you.”

Men have no patience … Can I get an Amen on that … Are you out there?

I’m working on it girls, I really am.  Well, now that I have once again, shot myself in the foot with my own gun, I will move on.  Why is it when you are watching television and there is nothing on, when you reach the end of your eighty channel limit, you go back through the entire thing again?  Are you hoping that something interesting came on in the last fifteen seconds, is that it?

(If you are reading this alone at home and you read it out loud to yourself and do your best to whine like Andy Rooney, it sounds really cool …. C’mon try it!)

How do you get an overnight letter when the Post Office closes at 5 PM, I don’t get that one either.  The one that really gets me when you get a call from some highly inebriated person at 3am in the morning and they say, “Did I wake you up?” to which I reply, “Naw, I had to get up for my paper route anyway.”

So despite my better judgment I am watching this piece of trash the network executives call programming and the Governator Of Caliyfornyuh is making fun of Mr. Obama’s legs, saying they are “skinny man legs” and generally speaking “ridiculing the president elect of the United States.”  No civility left in this country anymore and no one has the guts to tell these people “be quiet.”  Now we all know why Californyuh is like a Granola Bar.

What aint fruits is nuts.

So I am down on the river and I have my MP3 player, riding along, trying to adjust “my numbers” as the doctor calls them.  And Neil diamond comes on, which is what every old guy in America wants to ride his bike to, and he is singing …. “I am I said” … and then he gets to my favorite part, he warbles out …. “I am I said, and no one answered me, not even the chair.” What the hell?  What in the world does that mean?  Talking furniture … Uh Mr. diamond, your easy boy recliner is on line #2.

Tomorrow I am choosing a different play list for sure.

Another Oklahoma Indian tribe is going into the cigarette business.  The tribe is building a two million dollar cigarette plant up in Eastern Oklahoma, supposed to be making something like 20 cartons a minute when it is up to full speed.  If this isn’t poetic justice, I don’t know what is.  The Red Man gets even in the end and the government that subdued them doesn’t do too awful bad either.  The fed’s will get two dollars off of each carton made.

Billions a year in revenue from Indian Casino’s and now this … I surrender.

A 17 year old Amish boy in Akron Ohio was charged with D.U.I. after he passed out at the reins of a buggy and crashed into …. Get this … after he crashed into a police cruiser.  The boy further enraged the police when at the station; he insisted that he didn’t know what it meant to get “one phone call.”

What goes “clop-clop-clop-bang-bang?

An Amish drive by shooting.

And you thought crime was bad.  New statistic’s released by the government indicate that 76 million Americans are sickened by food poisoning each year, with some 325,000 hospitalized and 5,000 killed.  Officials blame poor food preparation in restaurants, and have launched a public awareness campaign featuring the slogan “Did Someone Say Food Poisoning?

You just got to love the government, you know it, you just have to.

No word from McDonalds who is planning on capitalizing on this by offering a “Happy To Be Alive Combo” look for it at franchises in your area.

Such is the pageantry of life this day.

Some of us seek the anesthesia of escape that is certainly true of me, I hang onto the dream of a life on the American Highway.  Some of us seek the validation of everyone-thinks-alike media tailored to one ideological or political mindset, and hate with a strange newly acquired passion, those who are not of the same tribe as they.

We all separate into our niches, shredding the fabric of our common future.  I am sorry but I miss the America of my youth, even with Viet Nam it wasn’t this bad.  I don’t want to leave my grandchildren a lousy third world debt ridden piece of real estate … I want to leave them a shinning legacy.

And this isn’t it.

In the words of Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”  It rings in my ears, it resonates in my soul.  This is a profound and wonderful country, and it is up to us, to make it all work.

We can do this thing.  I don’t give two hoots in you know where what the Governator of Caliyfornyuh sez.


Gimme – Gimme

Not long ago I was watching the movie “Wall Street” starring Michael Douglas. This is where he plays the unscrupulous Wall Street financier Buddy Grekko (sp) I believe his name was, a Donald Trump Wall-Street-Wanna-be of the first order. In the movie he states that “GREED is good, and that it is not all that necessarily a bad thing.” So it got me to thinking, “If GREED is good, then why are we in such dire straights right now because of it.”

So today’s offering in literary junk food will be on the subject of GREED.

As I am often accused of picking on some of these pikers around here, and that I never seem to be able to get along with anyone, we shall talk about my favorite thing in life … GREED. Being fully aware that I am basically talking with honest people, who know the definition of true GREED (wanting more than you can honestly afford). By the way, you don’t have to be dishonest to be GREEDY, I know people who are in church every Sunday and they are just as GREEDY as the next old boy.

Now if you go through your wife’s pocket book, or take gifts from people that you know you shouldn’t accept, you could be GREEDY. GREED can be the most potent aphrodisiac know to anyone running for public office. GREED. Where GREED really plays a big hand is in politics. The more money someone raises to run for office the bigger his image and his ego gets, once again, a power trip. Fueled by GREED. Politicians are known for their GREED and at times, so are their respective parties that they belong to.

GREED can also be a good substitute for Viagra, one of the better know stimulants in the western world is GREED.

Today I received a notice of “change in terms” for my credit card. If I go over my limit, 30%, if I get a cash advance and overdraw, 30%, if I am late, 30% … GREED. Pure and simple, why do they do this to a up-to-date good customer … GREED.

And of course they can do this with impunity, because they are BANKERS and the GOVERNMENT is powerless to do anything about it.

Walking into an Indian Casino or playing Bingo once per week, watching the ponies run and wagering sums on them at the local track can also lead to GREED. This morning the price of gasoline was $2.31 per gallon, seven hours later, for no apparent reason, it is $2.45 per gallon … GREED.

A Hong Kong Jeweler named Lam Sai-Wing built a bathroom in which almost everything is made of 24 karat gold: the toilet, the floor tiles, the mirror frames — even a a chandelier. The only thing that’s not all-gold is the ceiling, which is studded with 6,200 diamonds, pearls, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Cost to build this monster … $3.5 million for this high tech outrageous poop-shooter.

GREED also comes into play in sports, the late Vince Lombardi said that “winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.” Americans will do anything to win a golf tournament, a tennis match or a Little League Baseball game. Now days they even have competitions to see who can land the biggest fish. Who is it that pays upwards of $200 for a pair of Tennis Shoes, while the rest of the world goes barefooted? GREED. I have more than 1,000 DVD’s movies in my collection … GREED.

Enron was a prime example of GREED. It’s apparent reluctance to pay taxes to the IRS for a period of several years, this is another example of GREED. So what if the city loses money … GREED. Tax Time is especially a fruitful time for GREED lovers and seems to bring out the worst in us. We sit back and try to figure out new angles in order to pay the least amount of taxes owed … GREED.

GREED always rears its ugly head when you try to figure out how to cheat on your taxes without getting caught.

Even when it comes down to romance, we are GREEDY. You say things to another person that sound like the real thing, but you really don’t mean it. Fortunately you cannot go to jail for this one, unless of course, you try to make your loved one tax deductible.

Some folks are GREEDY about clothes, homes, automobiles. Once GREED strikes it is hard to shake off. I have a touch of it myself, probably a tad, but no more or less than your average American.

Now in closing I want you to take into consideration one thought and then we will be done. Here is your scary thought for the day.

Back in 1990, the Government (IRS) seized the Mustang Ranch Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of greedy-dumb-asses who couldn’t make money running a whore house and selling booze? And we are lending them the lifeblood of our U.S. Treasury without as much as collateral?

What is wrong with this picture?

I envy people who have more than I do, but when people ask how GREEDY I am, I always tell them to speak to my lawyer. *


*As promised yesterday

  • The five entertainers who had airports name after them: Bob Hope, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, John Lennon and Will Rogers.
  • Six stars who took Karate lessons from Chuck Norris: Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley, Steve McQueen, Michael Landon, Marie Osmond and Donny Osmond.
  • Why George Dubya Bush doesn’t wear a name tag at his Class Reunions. Who cares?

“The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)