Mysteries of life

A great many things in this life just do not make sense.  I was thinking about that this very morning and I thought I might share some of it with you.

Take those birds, Swallows, every year, they just keep coming on back to Capistrano or some other place out in California.  That is a mystery to me.

Or those horse’s that are born white and then they turn coal black when they reach maturity.

Recently Radio Girl turned me on to an interesting blog site that is entitled  “Margaret & Helen” and they are a mystery to me.

Are they really eighty years old as they claim and writing this blog with the help of their grandchildren or are they conning everyone into believing they are so.

Immensely popular they are a good read and a mystery to me, I shall follow them in the future with some skepticism.  But that is nothing new, I am suspicious of everyone and everything, just ask my birth mother she will tell you.  I enjoy their page.  It makes me ever mindful of the conversations and musings in the late afternoon that I shared with my grandparents who are now long gone. Get some time today, trot over there and give their read a glance over, some good stuff there.

Back to the mysteries of life.  The roots go down and the plant goes up, life, that is a mystery.  This guy, Joe The Plumber, as I understand it, he doesn’t have a license, so why do they say he is a plumber?  That is a mystery.  How can the cable company remember to send me a bill each month, but cannot remember the password on my site?  Here is another that just irks the ____ out of me, why does this sucker change fonts in the middle of an article, does it all the time!  WordPress.com surely a mystery if there ever was one.

“Pick a number between one and five.”  Got it?  Is it three?  Nine times out of ten, when you ask someone to do this, they will pick the number three.  Why?  Because they perceive the number three as the middle, another mystery of life.

A word of precaution here, this number thing only works with adults.  If you do it with your five year old grandson, give him the choice, ask him to pick the number, and then ask what the number is, he will most likely reply, ‘It’s MY number Grandpa, go get your own.” You have been warned.

More red cars are sold in America than any other color.  A red used car will sell for MORE money than other cars.  Red Is For Lovers

Women in red has always been a mystery to me.  A new psychological study has just been released about romantic attraction and it suggest that red attire makes men unwittingly more attracted to women. To study the effect of color on behavior, psychologists as the University of Rochester in New York conducted five experiments and analyzed mens responses to photographs of women in various situations.

They would in turn frame the photo’s in red or have the women wearing red in the photo’s as they were displayed. In every case, men rated the women in red frames or wearing red as considerably more attractive and sexually desirable than the same women with other colors.

So if you want to attract your man …… Put on that red dress baby, ‘cause we goin’ out tonight, put on that red dress baby, case some fool might wanna fight

Sampson and Delilah were a mystery.  So was Cleopatra and Marc Anthony.  Two strong and robust men, brought down in their prime by a woman.  Which brings me to Sarah and McSame, a broadly satirical political comedy of sorts with an improbable plot, this truly is a mystery to me.

I can remember the first time I was given word of it and my measured response was … Are you kidding me, what were you thinking?

Wonder if Sarah was wearing red when Old man Mr. McSame took her down by the creek, under the stately Cotton Wood tree in Sedona Arizona, to ask for her hand in their unholy alliance in the mysterious world of politics.

I guess I will always wonder about that one for sure.

000


Enhanced Average Joe

Thought it was going to be a slow day, but it finally appeared. The first totally ridiculous statement of the morning.

I heard one today I had never heard before, “enhance the male experience” now that has to be a first. I have heard it called a lot of things during the course of my years, but I have to admit.

I have never heard it called that.

“Honey, come on in here, so we can enhance the male experience! Aw C’mon sugar, you have to be here for some of it. Please?”

Best I move on.

Can we build one for you?

The automakers are really starting to cry the blues. Many of them won’t survive what is left of this year. Almost 600 of the 2,000 dealers nationwide are out of business now, and they are losing about two dealers per day to lagging sales. General Motors credit arm GMAC now requires a credit score of 700 or better to finance a new car.  This is what happens to you when you consistently build vannila wafer, cookie cutter, fuel gulping cars … you slowly die.

Packin’ Heat In Oklahoma.

Gun advocates in Oklahoma want laws to allow carrying guns in plain sight. In Oklahoma residents can get permits to carry concealed weapons but cannot display guns openly. A signature drive is trying to change that. I suppose this means we will not be allowed to bring them to church?

A man ran for the office of sheriff in a small Oklahoma town. The day after the election he was spotted walking down the street, with a firearm strapped to his right hip. His neighbor said to him, “Carl, how come you are a packing that pistol, you lost that election for sheriff yesterday.” And he just smiled and replied, “A man with as many friends as I have in this town, ought to be wearing a gun.”

Listen up! Do we have a deal for you!

Campaign seeks next “Joe The Plumber.” Are you the Joe the plumber type? A regular American who doesn’t want Barack Obama to be president? If so, Republican nominee John McCain’s campaign wants to hear your story, in the form of a 30 second video that might be used as one of their television ads.

Now I can hear you giggling and snickering in the background and you are not buying a word of it. But it is true (Have you ever known me to lie to you? Don’t answer that question.) McCains team announced an “I’m Joe The Plumber” contest. Go to johnmccain.com for details.

You could be the next average Joe to be chewed up and spit out by the Political Machine! Is this truly the land of opportunity or what?

We are all about labeling in this country, they are looking for “Average American’s” by their own admission but refer to them as Plumber Joe’s. Why is it we do this crap. Why is it that no one ever questions the use of thoroughly unnecessary terms such as “African American, Asian American, Hispanic American, to name a few.”

We are all Americans and we are not all plumbers.

Take me for instance, how come no one is looking for “Average-Angry-White-Taxpaying-Guy” because that is what I am … don’t know a thing about plumbing and that is a fact. A nation of people who cannot agree to speak the same language, make up modifiers to describe their brothers and sisters.

It’s easy take a shot at it: Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.  See, nothin to it.

How Do They Keep Their Shirts On With That Big Heart

Akron Ohio … “Who says big biz and the government don’t have a heart? Mortgage giant Fannie Mac this week said it would forgive the debt of a 90-year old woman who shot herself in the chest to avoid being evicted. She shot herself after deputies came to evict her from the home in which she had lived for some 40 years.

Book ’em Dano … Murder One.

Los Angeles California City police officers are more likely to stop and search black and Hispanic residents than they are whites, even though whites are more often found carrying guns and contraband, according to a report released by the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California.

Only in California.

This is the same state that in 1989 had two school districts ban the book Little Red Riding Hood by the Brothers Grim. Was it because the Big Bad Wolf’s consumption of people seemed too violent? Nope. School officials thought the story might encourage children to drink because it depicts a bottle of wine in the basket Red takes to her grandmother.

You buy your tickets … Take Your Chances

Richmond Virginia. A technical problem with a new Virginia Lottery game may have led hundreds of players to believe they won bigger prizes than they did. Lottery officials caught the mistake in its Fast Play Super 7’s game after more than 2,300 tickets were sold. Officials blamed a software problem for the misprinted tickets and asked the Attorney General’s Office whether they must pay the expected prizes.

And finally, Green River Wyoming.

Sweetwater County is considering an ordinance that would spell out where sex shops could operate. The proposal also would prohibit sexually oriented businesses from advertising on signs placed on vehicles. Outrage over a sex shop sign posted on an abandoned school bus prompted the proposed changes. A sex shop is where you go to buy products that artificially enhance the male experience or fulfill your rubber fetish, whichever comes first.

Now if Y’all will excuse me, I need to go clean my gun (the one that does not require any kind of enhancement that is).

000

Parting shot: “It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for public office.”


Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


McCain At Sunset

Now, with less than three weeks to the end, he comes to the country staggering toward defeat, his pride and honor certainly diminished by the incoherence of his campaign and the absurdity of the choice he agreed to when it came to picking someone who would share a national ticket charged with talking, coaxing, massaging the country through a tough and turbulent time.

It is a sad story: a proud and independent man permits a handful of advisers to take his hard-earned reputation and alter it to such an extent that the original is now hard to recognize, nearly invisible behind a curtain of cynical ads and the preposterous pronouncements of a woman whose candidacy is an insult to intelligence.

Unfortunately for McCain, he did little to stop the thieves who took his honor and reputation and tossed it out like so many discarded items for a yard sale, figuring that Americans could once again — one more time — be fooled into voting their fears.

Soon, the ‘Straight Talk Express’ will bank west and head for the Arizona desert and election eve. And John McCain will sit up front, staring out the window, exhausted, as the plane crosses the land he loves and the people — millions of them — he failed to connect with because while he was once indeed a prisoner of war, he has spent the last ten weeks letting himself become a prisoner of the past.” […]

Read the rest of this great article by Mike Barnicle at Huffington Post.com

Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.

000

The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

Chummin The Waters

Down Girl … Down!

With his electoral prospects fading by the day, Senator John McCain has fallen out with his vice-presidential running mate about the direction of his White House campaign. McCain has become alarmed about the fury unleashed by Sarah Palin, the moose-hunting “pitbull in lipstick”, against Senator Barack Obama. Cries of “terrorist” and “kill him” have accompanied the tirades by the governor of Alaska against the Democratic nominee at Republican rallies.

Mark Salter, McCain’s long-serving chief of staff, is understood to have told campaign insiders that he would prefer his boss, a former Vietnam prisoner of war, to suffer an “honorable defeat” rather than conduct a campaign that would be out of character – and likely to lose him the election.

“Some will say, jeez Sarah, it’s getting negative. No it’s not negativity. It’s truthfulness.” The crowd bellowed its appreciation with chants of “Nobama” and “Go Sarah Go!” Meanwhile back at the cabin, ninety miles from Russia …. Look kids … Mommies’ on TV!

All Juiced out

OJ Simpson is still locked down in Sin City, Las Vegas, after recently losing his court battle, some say he should have played the “race card” and he said that he would have, but the Obammer crowd was already using it.  The New Jersey Hall Of Fame is open now, some of the exhibits are Jack Nicholson, Bon Jovi, and some dude named Vinny.

Thanks … But No Thanks

Laxatives at dinner, drinking vinegar and electric shock treatment… Welcome to extreme spa detox. Anna Pasternak spends a week extreme detoxing. Here she reveals the results As a spoiled spa junkie, I’ve pretty much covered the whole global gamut: ayurvedic abhyanga (oily massage) in the Alps, Chi Nei Tsang (deep and delicate abdominal delving) in Thailand and shamanic stuff in the States.

Man, you have to be kidding me. I think I would rather be fat and lonely than do this. This is worse than my last job at Weight Watchers. Yeah, no joke. I got $8.40 an hour just to stand in the corner, and the instructor would point at me and yell …. If you keep eating Twinkies girls … THIS is what you will look like! Read the entire story here.

Keeping Track

Last week’s papers were full of Hazel Wheeler, and her amazing life story. In 1941, aged 14, Wheeler found a blank diary in her parents’ attic. She then went on to post an entry every day, without exception, for the next 67 years. Now that is what you call discipline, eh?

The main joy for the press has been that, in the past 67 years, there has been no global event – however cataclysmic – that didn’t take second place to Wheeler’s reports on her knitting, baking, or domestic arrangements.

Actual entry: “President Kennedy was assassinated as he drove through Dallas today. Shot through the head. Baked macaroons and scones. Did knitting”

Now who says “Politics’ are important in America?”

000

Related:  Baracks House

Big Bad John (video)

I understand that they have called off Halloween and Thanksgiving in the Nation’s capitol this year. Something about the witch going to New York and taking the turkey with her? But I am not sure. It is going to be awfully difficult to see anything to be Thankful for this year.

Last night at the end of the news, the anchorman actually “apologized for all the bad news here lately, and suggested that we all watch the Thursday edition of Saturday Night Live” as if that was going to be the panacea we all need.

McSame and Palin have been caught in another “gaff” isn’t that what they are calling a lie these days? A political gaff, strange term. But then again, America is full of strange terms here lately. Downsizing, you find yourself unemployed. Market shift, your 401K plan is now worthless. Lifestyle choice, abortion. Ethnic Cleansing, Murder. An affair, adultery. Bail out, Government charity for the rich.

We seem to take everything and “sanitize it to suite our needs” and it doesn’t matter if it is the truth or a lie, as long as we get it out there.

Over and over these people have been caught in “half-truths” as the media calls them, and no one seems willing to take them to task. Back in the old days, Grandma would have you chowing down on a bar of soap, but that isn’t happening anymore in America.

McSame touted ‘Energy Expert’ Palin’s credentials by falsely claiming she delivered a gas pipeline.  Last night on Fox News, host Sean Hannity interviewed McSame and Yummy Mummy and asked McSame what her role would be in his administration. McSame said Yummy Mummy would bring him warm milk at bedtime and …. No that it not right.

Remember, laughter is God’s sunshine!

He said that she would be useful on energy issues — presumably because, as he has said before, “she knows more about energy than probably anyone else” in the U.S. And if frogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their butts when they hopped.

As evidence, McCain claimed on FOX News, that Palin “was responsible for…a pipeline, the $40 billion pipeline bringing natural gas from Alaska down to the lower 48.” Watch it: In fact, there is no $40 billion dollar pipeline from Alaska bringing natural gas to the lower 48 states. As the New York Times explained last month, “the pipeline exists only on paper” — And of course in the collective minds of politicians that are so far out in right field, they don’t even know the game is over and it is time to come on in.

The first section has yet to be laid, federal approvals are years away and the pipeline will not be completed for at least a decade. In fact, although it is the centerpiece of Ms. Palin’s relatively brief record as governor, the pipeline might never be built, and under a worst-case scenario, the state could lose up to $500 million it committed to defray regulatory and other costs.

Two schools of thought seem to prevail among conservative Republicans unhappy with the prospect of voting for John McSame. First, there are those who believe that McSame, though far from their first choice, is looking better and better as the campaign progresses, primarily because the alternative is totally unacceptable. Which is something akin to saying, “I know this great resteraunt, the food there has a little poison in it, and it will kill you, but it really tastes good.  Do you want to do lunch?”

And then there are those think that the Republic can survive a Barack Obama administration, especially if it ushers in another Ronald Reagan era. There is a word in the English language that aptly describes this political theory … it is called “In Your Dreams.”

Personally I feel like they are both suffering from phantasmagoria which is a constantly shifting complex succession of things seen or imagined, witness to a bizarre or fantastic combination. I understand that their handlers have now canceled speeches in New Mexico concerning the importance of magnets in the future, more on that later.


So this morning I am opening my email and there it is: I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – I-Hate-You – Possibly written by some Obammer Lover in Cicero, Illinois who is sitting in his home, listening to his two-pack a day smoking brother in the next room coughin’ up his breakfast while composing this wonderful, somewhat terse reply to something I wrote.

Which brings me to my next subject … “Why do they call them marbles, when they are made out of glass?”

Where is Albert Gore when you really need him? Why isn’t anyone asking the pertinent questions of these important people, I am tiring of the political rhetoric and half-truths. If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw Earth out of it’s orbit? If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why bother practicing? How is it in America, that commercials can claim that something is both NEW and IMPROVED. How do you throw away a garbage can?

Time to go, have to look for a new screen saver, read my required reading (stay a breast of what is going on in the country heh-heh) and answer this knot-head in Cicero, Illinois.

No lie.

Honest.

000

Photo compliments of Time Magazine.

The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)


That didn’t take long

Picked up the paper this morning and there it is, “Lawmakers put A.I.G. execs on the spot.” Six days after the government rescued A.I.G. with a massive $85 billion loan, the insurance company spent $443,000 on a week-long event for agents at a California resort, according to invoices produced during a Congressional Hearing on Tuesday.

All the pigs are rushing to the trough and you are paying for it. How does it feel?

According to records the committee obtained, the event’s expenses included nearly $200K for rooms, about $150K for banquets and $23K for spa treatments. While Average Americans are suffering economically and yet less than a week after the taxpayer rescued A.I.G., company executives could be found wining and dining at one of the most exclusive resorts in the nation.”

Once again, I hate to admit it, but we are ahead of the curve. Last week I wrote that this would happen and it comes to pass. It is enough to make a guy puke.

McSame is going around now pimping off the Home Loan plan as “his plan” but this is not true. Hillary and a lot of other folks signed off on it BEFORE he even came into the room. Here it is in a nutshell:

“If a homeowner bought a house for $300,000 – and the value then fell to $200,000 – McCain would have the government purchase the mortgage for $300,000, instead of forcing lenders to accept the loss and renegotiate the loan. The only way in which the government then makes a profit is if the house’s value rises above its original market value of $300,000,00.”  …  Which is possible, but highly unlikely.

In case you missed it, “the banker profits” on the deal and you of course, get nothing. I swear, the longer this goes on, the more I am starting to feel like an old dude with Alzheimer’s standing in a whore house, they are demanding that I pay for it, but I just don’t remember getting screwed.

The number of American automobile dealers that are tanking out has been revised, it has now gone to 700 (up 100 from last week). The only thing that appears to be a quick fix would be the thawing of credit (strange term don’t you agree?) something to restore consumer confidence and help the industry. With car lots full of cars, and no one to sell them to, they suddenly find themselves in a pickle.

My 12 year old hoopie is hurting, something to do with the master-cylinder on the brakes, think it needs a new one, but I am not sure. So we, like most American’s have done, just parked it and it is now our big red dust catcher on the driveway.

I started having problems last week, the “Check Engine Lite” came on. But I couldn’t check it; there was too much smoke. Then the “Game Over Lite” came on, I had not seen that one before.

Consumers will pay about 15% more … An extra $150 on average … to warm their homes this winter. Those that rely on home-heating-oil will be hit even harder, the Energy Department said this week. Here in Oklahoma I personally believe we will be sitting in the dark, freezing our hinny’s off, in order to save about twelve bucks. I understand back east, people will actually resort to burning their furniture, times are tough. The average household will spend $1,137 on heating from October to March according to the department.

Meanwhile officials in Colorado announced this week that residents there could face a 23% hike in energy costs starting in February. They of course cite higher costs for natural gas, coal, the increased cost of pumping water, building pipelines and infrastructure.

More? Okay.

Wood pellet distributors have been running short of the product because homeowners have switched over to pellet burning stoves to heat their house (guess they ran out of furniture?) and they are reported to be “stockpiling the pellets” for the upcoming winter. Some are said to have a two year stock on hand to meet their needs.

Yeah sure, I believe that … Portland Oregon.

Joy Sartin says she kept her money in her bra because she didn’t have her purse with her, and was only offering to pay a traffic ticket. But a jury determined the shapely 25 year old “Lingerie model” was trying to bribe a police officer. She was arrested after taking $270 from her bra when her car was about to be towed during a traffic stop.

Again in the northwest.

Monroe, Washington the return of D.B. Cooper? A man armed with pepper spray robbed and armored car guard coming out of a bank and then escaped by way of the Skylomish River with a bag of money. Police said one witness saw the man floating off on an inner tube. Investigators believe accomplices could have picked the robber up at a nearby park or boat launch. D.B. Cooper was the first person to hijack an airliner in the U.S.. And was never found.

Now we have a new urban legend … D.B. Toober.

Yeah I know, but it’s Thursday Y’all.

Here is the quote of the day (possibly the week, as it isn’t over yet). McSame last night on NBC said that “we could not pull out of Iraq; we lose everything we have gained. Huh? What have we gained? Other than a mountain of debt and ill-will around the world, some 5,000 dead.

He said the first thing he would do when assuming his office in January would be to enact legislation to stop the problem of falling soccer goal posts which killed three American’s this year … And of course, leave all the soldiers right where they are.

Vee-Pee wanna be Palin when asked the same question replied with: “Tee-Hee, giggle-snort-snort” and then winked at the camera.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going back into the kitchen and stick my head back in the oven.

000

Parting Shot: “Everyone needs to be loved … Especially when they do not deserve it.”

“The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

Another Crap Sandwich

Bad Diet.

We are being fed one crap sandwich after another, and unfortunately, it appears that from here on out, it is crap sandwiches as far as the eye can see. Secretary of the Treasury Paulson says the U.S. Economy is not out of the woods, and in for some more tough sledding. This naturally occurs when you a hire a fox to watch the chicken house as they say in rural America.  Things are so bad, Mexico is considering building their own fence to keep out Wall Street Brokers, financial advisory personnel and stock brokerage workers.

Naked Gnomes of Finance.

With the titan’s of finance standing humbled and broken amongst us, no hero’s on the horizon to turn to. Having invested lavishly in financial instruments neither they, nor virtually anyone else truly understood, the entire house of cards came tumbling down in a matter of weeks. When we looked for all those people “that ran on a platform of LEADERSHIP all we found were a bunch of bickering, fighting children” talking ideologies and hurling blame and hurt feelings, but offering little in the way of solutions. That right there, is enough to throw water on any good ol boy’s parade. To feed ‘em their own words … That is Priceless.

Professionals at work.

See how Congress has modified the Paulson Plan.  Originally 2 pages, now 451+ pages.  This excerpt shows an important addition (perhaps omitted due to an oversight by Secretary Paulson), that illustrates an important aspect of our political regime.  All the hogs rushed to the trough and this is what they added.

Change The Logo

It is fairly easy to be a Politically Correct Liberal in America, especially when you live in a gated community. The Republican Party should change their national emblem from an elephant to a prophylactic, because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security when one is being screwed. Assuming that either the left win or the right wing gains control of the country, it will probably just fly around in circles and of course, passing out worthless checks.

Backyard gardening, now you can grow your own.

Health food stores are experiencing a rush in Italy as researchers isolated an erection inducing plant compound in a widely sold Chinese Herb know as “Horny Goat Weed” (No, I am not making this up) the compound icarin, may be as effective as Viagra, they are saying. We have “medical marijuana” why not grow something useful right next to it, if you find yourself watering for more than four hours, call a physician.

Times are really getting bad now.

Playboy is laying off bunnies, but there is a bright side, think of all the money Hugh Hefner will save on batteries! And the world economy continues to take more casualties.  This morning I read where one of my overseas friends is getting down and it takes one more casualty.

Take care … Things will get better … I hope.

Don’t be a victim Jen, be a cheer leader!

Like my sainted Grandmother used to say ….. Look for the Rainbow Donnie … There is always a good side. As Michael Beaudet of Key West, Florida said after being rescued from his disabled sail boat after being adrift for some six days: “First the rum ran out, the cigarettes ran out, then the food ran out, and then the water was gone. Thank God for the rain!”

Sign of the times

Highway authorities throughout the country are being bedeviled by thieves who keep stealing highway markers bearing the numbers “666” or “66.6.” In New Jersey at least four such signs have been swiped, either by religious zealots who are upset with the numbers’ biblical association with the devil, or by young people who think it is cool to have a 666 sign in their bedrooms. Officials are countering with changing the route to 665.

Pass me the Salsa and some of them chips.

Within a decade, Mexico will catch up to the U.S. to become one of the worlds fattest nations, the Mexican government announced this week. Already, half of Mexicans are overweight and obesity among children is rising steadily. New cases of high blood pressure and diabetes have increased more than 25% over the past five years.

Low class act.

Adran Ghalib, the paparazzo who dated Britney Spears during her long downward spiral is peddling a two-hour sex tape of the singer, in which she performs wearing nothing by a pink wig. He said he is “open to the best offer” but … get this … Is too much of a gentleman to reveal any embarrassing information about his ex. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. Talk about a bottom-feeder this has to be him.

Isolate the problem.

During Gov. Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) speech in Florida this morning, campaign staffers kept the press locked out of the park and away from supporters attending the speech. Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn’t permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, “Can I help you?” and turn the person around.

When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn’t allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday. Palin has still yet to give a single press conference since being tapped as Sen. John McCain’s running mate on August 29.

Where the **** are we?

Speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser on Sunday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) “fumbled” while praising U.S. soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, referring to Afghanistan as a “neighboring country”: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan,” she told several hundred supporters at a fund raising event in San Francisco. Afghanistan borders neither the United States nor Iraq.

Asian geography appears equally difficult for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who has discussed an imaginary Iraq-Pakistan border. Perhaps they took Geography 101 at the Michael Jackson School located in Never-Never-land-California (an ideal or imaginary place).

Here is a real eye opener.

If you want to read something really interesting on McSame here is the link. It is rather long, but well worth the read, it is supposed to be published in Rolling Stone next month. You can find all 11,000 words of it here. Make Believe Maverick It might change your mind and it might not.

Middle of the week for a five-day wage slave in Oklahoma.

We now we see that money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. Lately I find it hard to be happy, upbeat, truly amusing. Early in the morning and I am fresh out of aphorisms to describe the pain I feel. I don’t have a short, pointed sentence to express a wise observation or a general truth, I just have this.

So, as the bantering and bickering continue, one fact remains constant, from a political standpoint, we are not getting much better than what we have had, geographically speaking they really seem to be lost as a goose.  It looks like four more years of the same.

And if that is the case, Lord help us!

000



Tooo Much Disunity

Coming back to bite you in the rear. Bail Out Blues.

What most people do not realize, is all of this, every stinking minute of it, has happened before. Just think back to the late seventies and eighties. Back to Charlie Keating, the banker and anti-pornography crusader would ultimately be convicted on 73 counts of fraud and racketeering for his role in the savings-and-loan scandal of the 1980s.

That crisis, much like today’s sub-prime-mortgage meltdown, resulted from misbegotten banking deregulation, and ultimately left taxpayers to pick up a tab of more than $124 billion. Keating, who raised more than $100,000 for McCain’s race, lavished the first-term congressman with the kind of political favors that would make Jack Abramoff blush.

Same circus … Just a different set of clowns. People who do not learn from their mistakes … are prone to repeat them.

How does this country or democracy ever figure it can conquer evil in the world, when it can’t even clean up its own act? Having failed miserably to effectively communicate with your own peers in society and do nothing to enhance the good life of others, what makes our government believe they can accomplish this lofty goal in other locales around the world.

What we desperately need to teach to our young, what we as a nation, need to observe and apply are a few basic rules. YOU are the answer to the dilemmas in YOUR life. You are the answer to God’s expectations for YOUR life. YOU are the answer to that which is required of you in this plan. Stop being a failure before God and men. Start doing what you know you are supposed to do. Quit waiting on others to get it together, you are the answer.

It appears that we have been at this so long; we have become dysfunctional and have forgotten the questions.

As my favorite Texas Chigger would say … “We have too much disunity in this country.” Kind of have to agree with that, at least today, I do. Let’s do some trash talking about this and that, see what pops up?  Find us some common ground with which to conversate … Whut up?

My other buddy, Bill Clinton is down in Florida stumping for the Obammer crowd and judging wet T-Shirt contests. I have not heard anything lately about the Born Again Moose Gooser, but I know she is out there somewhere, I feel her gun-sites on the back of my neck. In a few short minutes I will glean the net, and I am sure she will be there somewhere, she can run, but she cannot hide, as Reagan used to say.

Take a ride on the Peace Train Xpress here.

Here is another rule for you. It is called the 50-50-90 rule. It simply means that you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right in a conversation with other people, and that 90 percent of the time that you will more than likely have it wrong.

If you don’t believe me, I will introduce you to my Mother-In-Law and SHE will explain it to you.

A recent survey shows that three out of four people make up seventy-five percent of the world’s population. Here is something else I do not understand. If is hard for me to understand how a local cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the “high price of living.” That just doesn’t even come close to making sense to me.

If the shoe fits … get another one … just like it.

I got some new tennis shoes this past weekend, $39.95 and for that price, they do not blink, light up, have an arrow on the side, are too small for Michael Jordan, but they suit me just fine. I am saving up for some new sunglasses and my very own male thong.

While cruising the mall, I also thought about investing in one of these electronic play station things, man, they are totally out of control on these electronic gizmo’s! When the latest model comes out before Christmas, they will cost more than a three bedroom home in Los Gatos, California, for cyin’ out loud. Also looked at some digital cameras, now I have over 40 digital camera’s to choose from, it was a lot simpler a couple of years ago, when there were only 12.

  • A fine is for doing something wrong.
  • A tax is a fine for doing well
  • The lottery is a tax for taxpayers who are really bad at math.
  • I believe George Wubya ought to give me an additional $1200, $1800 if I have two kids.
  • Come to think of it, our kids are gone, you can keep the cash, I am doing just fine.

The only real cure for insomnia is to get more sleep. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. As I gaze into my magic crystal ball (actually it is a semi warm cup of coffee, but the reflections are adequate this morning in the dim light of my inner sanctuary … oooooh, that was nice, I liked that one) I see that life has taught us many lessons (some physically painful, others not) but always at the core of these teachings is one simple philosophy:

The World Wide Web Is For Sharing.

So as we stumble forth in our never-ending quest for unselfishness, the perfect Denver Omelet at the Local Denny’s Restaurant, we give the most generous gift we can offer you gracious web-surfer, it is the wisdom of our most wondrous sage, Ralph Henderson

Who said this: “Finding your Emu in Valhalla is the point of every man’s green piglet.”

Now reign in your disunity and go forth and have a wonderful day.

000