Long Black Train

2196254-crybabywithsadfaceI believe that inherently in all of us, is a embedded DNA code, the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, and at the same time, there is equally the God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. 13th of the month, another week of Mondays.  Don’t go riding on that Long Black Train.

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Strange Medicine … Have A Spoonful.

image001Find Your Happy Place:  Took my HHR to WalMart to have a tire looked at, it turned out it had a nail in it, and had to be pulled off the car and fixed. 

Usually this is no big deal, pull the tire, patch it, and re-mount it on the car.  I was a little bit hesitant when the person they assigned to work on my car turned out to be some new age tweaker with body piercing and a skunk hair do.  

 But I did not say anything.

They really messed up my car, skunk boy shot the tire and rim off the tire machine about six feet into the air and it came down on the concrete and damaged it severely.  This gets us to the part that I really did not like.  Although it was their employee that ruined my wheel, I spent three hours of my time locating a new rim which they paid to replace.  Here is the rub, the rim was paid for, they did not compensate me for any of MY time and they did not even offer so much as an apology for all that took place.  

If you go to WalMart and they try to assign Skunk Boy to work on your stuff, I don’t care if it is PC or not, tell them you want someone else.  In the future, if they look like, or dress like, or sound like, a crack head, I am going to say something first hand about it.  I am tired of dopers messing up my stuff and wasting my time and corporations who do nothing about it.  In this case, I feel as if I was “lucky in one respect” the entire thing only cost me three hours of my time and about $30 to replace the damaged wheel.

It Might Be The Tube:  Having trouble sleeping at night?  Putting on a few pounds?  Studies have show that watching too much television, computers, TV or cellphone screen messages can put you at risk for depression.  Night time exposure to light glow gadgets has already been shown to contribute to insomnia, cancer, obesity, and diabetes.

A new study shows that screen glow can cause mood related changes in the brain.  So it isn’t David Letterman after all, and it isn’t the Jay Walkers on Channel four.  (It might be Jerry Springer who is the ultimate trigger, we are not sure, we will have to get back to you on that one)

But we do know this.

It is your electronic devices you have surrounded yourself with.  If you think about what it represents, it does make sense.  You take a rat, you keep ‘em in the dark and study them for awhile, notice what rat things, rat’s do.  Then you take the same rats, subject them to huge amounts of light, from something resembling a TV screen or a PC.

First thing you notice is that the rats become lethargic and they ignore their favorite sugary treats, which of course suggests that “they are no longer deriving pleasure out of activities they once enjoyed.” (Being a good rat)  The next thing you know, they are auditioning on American Idol and Keith Urban is upset, and the Dawg is amused … What were we talking about here?  Depression, rats (the non politician type), and behavior modification.

How do I know all of this?  Well, if you must know, I stayed in a Holiday Inn in Amarillo last night.  Can we move on?

Same deal with Pepsi, coke, or diet anything …. serve rats fifty to sixty cans a day of the stuff, and sure as hell, they all get cancer.  Here is something we should look into … What if white rats are genetically linked to cancer to begin with (born with it in their genes) … Isn’t this going to screw up the data?  Leaving you with this consideration we will now conclude today’s science lesson for the criminally insane.  Next time we will discuss the problem developing with bears in our population.

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Bad Start To A New Deal:  Last September Apple stock was trading at $700-$800 per day and now it is down in the mid $400‘s.  Cheerio’s, Post Toasties and Cinnamon Buns are going thru the roof!  No more twinkies.  The year isn’t but one month old, and one Moonshiner has been arrested and The Gold Rush boys in Alaska, are still not finding gold.  Things are so bad in New York, the Mafia has laid off ten judges.  

And people wonder why television has a tendency to depress a person. (It isn’t all about the light depravation or glow, let me tell you)  

Think About This One.  If you worked 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, and you lost a million dollars an hour every hour, it would take you almost three years to lose $5.8 billion dollars.  Now the guys on The Street, JP Morgan were able to do it in only a few months.  But if things get really out of hand, they do not worry, because the tax-payers will bail them out.  Pretty neat set up.

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Ahead Of The Curve:  I saved the best for last.  Nothing sweeter than seeing something that you have already covered as a post on your webpage in a national headline or paper.  Yesterday morning I found this article on Feral Cats and as you know, I had written on this very same subject Fluffy Is A Killer on my site prior to this (December).  Pretty cool … Makes me almost want to dance.

Friday, you made it.  I am somewhat surprised that I did too.

One Last Thing In This Brand New Month.  The manager at WalMart just told me via the telephone that they had terminated Skunk Boy because of poor job performance.  If you swing thru McDonalds this weekend and the kid has pimples, jewelry and a Skunk type-do … Hammer down and rush over to Burger King or Taco Bell instead.

I am outta here … Have A Great Weekend.

OOO

What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this past week:

Home page / Archives  
He’s Alive!  
More Not Fresh Pressed Baloney  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Fluffy Is A Killer  
Take Your Pick  
It’s Your Choice – Not Mine.  
The Worry Tree  
Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats  
Clear Blue Sky

It’s Your Choice – Not Mine.

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Most mornings, I will sit at the table, cup of coffee, blinds open, watching the birds hustle to pick up the food I set out for them the night before.  How hard life must be for them and how easy it seems to be for me.  I think about a hot shower and how the water stings the back of my neck, long before the sun comes up.  Slowly I crank up to meet the new day in my own ritual.

Beside’s the shower, this (sitting at the table) is usually the best place for me, early in the morning, to gather up my thoughts, and think about what it is that I am going to post for the day.  On most days, I do not have a clue, as to what it is that I am going to share with you, I have not the faintest hint as to what I might have to freely give you.  At times I often find myself, totally lost in the moment and find no chart, no clear concise course to follow.

On some mornings, I share a bowl of oatmeal with a friend and work out my day.

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I will think about the first time my granddaughter took her little hand, placed it in mine and together, we walked across the parking lot of the truck-stop to the store.  How good it feels to be needed and wanted.  What was it that they used to call that feeling … oh yeah … a warm fuzzy.  How a four year old will exclaim to anyone within earshot … “This is the bestest day of my life” and mean every word of it.

Other times, I will think about a 12 year old boy I know, who has no friends his age, cannot throw a football, is home schooled, and cannot tell you what 4X8 might be.   “57?  Uh 64? …  41” … all good guesses, but not one is even close.  Deep inside it bothers me, because I know that not knowing how to spell a simple word like “cookie” at this age, will eventually lead to an emotionally crippled, ignorant teenager, in a very cold unfeeling world later on.  I think about his limited options, all the time painfully knowing, I have to be quiet about it, because it is a “family thing.”

Even farther back in the cavities of my mind, I will think of walking to the back of a locomotive, on a chilly winter morning, slowly chugging thru the yard for another cut of cars.  Reaching the back of the engine and finding my 47 year old friend Jack, sitting in the stairs, softly crying, because his kid is strung out on methamphetamine, and he doesn’t know what to do about it and I don’t know how to ease his pain.  I think of all the times in my own life where I feel so inadequate and used up.

This kind of thinking, often will make me happy and sometimes, it will make me sad.  Sometimes I will write about it and most often, I usually pass.  You see, most of my choices are limited, some will work out and some will wither up and die on the vine.

My thoughts such as they are, have one common denominator.

This would be that I really don’t have a choice in the matter, I have to work with what it is that I have discovered (within myself) this day.  My only options might be a set of headphones to drown out the noise or something like that.

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You on the other hand, you have a choice.

You can flip off the page and go somewhere else.  You can hit a delete button or escape and you are done.  You can report it to wordpress.com moderators as untasteful or profane, objectionable to your good adult standards or morale code.  You can ignore it completely.

The clock on the wall clicks off fractions of a day.  Often early in the morning, when we sit down to write it and then put it up, another slice of life, a moment in time laid out on the page.  Another offering is there for you to savor, relish and enjoy or to shut it down and walk away.  Some of it good and some of it not all that great.  It is all here, absolutely free.  No baggage to take with you, no promises to make or break.  And it only cost you a small portion of your time.

At times I think, believe it or not, you have the better part of the deal.

Thanks for stoppin by, as usual the comments section is open, take a shot at it if you wish.  Ameliorate the content of the post or just say hello, either one will work.

OOO

Tweaking Your Reality

 

“T’is nothing good or bad, but thinking, makes it so.” 

Shakespeare.

 

Something close to a lightning bolt, a defining moment came to me this week, it happened in the shower of all places.  Here it is:  I spend entirely too much time accentuating the negative and not embracing the positive things in my life.  In other words, “I am constantly at work almost daily making myself into a bad mood or creating inner turmoil.”  My brother-in-law has a word for it, he calls it “Stinkin Thinkin.” and he could very well be right.

Today I thought we might challenge the idea that we’ll be miserable if we don’t get what we want.  That is the idea that is put forth to all of us almost daily in the media, on television, and at some times, the Internet.  So what is it that is the defining edge here?  

How we use that “three pound meatloaf between our ears” has a lot to do with it.  In other words, what we want and what we get in life, can be measured out and accomplished by how it is that we think.  

There is an old saying that suggests, “that if you want to be unhappy for the remainder of your life, just long for or wish for that which is totally out of your reach.”  But then again, society will tell you over and over, “Go for it, shoot for the moon, you have nothing to lose.”

So how do you decide.  Which one is the correct solution to the dilemma.  Do you trust your thinking or do you go with the status quo? 

One thing that enters into play is the frontal lobe of your brain.  Our “psychological immune system” lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.  You do not get Fresh Pressed in the span of one year on WordPress.com, but you put up a post and eighteen hundred people view it.  

One makes you sad and disappointed, the other causes joy and elation for a perceived job well done.  A rapid fire-quick shot of whatever you need (dopamine?) to keep you going for a little while longer.

Here is another example;  You go on a date and the guy picks his nose in front of you, you never go out with him again.  You marry some poor slob, and he picks his nose, and you say to yourself, “we need to keep him away from Grandma’s fruit cake.”

Each decision weighed and inspected by your brain, for its respective worth in your life, one gives you happiness and one does not.

Believe it or not, you have the ability to chart your course thru life, you can choose to be happy and of course, you can choose to be very unhappy.  Most of us do not know how to choose between the two, myself included.  

With a New Year on tap, a clean slate, I am determined this year, to search out and find a way to turn it all around.  Which will be far from simple, you see, at my age, nothing comes easy for me any more.  Call it the beginning of wisdom, or clearly seeing things differently, whatever you want, but I am thinking there is a clear cut solution between being happy and feeling sad.  

 It is all in the way you think.  How it is, that you use the decision making processes of your mind. 

Think about this.  The front part of your brain gives you the ability to synthesize happiness, to get a little taste of something beforehand and make your decisions on that reality.  Some of you are chuckling to yourself right about now, most likely saying to yourselves … “what is this guy smoking?”  But it is true, you are capable of thought patterns such as I just said.

Need another example?  If you think it out, liver and onions doesn’t really sound all that appealing, so therefore, you decline the offer.  This done, without ever having to actually taste the liver and onions.  

 This is called synthesized happiness or thinking.  

You put the two together, and then inside your head, you made a conscious decision based on your thought patterns, as to whether this would be a good deal or not.  Then you go with it. (By the way, my mother made me eat it anyway, until I was old enough to refuse, and go to bed hungry as she put it.)

My wife stays relatively happy, not so much because I make it so for her, but because she mentally chooses to steer a course in that direction.  She will quickly tell you that “she is happy with the cards that God has dealt her, and that is fine, it is all that I need in life.”  Which I find amazing, because you see, I am constantly telling myself “this sucks and I want another deal.”  

Seldom do I get a new deal and I often find myself unhappy with the cards that I hold.

Every storm in life, will eventually run out of rain.  If you stop and take a minute to think about it, this makes an entertaining and profoundly moving case for creating a thought system that nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity and promotes the state of happiness in your life.

Oprah or Dr. Phil didn’t give this to me, and it is certainly not anything close to “New Age” or anything like that.  Just came to me in the shower one morning and stayed with me for a long time afterwords.

Our problem (or in this case MY problem) is … We have the power to synthesize our thoughts into good ideas and happiness, we just seldom use the tools we were given in the beginning.  All we have to do is think about it and then take the shot.  Who knows?  You might find it easier than you thought.  Going shoppin’ makes my wife happy … might work for me too …  Might exercise this new found knowledge and put it and the Credit Card to the test.

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OOO

Pavlov’s Dog

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Not long ago, I had text messaging removed from my telephone, along with internet browsing features, and a host of other unnecessary items.  I only have a telephone now, basic features include a ring tone and that is about it.  It had reached the point in my life, where it was consuming my every waking moment.  And then the government in their infinite wisdom gave telemarketers my number and that just about cinched it for me.

Most of my friends and acquaintances complain about my not paying attention to my telephone and always getting voice mail when they call.  But I feel it is time to just be me, and leave all the other external stuff to those who not only feel they need it, but at the same time, demand it in their lives.  This year, I am going to be one of the few that is slowly trying to pull away from the internet and its trappings that rob me of my time and provide me very little satisfaction.

With smart phones, tablets, and other digital devices reshaping how people work, communicate, and spend their free time, it is time to start to question whether or not our reliance on these items are affecting the way we think.  Next year, for the first time “Internet Use Disorder” will be listed in the appendix of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders.

Our dependence on these electronic devices has grown to almost epidemic proportions.  Some of it can be explained by employers demanding more access to their employee’s 24/7 today.  But let’s face it, there are a few who have a addiction to the information, data, and/or devices plain and simple.  

I cannot remember a time in a cafe, where I have not been bothered by a cellphone conversation.  I was at a funeral and the thing went off.  The movies, the mall, you name it.  We see people texting at stop lights, while driving, entire families sitting around with their nose’s in the devices and not talking to one or another.

I am on the computer daily, and actually feel some guilt or a twinge of anxiety when I am away from it.  It is an addiction sure, but in some strange way, we are reforming our thought processes and the devices are slowly changing the way we think, and that is kind of scary.

Consider this.  

When it comes to electronic devices some of us are exhibiting the same behavior of a cocaine addict, alcoholics, and other social misfits.  We can actually feel depression and in some case, acute psychosis.  The internet and these devices are slowly driving us completely mad.

Every time your phone, tablet, or computer pings with new text, tweet, or email, it triggers a sense of expectation, and the reward centers in your brain receive a pleasurable “squirt of dopamine.”  

Instant gratification.

I am often totally clueless when it comes to the Information age, but I do know this, I can leave the cellphone on the cabinet in the kitchen for a week, and it doesn’t bother me one iota.  I can unplug the computer for only about 72 hours, and I am working on that.  The best thing is to just lay ‘em down, walk outside in the clean air and take deep breaths, it will all be waiting for you when you return.

One reason you won’t see me talking to this guy any time soon.

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 The solution is simple.  Hang it up and shut it down to reclaim your life.

OOO

Stressful Issues

“Find a way to cheer up bucko … If you don’t … Anxiety and Worry will surely kill you.

Worry takes a heavy toll.”

This time of the year, a lot of people suffer from anxiety.  I myself find that I am not immune to it, and that I often feel depression sneaking in to my life to rob me of my joy.  Church goers possibly have a step up on everyone else, as the Bible instructs them to “not be anxious or to worry, for all of their needs shall be met by the Lord.”  Studies have long established that regular church going folk, have fewer problems as prayer lowers the body’s blood pressure and has a calming effect.

Also at this time of the year, the New Year, folks are worrying more about what is to come than at other times of the year, which leads to anxiety, worry.  Even tho we have long established traditions in place, seasons of time, the fear of the unknown seems to creep in and place all of us or at least a few of us, in deep seated worry and anxiety.

Which in turn kills us slowly and surely.

My good friend Ricky used to have a saying it was D.W.A.B.I. (“Doo-wah-bee”) which was his country way of saying … Don’t Worry About It.  Taking the stress of everyday life too much to heart could increase your risk of cardiovascular disease and shorten your life. Ironically, Ricky was sitting at the table in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee, and reeled over from a massive heart attack and died, at the ripe old age of 45.

A study of over 65,000 people found that those who reported feeling even “mild anxiety” of the sort that distracted them, depleted their self confidence, or sometimes kept them awake at night, were 16 percent more likely to die over a 10-year period than those with no such worries.

About one and four people experiences mild anxiety, but most remain untreated because don’t have “sufficient symptoms to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or a depressive illness.”

So, if you are seriously feeling like you are down in the dumps now that the holiday is officially over, all the parties have subsided and it is hard to get back into the groove, if all you have left to snack on is a holiday fruit cake and no one to talk to.

Find a way to cheer up bucko … If you don’t … Anxiety and Worry will surely kill you.

Worry takes a heavy toll.

Have a great weekend, we will see all of you on Monday.

OOO

Possibly Related:  Creative Endeavors D.W.A.B.I.

What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Girl Of My Dreams  
8-women-who-auctioned-off-their-virginity  
Wood Ice Chest  
Missed Opportunities  
2013 – Here we go.  
The Worry Tree  
Friday Out-Take  
Fantasy And Reality  
Other posts

The Morning After

Is it possible for one to experience or suffer “election deprivation or withdrawal symptoms?”  Do we have any learned or medical experts who read this blog that could take some time today to weigh in on this important lofty subject?  Here is an idea, I could give it to Margaret & Helen, and they could simply ask the question, “Does anyone think it is okay to eat flowers?” and they would get 657 answers in thirty minutes.

It surely doesn’t work that way over here.

It is nice that all this political stuff is winding down, good to be back in the “real world.”  Where you can strip off all of your clothes, walk down the street waiving a machete and firing an Uzi into the air, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:  “There’s a naked person outside!” Of course you smile and say to yourself, “This Okie is nuts” but gun sales and ammo are on the rise in America as we speak.

While we are on the subject of weapons.

The Bush Administration announced today that they have a new secret weapon in the war on Terror.  It destroys people but it leaves all the real estate in place, it is called “The Stock Market.”  No good huh?

Okay how about … What is the latest dope on Wall Street?

Allan Greenspan.

I just finished reading a new survey and it was kind of surprising (mildly depressing) and it implies that “Baby Boomers” are more prone to commit suicide.  But I don’t want this to be a downer sort of piece, so I am saving it for Thanksgiving.  But as I am a Baby Boomer a war baby, it did interest me.  There have been times in my life where I actually considered suicide, but I procrastinate a lot, and never followed thru on it.

Say what you want about it, but it saved my life.

But when you stop and look at your prospects after fifty, why wouldn’t you think about it.  Who wants to look forward to being an old geezer in America, someone like myself, old people that are forced to wear comfortable, loose fitting, armpit revealing sleeveless undershirts, Bermuda shorts.  The black socks and brown shoes, with the little baggy thing around the mid-section to carry your cellphone, Bi-focals, car keys, medicine.  That is enough to make any normal male depressed enough to stick his head in the oven on just about any day of the week.

So there is another thing that I am going to have to learn how to cope with ….

Uh ….  Wait, its right on the tip of my tongue, I just had it.

Talked to Cup Cake (The bride) and she didn’t see any concern, which is surprising as we are both the same age, and half-the time when we are leaving the house for a trip to the buffet, I have to tell her that she has her bra on backwards.  I guess men and women are just different.

I will say “Where did you get this cake?” and she will say, “What is wrong with it?” Then I say something like, “How did you get that bruise on your toe?” and she will reply, “I kicked a chair.”

Ask a man the very same question and he will say “Some idiot left a chair in the middle of the room.”

What other important issues of the 21st century do we need to discuss in this brief moment this day?  As we plow thru another Creative Endeavors fact-less post.  I am apprehensive about the future, I don’t cotton to change much in my old age, which is a nice way of saying; change makes me anxious, apprehensive, and nervous as all get out.

Mr. Obama may like it but I don’t like change and I don’t rush to embrace it.

As I mature…I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think. I’ve learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.  As much as I hate to admit it, things are different in my life now.

My grandson just yesterday asked me, “When you die what happens to you?” So I gave him the Okie scientific version I said, “Son, when you die they put you in the ground, cover you with a whole bunch of red Okie dirt, and the worms eat your body.” Now I know that sounds awful cruel and insensitive, but it is better than the current observations that surround us.  That we all die, and we go to hell and burn eternally, so I didn’t tell him that, ’cause I didn’t want to upset him.

Let’s be realistic, not everyone is going to heaven.  Speaking of heaven?  When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost all that nose hair and that old-man smell.

Honesty is important in this day and age.  Just ask any Savings & Loan officer, new car specialist or Oil Man. You should be honest and frank with your children, grandchildren, and it also pays to remember, they are the people who pick out your nursing home in the end.

As my doctor would say, “Go with that … Let’s expand on this one Don, find your happy place!”

Life is good in America!  I believe you should live each and every day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry, because come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

You know this is the first day without the irritating e-mail alert, I have it turned off, also I have the stereo headphones on, cranked up to about 9.5 (who wants to talk to grand-daughters anyway) and I have already “almost relaxed.”  845 words and I am still cranking on the keys, all is at peace in my world.

Bloggers Unite!  You too can write like this!  I will share my secrets of the web with you …. Snack on Halloween Candy at 6AM in the morning and the words just flow!

Here is something to consider.  I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.  Now I can put “nudist colony” in my tags and attract fifty new readers!  Hah!  For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.  Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.  Which coincidentally if you think about it, is what cheese turns to if you let it set out on the counter.

India is going or trying to go to the moon.  Wouldn’t it be neat if they actually went up there and found all the hubcaps missing off the lunar Lander we left up there.  That would be a gas!  Even better would be the press conference where Bush tries to explain it to everyone … the uh, Looonar Lunder has all the uh … the … uh, uh … I have funded a new committee to pool their ignorance and we will get back to you on this soon.

Ahhhhhh, Sunshine in my world.  Not writing about death, gloom, economic meltdown, scumbag politicians, dirty egg sucking dog bankers is good for your spirit early in the morning!

Almost as good as being immersed in a good book, reading all of those pages, getting inspired.  I reach out and hit speed dial on my phone to call my old teacher and thank her.  That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Reading is good for you, much better than television …..

  • It’s nice to be important, but it is also important to be nice
  • (Tony Dow from the Leave It To Beaver Show)
  • Book ’em Dano, Murder One
  • (Steve McGarret Hawaii Five O)
  • Why are these women running?
  • (David Hasslehoff … who cares?  Let them girls run!)
  • Where in the world is the remote?

As I have more than likely bored all of you too the point of crying, I guess it is time to shut this puppy down and move on to other pressing concerns.  I am working on a new piece, “Farming for the Government or How I got my position as Serf.” But don’t have most of the details worked out at this time.

Uh … I will get back to you on this soon.

So here I sit, quietly humming “Dunka-shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane” and wondering how come Wayne Newton isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be.  Then, I remembered, it is because he sucks.  Now that wasn’t nice … apologize … Okay, he isn’t all that great.

One more day and the weekend is approaching, I am ready.

A new administration is being formed as we speak, and soon, we can all close our eyes and visualize world peace for an hour or so over our morning coffee.  Imagine how serene and peaceful that will be until the looting starts.

I have to run (I will be here two and one-half days just typing in all the tags!)

This concludes this report from your uncouth Creative Endeavor reporter in the Heartland (which is a nice way of saying strange, clumsy, lacking polish and grace, awkward and uncultivated in manner or behavior or just downright rude) …  But gee whiz guys …. No one is perfect.

“Dunka -shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane”

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Boxed In

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Now that the election is over, I can get back to worrying about this ugly rash in my right arm pit and other important things that need my close attention.  Personally I am glad it is over, I am free of it, and now I can collect my thoughts, and get back to other things that are driving me nuts.

Like e-mail.  I am so sick of being a slave to my in-box, I have to really do something about that.  I made a folder the other day, I labeled it “Cartoons” so I could un-clutter some of my clutter.  So like the fool I seem to be, I put ALL OF MY BOOTLEGGED CARTOONS the really good stuff in the folder to store for sometime in the future.  That is what a folder is for, isn’t that correct?

Today I go to use it, guess what?  Yeppers, the folder is gone and the cartoons too.

So for starters, I am going to step away from the e-mail box, I am going to get the first things first stuff out of the way, and then read all this “pass this on to every person you know in the entire world” emails.  I am going to give it time and not leap to answer everything that I find in there.

Having convinced myself that this is necessary to good mental health. Not thirty minutes ago I killed the alert feature and now I am not disturbed or distracted by this constant beep!  You have mail!  I can wait to respond, especially to those massive mass e-mails.

The best, the absolute all time winners on e-mail was one that arrived in the box earlier on in the year, during the spring.  Nothing much about it was special except the last line … At the conclusion of the informational missive was this profound statement:

“If you do not get this e-mail let me know.”

Recently I have even learned how to lie about my whereabouts.  Fortunately, e-mail systems allow you to “create an outgoing message that says you’re out of the office.”  Which is cool, you can use it to give yourself an e-mail break.

Like this for instance: I am not actually writing this, this is being written by Don’s refrigerator, Don is not here, he took a break to go to the drugstore for a refill on his Prozac and a new blood pressure monitor.

Hump Day for a five day a week wage slave In Oklahoma … Hang in there … You almost have it made.

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Juggling Reality

Excuse me, would it be alright if we ….

Dover Delaware – A lawyer representing a condemned ax murderer told the state Supreme Court that prison officials violated state law by adopting a new lethal-injection protocol without allowing for public review or comment. An attorney for the Department of Correction argued that its policies and procedures are confidential and not routinely subject to disclosure. This is a new wrinkle in the fabric of society, getting pre-authorized permission and approval in order to execute an “AX Killer?”  Give me a break.

Could not happen to a nicer guy.

OJ Simpson is suffering through agonizing drug withdrawal behind bars says the National Enquirer. Simpson, recently convicted of armed robbery for trying to steal some of his old sports memorabilia suffers from severe arthritis because of old football injuries and was taking large doses of painkillers. Prison doctors have cut back on those medications, leavening Simpson hobbling and angry. “Sometimes he screams at his jailers, demanding pills,” a source tells the newspaper, “but his cries are being ignored.”  Welcome to your own personal hell OJ, enjoy your stay.

Trouble in Paradise.

There is now valid proof as to why Hawaii is the most expensive place in the U.S. to live. Honolulu – More Hawaii homeowners than ever are falling behind on mortgage payments; 594 home foreclosures were logged in September. The figure from Realty-Trac is more than three times the number for September 2007. A spokesman said the increase pushes Hawaii from 34th in the nation for foreclosures to 20th.

Gettin Tight In Suburbia

Coeur d’Alene, Idaho – Sales of booze are up at state-run stores in northern Idaho. State Liquor Dispensary Superintendent Dyke Nally said people are avoiding costlier bar and restaurant tabs and doing more parties at home to save money. Personally, I am all for people staying home to imbibe and make a fool of themselves. And please remember, “Friends do not let friends drive drunk.” If they insist, then you should shave their eyebrows and put them on a bus to Chicago. It is a public service, and actually quite entertaining at the same time.  Speaking of buses? (Nice blend huh) Check this out.

Someone needs to remove her head from her you know what or head back home … We don’t need MORE twisted science.

Just when you thought it could not get any worse. In an election that has been fought on an astoundingly low cultural and intellectual level, with both candidates pretending that tax cuts can go like peaches and cream with the staggering new levels of federal deficit, and paltry charges being traded in petty ways, and with Joe the Plumber becoming the emblematic stupidity of the campaign, it didn’t seem possible that things could go any lower or get any dumber. But they did last Friday, when, at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Sarah Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good xenophobic and anti-elitist measure that some of this research took place “in Paris, France” and winding up with a folksy “I kid you not.” […] More >>>

LOOKS LIKE THE SAME OLD CIRCUS TO ME

Turning Off The Juice

Concord New Hampshire . The state plans to turn off more than half of the 621 highway lights along Interstate 95 in the Portsmouth area and along Interstate 93 in Hooksett and Manchester. It said flipping the switches will save energy and about $250,000 a year. We did that last year, we turned the heat down, shut off the lights, we sat in the dark, my cup cake and I, froze our hinny’s off, and we saved twelve bucks.

Check The Garage

Fayetteville Arkansas – Police have arrested an armored car driver who had reported that the truck he drove was stolen by men who took him hostage. Police recovered nearly $500,000 from the residence of Brandon Whitehouse, 21, after he told investigators he acted alone. Whitehouse is charged with theft and filing a false police report. Kind of like the guy who got caught with fifteen pounds of smoke and claimed the C.I.A. planted it on him … that one didn’t fly either.

Better Living Thru Chemistry

San Francisco – An organic chemistry student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, pleaded no contest to heroin possession after police found drug-laced beer in his garage. Chaz Renzelman, 28, said he created the concoction by adding a handful of poppy pods to his homemade beer to improve the flavor. Renzelman was sentenced to a drug diversion program.

A Rude Awakening

A Pennsylvania woman was asleep in her bed last week when a large chunk of ice exploded thru the ceiling and hit her on the forehead. Mary Ann Foster, 66, was left with a large lump, and said that she could easily have been killed if the projectile hadn’t broken into pieces as it passed through the roof of her house. Authorities say the ice, which Foster saved most likely fell from a passing plane, but Foster isn’t so sure. “There is a little fish smell to it,” she says. “Which is weird.” And now this Tuesday, I have a totally new definition of the word “weird.”

Hard Times In Texas

Things are so bad of the seven gift shops in Crawford, Texas, that once sold George W. Bush souvenirs, three have gone broke and only one still maintains regular hours. Meanwhile the White House press corps released a national policy statement on the economy just yesterday. It read: “Save a little money each month and the end of the year, you will be surprised at how little you have.”

If you are not all that crazy about this (pardon the pun) then check out what this guy in LA says the “New America” is going to be like, little eye opener here for sure. Seven more days until the Obammer Rapture.

And finally … Melt Down In The Heart Land

Psychiatric hospitals nationwide are reporting that admissions have more than doubled due to people suffering extreme stress about home foreclosures, job losses, and plunging stock prices. It appears that the appropriate response to our current reality in America, is to simply just go insane.

Have to go!  I am late for group …

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online), Sarah Palin article Slate Online.