Holiday Memories

A great deal of traffic this week on folks reflecting what the Christmas Season means to them.  Heavy emphasis on “memories of past holidays” and how it all seems to stick with them, over the years, and never goes away.  This is just that type of story, and at Christmas time in the Heartland.  

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Xpress Line …

Yesterday, weather was good, so we made a Bacon Run to China-World.  Great deal of traffic on the Super Slab, the low prices on gasoline has started to show up as a plus for the consumer.  They can actually afford to go somewhere now.

I saw this at China-World and thought it would be a good deal, so we bought a package and brought it home, I really cannot remember what the price of the item was. Continue reading

Just Give Them Cash And Be Done With It.

TBR 2010 Day Three 006My wife took me shopping for a M&M’s NASCAR jacket.  This has been on my Bucket List for quite some time now, a U.P.S. brown racing jacket for an old coot to style in.

As we were leaving the first or second mall, Cup Cake looks down and she abruptly pulls me up (sort of like reigning in an old horse or a mule) and says, “Your shoe lace is untied.

So I look down, and low and behold it is, I dutifully drop to one knee and assume the position, I proceed to put a double loop in it, and fix the errant troublemaker so that I will no longer have this problem.

Having completed my temporary stop for repairs, I start to rise, and she gently places her hand on my shoulder, and pushes down firmly and I look up, “What the —— now?

She says, rather sternly as if she is talking to a small child, “Now do the other one.“ Which to a man is stoooooopid, why do you have to do the other one, if the other one is okay, and it was.

But doing some quick thinking I remember that I have been here before, and a “wise man never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile.“ So I tie the other shoe, or rather, untie the other shoe, and then re-tie the other shoe. (You following all this?) 

While I am in this position, feeling the familiar pangs of insanity coursing thru my brain, I look up at her, and I say “Darling, will you marry me here, right now at the Mall!

And she giggles, at the same time, an elderly couple who are walking by and overhear my capricious statement and they stop.

The wife she smiles real big and kind of laughs and the husband offers up, “I am a preacher son, I can marry you right now on the spot!“ So I say to him, “For real? You are an honest to goodness preacher, for real?” and again he replies in the affirmative.

I quickly get up from my bent one knee position and say, “Thanks for the offer Padre, but that is where all my problems began to start with!

Four malls later, one trip to the Food Court for a round of give it to me quick and make it really greasy, we come home, sans jacket.

She however has found this stainless steel, pressure cooker thingy for the kitchen, or at least I think it is for the kitchen. All I know it is not my color and it will not fit on the dog, so it must be for the kitchen?

One last thing and then I will leave all of you alone.

I didn’t find the jacket, but I still got the girl, and that is all that really matters.  Instead of distracting yourself with thoughts of what or who would be better in your life, see if you can find a way to make the relationship you’re already in as good as it can be.

Happily married couples know that regardless of what happens in life, yesterday, last month, a couple of years ago or what might happen today, tomorrow, or next year — That Now — is the only place where happiness can actually be found and experienced.


I Am Tired

Have not vented in awhile, so I am going to blow off some steam.  By the way, “this post contains no literary value or socially redeeming information whatsoever.  Any resemblance to anyone living or dead … most likely was on purpose.”  (Lawyers said I might want to put that in there)

Here is what I am tired of:

I am tired of this “what do you want it for?” when I go to buy something.  Why is it the salesperson selling this item feels that he/she “needs to know” what I am going to use it for or where I am going to apply it in my everyday life.  Just sell it to me.  One more (we’re headed for a bonus round Alex) this reply of “No, what you really NEED is this” (instead of what I asked for) … Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life here, even if it is a “best buy.”

I am tired of needing a couple of these and when I go to the store, or outlet, only to discover there is only “ONE” of them for sale.  What is going on with that?  You need a pair of something and you find only one.  Think about it …  “Who buys only ONE loading ramp?” … Hell’s Angels?

I am tired of having to buy a dozen dry-cell batteries, when the device I use, only requires four.  Why do I have to purchase all the others, that never seem to get used, and when it is time for new ones, these “spares” are now dead and useless.

I am tired of bad Hollywood movies about high-school where all the girls are clearly well-endowed, wearing low-cut, showing a lot of cleavage dresswear and are a bit of a hooker type image in a progressive school and they are the main character.  The only girls I knew in high-school that fit this profile were (A)  Robbing their big brothers sock drawer.  (B)  Using a lot of tissue paper. (C)  The captain of the shot-putt team.

I am tired of sitting waiting on a stop light, when there is nothing coming in either direction, especially at $3.50 per gallon.  Have you noticed that since it got above $3.50 that there is no more talk of:  Offshore drilling, our dependence on other countries for our energy needs, solar power, wind power, the green initiative, shortages or shortfalls?

I am tired of television commercials where the respondents have the I.Q. of say, room temperature.  It is insulting to all of us, and I wish they would stop … because I will never purchase anything that advertises in a stupid fashion (New and Improved dog food?  Don’t squeeze the Charmin.  Bob is really happy!  The government wants to give you free money to name a few).

I am REALLY tired of politicians telling me that they are going to give me the leadership that I not only want … but I deserve.  Which is neither.

I am tired of folks taking multiple cellphone calls in the cafe/restaurant while I am eating lunch and discussing the “size of their blind dates assets” on Saturday night, or what they can legally do about the baby sitter getting into their stash and going thru their clothes closets.

I am tired of teenager’s who walk around the mall in their droopy snoop-dawg underwear, wearing their ball-caps sideways (the bill goes to the front Nimrod) and sing while wearing IPODS … which really sounds bad.  IPODs should have a warning label, much like a pack of cigarettes.  It would read:  “Caution, singing with headphones or earphones on, will not make you sound better to the general public at large.”

I am tired of neighbor’s who take up the entire aisle at WalMart with their shopping carts visiting when I need to get to the Oreos.  People who get in the fast lane (20 items or less) with a cart stuffed tighter than a weight watchers pair of shorts.

I am really tired of the old geezer’s who are happy because they can go fifty miles without stopping for a bathroom break.  And the two romantic bozo’s who sit in the matching bathtubs at the seashore, at sunset, holding hands, and living a richer more productive sex life?  Give me a break.  By the way, did you know the telephone was invented 74 years after the bathtub?  Yeah, no poopy.  You could have soaked for a long time, without the phone ringing, just think about that one for a bit.

I am really tired of medicine that has the following:  Dizziness, dryness of throat, dry cough, sleep disruption, nausea, and explosive diarrhea … Why can’t they put some Imodium ID in this stuff when they are mixing it up to begin with and put a stop to that last one.

I am tired of “Did you find everything you were looking for?” and when you reply, “No.  Where are the ______ ?” and then they say something like … “Okay.”

I am tired of standing in line at the bank waiting on a teller, when there are ten windows, but only TWO girls working the counter.  I am tired of viewing a commercial and the the NEXT commercial is the SAME commercial … I got it the first time.

I am tired of the right lane being shut-down in 1,500 feet for no apparent reason.

And lastly … before I lift off and head for my own planet

I am tired of cheap phones that do not work, and then being required to sign a two year agreement in order to get another cheap phone that does not work, when I have been a good, loyal, valid and documented always paying on time customer, for over ten years.

I guess that would just about cover it … Unless of course …. Something else pop’s up, we will keep you advised.  I am headed out to watch some Charlie’s Angels … Hang loose.


Raspberry Award

walterHas anyone seen this video floating around where the kids are purchasing groceries for complete strangers?  This has been going around for a week or two.  It is so refreshing to see young people doing good works, soothes my soul, gives me a warm fuzzy.

Evidently WalMart has updated its policies on charity giving and such.  Not long ago a friend told me that a guy had went into a ChinaMart and bought some pre-paid gift cards and was standing in the doorway of the store handing them out to people and wishing them a “Merry Christmas.”

Which it was, until security showed up and demanded that he stop the practice.  Now this is kind of lousy, he did after all purchase THEIR CARDS in order to fulfill his holiday destiny.  But ChinaMart was having none of it … they stopped him dead in the water.

So the Holiday-Do-Gooder went to Target as the story goes, told them of his problem, asked them if they would replace the ChinaMart gift cards with theirs, and allow him to do this good work in their store. 

They readily agreed, took all of the left over ChinaMart cards and redeemed them for full face value, and then issued the guy new TARGET GIFT CARDS and made available for him a space to do his thing.  God Bless Target … A lump of coal and a steady supply of raspberries for ChinaMart if this anti-holiday policy is still in effect.

Here is one more we will throw out on the porch and see if the cat will lick it up.

You want to greet me with Merry Christmas, that is just fine.  I am not going to be all touchy about it.  If you are hassling your employees about this practice, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for me, I don’t do the gift card thing.

Americans already have too much stuff, they don’t need any more cheap trash from you know where.  We will find an older couple (most likely several of them) in an eatery and we will pick up their tickets and buy them lunch/breakfast.

At this point you are tiring of the diatribe, so I will close with this:  “I don’t need a Brown Thursday, Black Friday or Super Saver Saturday” to make it thru the week, and neither do you.

That is all I got, see you, tah-tah tootle-loo.




It was bound to happen, just a matter of time.  My bride walked into the room and unceremoniously announced to no one in particular, “Take me shopping.”  So we loaded up in the old truck and drove the six miles to town.  She wanted to go to Kohl’s a department store in Yukon, Oklahoma.   After parking the truck we walked a short distance to the store, upon entering the store, immediately, she spots a garment (a blouse) hanging on a garment rack.

She walks over to it, feels of it, strokes it, appraises it from every angle, and then looks at me and says, “Whadya think.  Its 50% off.”  I look at it, it is nice, sheer, almost transparent the tag reads, $17.99 marked down from $36.00.  It is kind of blue and green in color, and as I said you can see right thru it, very much MY kind of blouse.

I say to her, “I dunno?” and kind of shrug my shoulders.

We move on, you see I know that I am here to drive the truck, my appraisal or value placed on any item in that store, means nothing.  I am now taken to the pots and pans, the stainless steel items that shine in the artificial sunshine of the store, with their clear lexan tops and bright polish.  We look at several, again, picking up a cookie pan that will produce almost magically 24 cup cakes, she says to me, “What do you think?” as if my input or opinion really mattered.

I again, “shrug my shoulders and silently wish that I had begged off back at the house when asked to volunteer for this mission.”

Things go well for the next ten minutes or so, and I make it all the way thru housewares without incident.  I am now in bath towels and fluffy stuff.  Then I see them.  Flashlights!

All manner of flashlights, on a rack, silver ones, red ones, blue Flashlights.  They are everywhere, so somewhat like a drunken sailor I saunter over to them and I feel them.  I admire them.  They have little buttons on them and the sign says …. “Try me.”

I look up and all of a sudden, she is nowhere to be seen, I am alone, just me and the Flashlights.

The Christmas muzak blares from the overhead speakers and I am magically transported to another time and another place.  Having left my cellphone home on the counter, there is no way I can locate her, and I am certainly not going to go on a search and rescue mission in a department store.

Slowly I gravitate towards the front of the store, the main entrance, and assume a position at the perfume counter.  Shifting one side of my body weight to the left shoe, I assume my position, by leaning back slowly into the counter and I check my watch.

The edge of the counter top starts to dig into my back, I shift my weight but another time, and I wonder how long it will be before I hook up with my little parsimonious shopper.

My mind slowly wanders off … Little beads of sweat form on my forehead and they roll down my cheeks and drop onto the Army Green container on the floor.  I take my trusty pocket tool, the red one, with the toothpick inside, and gingerly start to loosen one screw on the case, it breaks loose slowly and I feel it give way.  The red LED clock slowly clicks downward a second at a time.  I must get the access door off, and find a way to the inner core, to the explosive element that ignites the nuclear mass of the bomb itself or the weapon will explode, and all of mankind for five square miles will be toast.  The door slowly prys open with final screw and the main access panel is there, with all the wiring intact, which I by-pass and instead, go for the igniter of the weapon itself.  The Red LED clock is now getting insanely close to running out, and I am frantic.

I silently wish that I had a flashlight and curse under my breath ….

Then her voices breaks the silence, “Here you are.  Are you ready?”  I nod my head and she says, “I didn’t find nuthin’ you want to go get some Mexican food?”  Like a blind man, she takes my arm and starts to lead me toward the exit of the store.  “You didn’t find anything you liked either?”

Again, “I nod my head” and we start out for the front doors.

She again stops at the garment rack, and fingers the blouse, I can tell she really wants the blouse.  She pauses a little bit and then says.  “Let’s go.”  I say “Wait here and I will go get the truck, you won’t have to walk in the cold.”  On the way out to the parking lot the north wind takes a sharp bite out of the corner of my eye, and sends a shiver up my spine.  I get in the truck and I think to myself, “She never gets it?”


You see I might be sixty-five years old, but my LIbido is still very much in place.  I am a man, very much so, and thus, I am stimulated not by emotional things, but by visual items.  All she had to do was look at me with those big brown eyes, eyes a guy could get lost in, smile and say, “If you buy me this, I will model it for you without my bra.”

I would have bought it in a Hong Kong second …. Fifty-percent off or not.


Tiny Dancer

Connie is standing there in the aisle of the supermarket, she looks a little frazzled and tired.  “How you doin’ neighbor?” I say to her, and she half-way smiles.  Noticing that something is visibly wrong, I say to her … “What is up, you look a little bit down in the mount.”

“Oh, I am sorry.”  It is Chuck and the kids.  “Y’know sometimes they just run me a little bit ragged.”  It all started on Saturday, the six year old, Shellie, she wanted to play “dress up.”  So she got her three year old brother Brad to join her, and they were having a high old time together.

Every now and then, she would pull him into the kitchen to show him off and beg another box of juice.  It was all quite innocent, and so charming.   She had him put on several dresses, and she was adding makeup to him and all, it was all harmless fun.  Just two little kids doing their thing on a Saturday afternoon.

So I asked her, “So, what is the problem?”

“Well, Shellie dressed her little brother up in a small tu-tu and some frilly little shoes” and then he prances into the living-room where Chuck was watching the NFL and announced to his Daddy that he was a ballerina!”  And then the trouble began.

Which begs the question, “How was your weekend?”

Here is something from all those wonderful people who had their science projects done and turned in on time.  Having never watched any sci-fi or horror movies while growing up, scientists are about to drill deep down below a frozen Antarctic lake looking for forgotten life forms.  Which is kind of dumb, you want to find “forgotten life forms” just head on over to your local FaceBook page or

After 16 years of meticulous planning, a team of British scientists is finally ready to journey to a remote, windswept plain in Antarctica, where they will drill deep into the ice to take the first-ever samples from a lake cut off from the sunlit world for up to 1 million years.  When they get done with that, maybe they could hop a flight over to China where a river recently turned the color red.  No word on the frogs, flies, leeches or why it is Campbell Tomato Soup color.

The British are a fun lot aren’t they?

I understand now that they are considering increasing the excitement level of commercial air travel.  Airbus wants to make future airline flights more exciting with catapult takeoffs and steep-dive landings.  What is the absolute worst thing you can hear on a commercial air flight?  This is your captain speaking … we are currently flying at an altitude of 48,000 ft, over the Grand Canyon, the outside temperature is -25, and we expect to arrive in Seattle at …. That no good lousy woman, she never loved me!  I will show her!

Here is today’s final note.

A woman has taught her bird to cuss out her neighbor and is in hot water because of this.  But please consider this at the same time, if you can teach a bird to cuss someone out on command, why can’t we teach these bird-brains in Congress how to budget and cut back on some of this unnecessary spending.


Choo-Choo Boogie

Yesterday amongst everything I found this it was a comment on Junk Food Junkie which was a post I put up in November.

Submitted on 2011/12/14 at 3:32 am
The next time I find out a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as considerably as this 1. I necessarily mean, I do comprehend it was my choice to find out, nevertheless I seriously assumed youd have one matter appealing to say. All I hear is in fact a bunch of whining about something that you might restore any time you werent too chaotic on the lookout for focus.

Which left me with two choices, “Not Spam or Delete Permanently.”  Tough choice, which one do you suppose I took?  Note the writer (using that word loosely here of course) is up at 3:32AM and for most intents is either illiterate, stupid or severely sleep deprived.  Now here is the rub, the nail in the proverbial coffin … This Nimrod actually provided a “link” as if he expected me to link him back to whatever it was he was doing?

Now that is rich.

No problem sport … I will just keep pluggin’ away with what it is that I do (rather well) and what you seem to be struggling with.  Hang in there chump, and good luck with the spelling and grammar lessons.

I am late with my hauling … Lot’s to do this day.  The morning sun is breaking the horizon, as I am fond of saying, “I need to get crackin on all those little nuances of life that just make my day.” Congratulations you made it to another pre-Christmas week!  

MasterCard & Visa in anticipation of the rush, has raised everyone’s limits, get out there all you serious shoppers, and meet the challenge!  Take no prisoners … shop till you drop … and think of me, sitting here in my plush, leather chair, sippin’ on a sweet egg nog, laced with a little black label from Kentucky.   Reading my comments (good and bad) and smiling my toothy smile … and all warm inside.

Time to go, remember this Holiday Season … “Friends do not give friends fruitcake!”  Here is a little slice of life for you … Some good news over the holidays … Secret Santa’s … are in our midst.  A good read go over there and check it out. 
Happy Holidays and have a positive shopping experience.


Cry Me A River

Middle of the week, kind of snuck up on me again.  Already the sixth of the month, and this one appears to be another “barn burner” and well on its way.  Hold on, grab something, the ride is now underway.

It is now time to talk about everything that is fit to print, or causes fits in print, or whatever.  If you come across something that disturbs you, just hit the button and your problems are solved.

An Indiana woman is suing Carnival Cruise Lines because she got seasick on her vacation.  She alleges that due to the speed of the ship she became very sick.  She insists the sea-sickness was not her fault, saying “the ship was moving so fast that everyone on board became sick, even the workers.”

Uh huh, sure.  That dawg aint gonna hunt as they say in Atlanta.

Have to go to the store and purchase groceries today, don’t look forward to it any more.  The cost of everything has risen so quickly and money doesn’t even slow down when it gets to me.  We always have more month than we have money around here.  This month however, we had an unexpected upturn in funds in the mailbox we are a little flush in the chips, could be time to splurge and treat myself to something nice.

Might swing by Target and get me a cup of caffeine enhanced Starbucks go-go juice.  I sure don’t know what it is that they put in their coffee, but it sure “jump-starts my day” every now and then.  Santa Fe Springs, California, enjoys the world’s highest concentration of Starbucks outlets.  There are 560 Starbucks stores within 25 miles of town.

Just follow the wide-eyed, well tanned, big bosom girls, they can lead you to where the coffee pit stops might be.

Also have to pick up the Lottery Tickets, Wednesday is the day all of us suckers plunk down our hard earned cash to buy into the option (or dream ) of being rich in this country.  I don’t want to be stinkin’ rich … but I wouldn’t mind smelling bad. Only four in ten American millionaires do not feel wealthy, according to a survey of more than 1,000 millionaire households by Fidelity Investments.

To feel wealthy in America, the survey found, millionaires require $7.5 million in invest-able assets.  That is up from $5.6 million a few years back.  The median U.S. household income in 2009, in case anyone is wondering, was $49,777 which is a far cry from $7.5 million.

A craft brewery is suing Michigan’s state liquor board for denying a license to it Raging Bitch beer.  Flying Dog Brewery points out that the board previously approved its Doggie Style and In-Heat Wheat beers, and claims a free speech right for the bitch label.

The commission, however ruled that the name and depiction of an angry female dog on the bottle’s label were detrimental to the “welfare of the general public.”  All of it is kind of silly, I drink Sweet Bitch, which is a wine out of South America, all of the time.  But then again, I don’t live in Michigan (thank gawd for that).

Then again, if you are in trouble or detrimental to the “welfare of the general public.” There is hope on the horizon, all you have to be is “be famous.”  Texas prosecutors offered to let Willie Nelson pay a small fine to settle marijuana possession charges if he agreed to sing   “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” in court.  “I am not gonna be mean to Willie Nelson,” said prosecutor Kit Bramblett.

I could sing “Cry Me A River” but I would still have to pay my fine to the bailiff on the way out the door.

You can now start your own Navy, after U.K. Ministry of Defense announced it would take bids on a decommissioned aircraft carrier, the HMS Ark Royal.  Bidders have to outline their “intention regarding the vessel,” which would never fly in America.  We just build ‘em and then turn them loose on the rest of the world.   “Intentions” I guess could be defined as “Foreign Policy” and it quite apparent to anyone around here … We don’t have one.

It has been awhile, anyone remember the now “infamous Weapons Of Mass Destruction” (WMD’s) from the Bush Administration years?  Well, they say if you preach about something long enough, it will eventually come home to haunt you.  This past week, one of Mr. Bush’s chickens came home to roost.

A terror suspect pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempting to build a bomb, which he allegedly considered deploying at the Dallas residence of Former President George W. Bush.  He came to Lubbock Texas on a student visa in 2008 and was arrested in Feb after ordering a suspiciously large shipment of a chemical used to make explosives.  He should have known, this only works for the coyote in Road Runner cartoons, and he always orders from Acme.

By the way, this guy was one of “our friends from Saudi Arabia.”

They do advertise on television “Come to Texas, it is like a whole other country, Y’all.” They appear to be ahead of the rest of us, terror in the Lone Star State is alive and well in Lubbock of all places.  So much for jihad in Texas.

And you thought it was going to be just another Wednesday …..


Shoppin With Boxcar

Man-Man, come on Spring Time!  It is time for a Road Trip

I want to run away! Where is the chocolate milk and the Oreo cookies, please placate my spirit, I am drowning here and I don’t know what to do.  Whisk me off my tired old feet … Take me away to the beach, where I meet beautiful people, who appreciate me and respect me for my feelings. A place noticeably void of barking dogs. Sirens. Road Rage, where folks genuinely smile, who wave at you with all of their fingers …

A place of spirit engaging mystery … A place where sometimes, during the middle of the day, I would be allowed to lie down for a nap, for no apparent reason. Or perhaps sneak down to the local watering hole for a much needed, albeit ill advised Margarita. Some idle conversation with a beautiful, well tanned, interesting woman, walk barefooted in the sand.

Road trip!  Time to get out of town, new sites, new faces, new places.  I hear Kenny Rogers has a new album out at the Old Cracker Barrel stores, fifty-years in the making!  Who can resist a acquisition of music treasure like that?  (Plus Chicken & Noodles to boot!)  Personally I am all into Carrie Underwood, but at my age, well, you know the drill.  “You take what it is that you can get … and then quietly fade into the background.” (Hey kids, someone wake up Grandpa and tell him it is time to eat, that kind of thing)

Mama comes into the room and announces to no one in particular her intentions concerning the weekend.  She says “I want to go shopping” … and I of course find myself on-board … Sign me up on the dotted line.  So Friday night, with almost laser guided focus, we cut and run south towards the Red River and that state line.

Let’s go shopping!  I quickly agree.

You see, I know the rules of a happy life, and that is mainly this.  “A happy wife equals a happy life.” At this point I should interject that I am a happy, happy man.  Having learned a long, long time ago, it is not always a smart thing to do, irritating the cook and all.

So I quickly answer up in the affirmative, “Uh how about Dallas?  That sound good to you?” Make the smart move, NASCAR runs every week this time of the year, it is no big deal.  Masculine Rule of Life:  “A wise man, never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile. “ (Be agreeable, or lie down on the floor and play dead … but be advised, trust me, that one never works).

Most people go out on Friday night, find a suitable honky-tonk, get drunk and be somebody.  We on the other hand, happily basking in what the media calls our “golden years” we go shopping.  Pulling up, locking the front gate … We are off and running.

Dallas is a big city, and they have numerous places to go shopping. Fortunately they also have a lot of Wi-Fi hotspots and I am finding it relatively easy to transmit data into cyberspace. Much like Robbin Williams in the not so recent DVD movie “RV,” all I have to do is just stand on top of our bus … Nah, I am pretty sure you are not buying that one are you?

Burger King, Denny’s, recently even McDonald’s came of age, a lot of places have free Wi-Fi now. The computer era, isn’t it swell. If you don’t know how to do it, just ask one of your grand kids.  I saw my first honest to goodness three-D television this weekend, what is the world coming to.

Almost the middle of the month and we are not broke, despite the best efforts of Big Oil to strangle us, we have a little left over.  Ideally we found ourselves with a little extra scrilla in our pockets, so she decided that shopping would be the endeavor for the day.  (Oh by the way?  Kids refer to money as scrilla these days, if y’all aint hip, it surely isn’t my fault)

“Yo Mama got mad scrilla. We’re gonna rock the mall later.”
So we set out in earnest and during the course of the day, ended up walking some five different Malls.  Or as My wife is fond of saying — We Shop Until We Drop — a kind of “take no prisoners attitude that I surely do not adhere to or understand.“

Even now, much later, I do not know what it was that we were shopping for.

Shopping for me is never that great, and I usually wear out early, the whining factor comes into play much sooner these days than it did in my younger years. Often in complete desperation I will pull out my cellphone and have “fake very loud conversations with our non-existent children” in order to embarrass her and make her take me home.

“Shoppin with Boxcar is often not pretty.”

I just don’t seem to have the stamina for it, I am not the “shop until you drop” type face it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never find what it is that I am looking for. On the other hand, when we do go on these sojourns into the marked down 50%-merchandise world, she will always find several items that catch her fancy. I on the other hand, will search in complete desperation, every hall, every wing, every level of each mall and never find what it is that I set out to find.

Such is my burden in life to carry.

Never do I stop to realize and admit that, often, the fantasy of something different is a lot better than the reality of something different. So, we walk and we walk, and we walk some more. The concrete is mostly unforgiving on an old geezer like me and late in the afternoon my hips are tired, my back isn’t doing much better and I have “attitude.”

Like I said earlier … Shopping with Boxcar is not pretty nor is it fun.

Time to close, I have rambled on far too long.  So long from America’s Heartland, El Reno, Oklahoma, where the Twisters make lazy circles in the sky, and the wind lifts up red dust to get in your eye, a slow paced sort of place where we don’t drive on the shoulders and do our best to follow the right path.

One last thing boys … Take my advice, “If the little woman asks you to go shopping or do you want to take a pass and not go?” Take the high road, nod your head in silent agreement and then stay home.  It is always best to leave the shopping to the Pro’s.

Friday have a great weekend, it is still YOUR choice, enjoy.  Life is short*.


* Now wasn’t that refreshing …. There is twenty-one minutes of your life, you will never get back.