CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS

Chopsticks

I am thoroughly convinced that if you watch three full episodes of The Bachelor, that you can be certified, brain dead.  My wife not only watches this, but she watches the commercials too.  Sitting there in my chair, with that deer in the headlight stare, my mind keeps playing over and over, shoot me, shoot me, please, take me outside and shoot me!  Continue reading

Another Dose Of It …

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Honey it’s on … They are lying to us again, come watch this.

This post contains plenty of hot air, and none of it, has been deleted.  I just love it when politicians come on television, knocking off World Wrestling, to tell me how good I have it.  Right when you are getting into, I mean, really getting into, the Paso De-Doughblee on Dancing With The Stars, they switch to the scripted drivel that politicians call “Leadership.”

Continue reading

Strange Medicine … Have A Spoonful.

image001Find Your Happy Place:  Took my HHR to WalMart to have a tire looked at, it turned out it had a nail in it, and had to be pulled off the car and fixed. 

Usually this is no big deal, pull the tire, patch it, and re-mount it on the car.  I was a little bit hesitant when the person they assigned to work on my car turned out to be some new age tweaker with body piercing and a skunk hair do.  

 But I did not say anything.

They really messed up my car, skunk boy shot the tire and rim off the tire machine about six feet into the air and it came down on the concrete and damaged it severely.  This gets us to the part that I really did not like.  Although it was their employee that ruined my wheel, I spent three hours of my time locating a new rim which they paid to replace.  Here is the rub, the rim was paid for, they did not compensate me for any of MY time and they did not even offer so much as an apology for all that took place.  

If you go to WalMart and they try to assign Skunk Boy to work on your stuff, I don’t care if it is PC or not, tell them you want someone else.  In the future, if they look like, or dress like, or sound like, a crack head, I am going to say something first hand about it.  I am tired of dopers messing up my stuff and wasting my time and corporations who do nothing about it.  In this case, I feel as if I was “lucky in one respect” the entire thing only cost me three hours of my time and about $30 to replace the damaged wheel.

It Might Be The Tube:  Having trouble sleeping at night?  Putting on a few pounds?  Studies have show that watching too much television, computers, TV or cellphone screen messages can put you at risk for depression.  Night time exposure to light glow gadgets has already been shown to contribute to insomnia, cancer, obesity, and diabetes.

A new study shows that screen glow can cause mood related changes in the brain.  So it isn’t David Letterman after all, and it isn’t the Jay Walkers on Channel four.  (It might be Jerry Springer who is the ultimate trigger, we are not sure, we will have to get back to you on that one)

But we do know this.

It is your electronic devices you have surrounded yourself with.  If you think about what it represents, it does make sense.  You take a rat, you keep ‘em in the dark and study them for awhile, notice what rat things, rat’s do.  Then you take the same rats, subject them to huge amounts of light, from something resembling a TV screen or a PC.

First thing you notice is that the rats become lethargic and they ignore their favorite sugary treats, which of course suggests that “they are no longer deriving pleasure out of activities they once enjoyed.” (Being a good rat)  The next thing you know, they are auditioning on American Idol and Keith Urban is upset, and the Dawg is amused … What were we talking about here?  Depression, rats (the non politician type), and behavior modification.

How do I know all of this?  Well, if you must know, I stayed in a Holiday Inn in Amarillo last night.  Can we move on?

Same deal with Pepsi, coke, or diet anything …. serve rats fifty to sixty cans a day of the stuff, and sure as hell, they all get cancer.  Here is something we should look into … What if white rats are genetically linked to cancer to begin with (born with it in their genes) … Isn’t this going to screw up the data?  Leaving you with this consideration we will now conclude today’s science lesson for the criminally insane.  Next time we will discuss the problem developing with bears in our population.

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Bad Start To A New Deal:  Last September Apple stock was trading at $700-$800 per day and now it is down in the mid $400‘s.  Cheerio’s, Post Toasties and Cinnamon Buns are going thru the roof!  No more twinkies.  The year isn’t but one month old, and one Moonshiner has been arrested and The Gold Rush boys in Alaska, are still not finding gold.  Things are so bad in New York, the Mafia has laid off ten judges.  

And people wonder why television has a tendency to depress a person. (It isn’t all about the light depravation or glow, let me tell you)  

Think About This One.  If you worked 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, and you lost a million dollars an hour every hour, it would take you almost three years to lose $5.8 billion dollars.  Now the guys on The Street, JP Morgan were able to do it in only a few months.  But if things get really out of hand, they do not worry, because the tax-payers will bail them out.  Pretty neat set up.

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Ahead Of The Curve:  I saved the best for last.  Nothing sweeter than seeing something that you have already covered as a post on your webpage in a national headline or paper.  Yesterday morning I found this article on Feral Cats and as you know, I had written on this very same subject Fluffy Is A Killer on my site prior to this (December).  Pretty cool … Makes me almost want to dance.

Friday, you made it.  I am somewhat surprised that I did too.

One Last Thing In This Brand New Month.  The manager at WalMart just told me via the telephone that they had terminated Skunk Boy because of poor job performance.  If you swing thru McDonalds this weekend and the kid has pimples, jewelry and a Skunk type-do … Hammer down and rush over to Burger King or Taco Bell instead.

I am outta here … Have A Great Weekend.

OOO

What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this past week:

Home page / Archives  
He’s Alive!  
More Not Fresh Pressed Baloney  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Fluffy Is A Killer  
Take Your Pick  
It’s Your Choice – Not Mine.  
The Worry Tree  
Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats  
Clear Blue Sky

Thunder In The Night

Beware ID theft is real.

“Hey, you used to write superb, but the last couple of posts have been kinda boring¡K I miss your super writings. Past couple of posts are just a bit out of track! come on!”  Yeah, like you really expect me to answer this tripe … Don’t you just love all these Internet trolls who have nothing better to do than run around the net and instigate trouble.  As W.C. Fields used to say ….. “Go away boy, you are bothering me.”

ACDC in the middle of the night.  Iran has another problem, someone has loaded Malware onto the computers in their nuclear program and they are now hearing AC-DC at full volume in the middle of the night.  They have asked for assistance to remove the computer virus and stop the music and the crippling of their systems.  Now I wonder who could have done this dastardly deed?

Like my old man used to say, “Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of people.”

TOO MUCH SEX WILL KILL YOU … NEW SURVEY OUT SAYS SO.  You find the strangest things when you surf the net at night while your wife watches America’s Got Talent (NBC check your local listings … tonight it was some kid getting kicked in the … well you know) anywho, I found this article on the dangers of too much sex … that is if you are a fly.  

While we are on the subject of television, another show that she really likes is Storage Wars.  She cannot seem to get enough of Yuuuuup!  She loves to watch them bid on the abandoned storage lockers and see what treasure is inside.  Here is one that I doubt anyone would want to bid on, it is in Oregon.  This one is kind of creepy.

Here is one that is completely off the register, a guy who has NOT watched any television in 24 years.  That is better than the 12 foot snake found under the trailer in Florida, “Honey have you seen the dog tonight?”  

Photo Credit: Getty

Some folks take a good picture and then again, some folks do not.  I don’t feel as if I take a decent picture anymore, and kind of refrain from it.  Anyway I was looking at this picture and I found myself trying to figure out who it was?  Anyone want to take a shot at it?  Okay, it is Sarah I want to be the next president of the United States Palin.  I think it was taken at Rolling Thunder.  Rolling Thunder is a motorcycle meet held each year in our nation’s capitol and it appears this is where the photo was taken.  Here are two more shots, you can compare.

It appears that she was indeed there.

I am not sure, but the First Lady might have been there too.

FAKE ONE DOLLAR BILLS IN IDAHO.  Now I have heard of people copying $20’s and $50’s even occasionally a five dollar bill.  But going to the trouble of counterfeiting a $1?  Almost unheard of in this day and age, read about this Idaho underachiever here.  Maybe he was a little short on lunch money.

This one is close to my heart, no really, it surely is.  A girl who is on public assistance and receiving food stamps, wins the lottery.  A one million dollar prize, which as most of us know, would last a LONG TIME if managed correctly.  Evidently it wasn’t enough, during this same period she continues to collect almost six thousand dollars in food stamps.  Is this a great country or what?

At some point in time we are going to have to change some things.  First place we should start is in grammar school, where we teach children:  “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish… and you feed him for a lifetime.”

It might be more practical to change it to:  “Give a man a welfare check, a cell phone, cash for his clunker, food stamps, section 8 housing, Medicaid, 100 weeks of unemployment checks, a 40-ounce malt liquor, needles, drugs, contraceptives, and designer Air Jordan shoes… and he will vote Democrat for a lifetime.”

What we have now sure isn’t cutting it.

Thanks for droppin’ by, hope to see you again soon.

OOO

Sometimes This Stuff Makes Me Uncomfortable

This morning I am reading a webpage and it is about the loss of a dog.  Now that is sad, losing a pet, don’t get me wrong. The animal had some rare form of blood disease and expired.  Now here is the sick part of it.  The author of the blog said “it hit the blogging community with such force” that it would be nice if everyone reading this would send a comment to the dogs “parents” in their time of need.  (I am not making this up)  I suppose that some day, maybe soon, I will surf over to some website and there it will be ….

In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.  Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.   The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.  They put his left leg in.  And then the trouble started.

Send your condolences to the parents of the dead-dawg?  I guess it is official now, the world (or the internet) has gone completely bonkers.

As some of you already know, I am a big fan of The Big Bang Theory and I always wondered what an astrophysicist did in his spare time?  I have been relieved of that burden, they figure out neat ways to load an airplane.  They do this by computer modeling and live tests, from what I understand.  One of them has figured out a better way to load an airplane.

Instead of loading the aircraft from back to front, as many airlines do, they have discovered that this is the slowest possible way to do it.  Now instead, they say seat the families first, fill the window seats on both sides of the aircraft first, starting at the back on one side and work their way forward by even and odd rows.  This is much, much faster.

That is the good news, now here is the bad.

So far, none of the airlines are biting on the idea and he has not received one telephone call on the subject.  They seem to be wanting to keep it the way it is, crowded, cramped, never even close to on-time and leave it be.

Now if someone could just figure out how to fly my luggage to where I am (and not to Phoenix instead) and keep the kid behind me from kicking the back of my seat for four hours, I would be a happy camper indeed.

We now know what an astrophysicist does, how about an engineer?

Try this one:  There is a new way to get to school on time.  NASCAR mechanic Paul Stender reached a top speed of 320 MPH in a school bus he built with a Jet powered, 42,0000-horsepower engine.  Stender will demonstrate the bus at schools, to get students interested in engineering.

DUCK AND COVER — LOCK N LOAD

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. 

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.  Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Need a job?

Seven of the world’s ten biggest employers are run by governments.  Want to take a guess who is #1?  (Yeah I know, not fair)  The U.S. Defense Department leads the pack, with 3.2 million employees.  Next is the Chinese Army, with 2.3 million.

It doesn’t get any better.  Our uneducated chickens are coming home to roost.

The highest segment of the unemployed in this country are the young, ages 16 to 19, hovering around 25% unemployed. The harsh reality is that even when jobs are available, many of these job applicants aren’t ready for them.

We seem to have raised a large group of almost illiterate dysfunctional high-school graduates.  This is the group who sadly are more into video gaming and jello shots, than hard work and getting ahead.

They aren’t getting hired because they often aren’t worth hiring.  Nobody wants to talk about this now because it sounds like blaming the victim,  But it is also important to not ignore this factor just because confronting it is painful.

I hear this is why Obama is running for a second term, “he doesn’t want to be out in a sorry economy such as this is and have to be looking for a job.”

CASHIN IN

Lottery sales in the United States in the last year have surged in a good luck Tsunami wave of players intending to be the lucky surfer on the million dollar wave.  Seventeen states have including Arizona, Iowa, and Pennsylvania sold record numbers of tickets in the last fiscal year.  Most of it is being laid off on the bad economy, people are just getting desperate.

One thing I have noticed here of late, is no one pays for the morning coffee or the snack with paper money any more.  Lot of folks counting out small change to pay for the items, robbed from the life savings, an old Folgers Coffee can on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

The lottery is a suckers bet, another tax on taxpayers who are really bad at math.  You cannot spend your way out of debt as Obama has found out and the rest of America is finding you can not win your way to riches … Neither work

Which reminds me of Karl.  Each and every day, almost religiously, Karl would look up at the sky and he would pine, “Oh Lord, just give me five numbers on the lottery.”  Day after day, each day a new prayer and a new request … “Just six good numbers Lord … Five and a bonus Lord … please, if you give me this, I will make sure that I tithe on the money Lord.”

And then one day it happened to Karl, just like he wished it would.  Immediately after his prayer, he heard a voice boom from the heaven’s above and it said …. “Karl, give me a break, buy a ticket.”

The first number is twenty seven, the second number is forty-eight, #3 is 16, and here is one more you do not have …. #2.

Tah-Tah, tootle-loo, I will see you.

OOO

[#1171]

Put Some Zest In Your Life …

Been having a lot of problems with commercials here lately.  I don’t understand them at all, they must feel that we are a Happy Meal short of french fries or something.  (I hear now that they have a new Happy Meal they are serving in Oakland California … The Happy To Be Alive Meal)  Slowly but surely I am reaching my tolerance level on this current round of television commercials.

As it is a slow day here at the goat farm, I will point out or illustrate a few examples for you.

Verizon …Which is not to be confused with Horizon … two different things y’all.  Huge airplane, a stormy dark, mysterious looking sky.  I see three guys, each carrying a bright shiny ball of some sort, running to the back of a C-130 at a horrendous height above mother earth.  They all voluntarily bail out the rear of this plane and head downward, hurtling thru space at an incredible speed, carrying their shiny light things, and then the entire country lights up with noticeable intensity and power …. then a notice … “Do Not Try This” flashes onto the screen.

No problem.  Rented a C-130 lately.  Anyone?  Anyone?

Thought so.

Fabreeze, here is another one for you.  Gets out 75% of smells and odors, in the new sweet citrus and zest scent.  Now I am kind of worried about the 25% that gets through, what in the world could that possibly smell like?  And this “zest” what is that exactly?  In the masculine sense it just does not work, “Hey did you smell the zest on that guy?  Wonder how long he has gone without a shower?” or “Karl was asked to not come into the locker room after 18 holes, as other members complained about his zest.”

Cut away … Two duck hunters sitting in a blind in the backwaters of a half-frozen pond in Wisconsin, crack of dawn, one turns to the other and says, “Say Dan, what is that scent you are wearing?” and the other hunter replies, “Well Frank, it is called zest.”  A moment of awkward silence and then … “It smells simply delicious” the other hunter replies, “Why thanks, do you think these waders make my butt look big?  Be honest now.”

I don’t get it.

Click new channel.  Focus in on the sleek, chrome, testosterone filled SUV going down the road at a high rate of speed in what looks like modern day Wyoming or Red Lodge, Montana.  Suddenly for no apparent reason, it leaves the road and swings out into the open wilderness in carefully controlled reckless abandon.  (Figure that one out.)  Sagebrush and dust fill the screen!  The announcer says, “No other SUV will do this!”   Yeah?  Bull, anything and everything will do that, if you say, fall asleep at the wheel or look down to fish out another Gummy Bear out of the bag on the floorboard of the car.  Then it appears …. “Do Not Try This … Professionals.

Again … No problem.

Click new channel.  All these CMT video’s (and most of the situation comedies on television these days) are driving me up the wall.  Where are all the obese people, the people with the apparent weight problems?  Kind of like Bay Watch, the old television show that ran in the late nineties, that always had a beach full of beautiful people.  Running and sunning, not a care in the world, ah life was good.

Where are all these TV people living?  I never see them anywhere.  Where is this mythical population of just well endowed women showing a lot of cleavage.  Come to think of it, where are all the well endowed women showing a lot of cleavage when I go out to the store and to town?  I surely see a lot of overweight people.

I don’t get it.

CMT is also running a commercial for a new T Shirt that effectively removes (pardon the expression) “Butt Cracks.”  I am not making this up people, it is on there.  Here is a new product that will save us from unsightly appendage exposure by providing the wearer of the garment a longer tail on the T Shirt.  Now seriously, what kind of audience are they seeking besides Joe The Plumber of Sarah Palin Fame?

I told you it was a slow day on the Goat Farm … I seem to be on a roll … so here are two more.  Why is the dumb kid in the joke always named “Little Johnny” and the other woman greeted in the supermarket “Jane, and she just cannot believe its not butter?”

(If I tried to spoon feed my bride a piece of toast, she would bust my chops faster than a New York Minute and one more thing, if she ever shows up at the table wearing a sheer semi-transparent nightgown like that … Well flapjacks be dammed … All bets are off!)

And every now and then you come across a commercial that is worth watching, something that not only informs but captivates.  Such as this one, the power of dreams, Citibank …  There are so many adventures in life, that most of us will never come close to experiencing.

Having succeeded in increasing my total word count for the month, and gleefully established myself as a dues paying member of the Dirty Old Man Club,  I shall now make my departure.  This is the end of today’s post … please do not try this at home … as it is clearly apparent that it wasn’t done by a professional and you could possibly hurt yourself.

OOO

Remember When

You have made it to Friday, congratulations, the long awaited weekend is just now appearing on your horizon.  Good job!

Desperately seeking a respite from the snow, I plan on slinking out for some shopping today (Yes Margaret, men do occasionally go shopping, we just refer to it as Knocking Around).  Might go looking for one of them new tools for men I saw the other day.

Believe it or not, I could sit here all day and watch these commercials, they give me a testosterone rush which at my age is kind of dangerous.  But I like life on the ragged edge.  Kind of late with my hauling this morning, so I guess I best get back to the post.

Isn’t it funny how things change in our lives, and we hardly even notice?  (Nice blend huh?)  Outfit in town is selling “previewed DVD’s” and that makes me wonder … Whatever happened to the term Used? Pre-Owned cars, that is another one, what happened to a good used car? We have a good deal on a Program Car, which of course, used to be a lease car, or a rental car. Our finance specialist will be by to help you with the terms of the deal, how about our car salesman?

Emergency Brakes? At some point in life, the Parking Brake, became the Emergency Brake.
Things used to be store bought, another endearing term of my generation.
Coast to coast was a phrase I heard a lot growing up, that disappeared, it is now “World Wide.”
Which only lasted a fraction of time, only to be replaced with Global Market.

Wall to Wall … remember that, “wall to wall, a whole room full of carpet”  Now it is hardwood floors, which is what “wall to wall was invented for in the beginning” to cover them up.

In a family way, was changed to pregnant and that was changed to PG or In The Oven.
Divorce became divorcee, then it was gay divorcee, but now a days, that is not a good term to lay on someone.  Gay isn’t gay anymore, gay is a death sentence in a society that has gone over the edge. A sexually permissive self indulgent world where I believe they have 66 known sexually transmitted diseases floating around (STD’s), last time I checked.

Confirmed bachelors and career girls are long gone, replaced with career motivated.
Abortion is a Lifestyle Choice,
Adultery is an Affair.
Genocide has been replaced by Ethic Cleansing, and murder is still murder, no matter what you call it.

Trans-gender … Don’t even get me started.

Aging, replaced by Biological Clock, Senior Citizens, to New Age Generians.  Housewife, is now a Domestic Home Industrial Engineer.
Overweight has been changed to “Metabolically challenged” Revitalized carpet? (Resurrection of the dust ball?)
New and improved Dog Food?
(As if a dog is going to know the difference?)

I always liked “New Improved Tide, it gets out the grass and ugly blood stains.”
You have bloodstains on your clothing; it seems you have bigger problems than just dirt.

Removes 75% of dust, allergens, and odors, that other 25% must really be tough huh?
New and improved, fresher fragrance, no more old crappy smell, this costs .98 cents more.
A remote? Does that imply that it should be somewhere else?
Which is okay, most of the time, it is just that.

Percolator that was a fun word, now we have Mr. Coffee Maker. Pretty dull. Come to think of it, “If the kitchen is the domain of the woman, as we have all been led to believe, then shouldn’t that be MRS. Coffee Maker?”

How did pimple get shortened to Zit.
Hamburger, when it doesn’t contain any ham?
Big Sale, has changed to “we are overstocked again!”
Going out of business! (fifth time)
Now if you have been in business 25 years, how in the world do you get “overstocked” EVERY YEAR.

Saw this one last spring “Large Hail Sale.”
It was SMALL HAIL that caused all the problems.
Dyna-Flow, Electra-Luxe, Spectra-Vision …… where are they now?

More? Sure why not?

If you live in Oklahoma there is Miami (but pronounced by the locals as My-am-muh ) and if you are in Florida it is Miami (My-Am-mee) and then there is Demi (Dee-Me) Moore the actress, but I never saw a Semi (See-Me) truck on the Highway.

Aunt — Cant? Is this a crazy mixed up world or what?

And this brings me to supper.
In this part of the world it is “Breakfast, Dinner and Supper.”
Now what in the world happened to Lunch?
Was it ate up by brunch, which is not to be confused with dinner, that comes much later, just before …… Oh, well, you get my drift.

Life moves on … The television is currently rambling on about four old Geezers, riding around in a ‘57 Chevy convertible and spouting …… “Now men don’t have to worry about find a bathroom anymore!” Yeah right, like a MAN EVER WORRIED ABOUT THAT ONE … Take this and swallow it, your prostrate and your life coincidentally, will all be just fine afterwards.  Why are the people in the sex enhancement commercials always sitting, holding hands, in a bathtub?  I never in my life, had sex in a bathtub!

Trust me. Heh-heh.

So here I sit, with an organ the size of grapefruit growing inside my body that I was blissfully unaware of, and I don’t know what to do about it, other than watch the latest, late breaking news flash about male menopausal prostrate problems.  Drinking my masculine coffee, from my Mr. Coffee Maker that was Hecho in Meh-ico. Thank you Madison Avenue, for cutting thru all the clutter. How about addressing my other problem. I still need exercise.

Joggin didn’t produce the positive results for me that I had hoped for. Every time I went out and jogged, in my Chinese Tennis shoes, assembled in Malaysia, my fat thighs rubbed together and then my underwear caught on fire.

Got something for that?

 

Have a great weekend, we will of course, see you on Monday.

OOO

Pocket Change

Been raining a lot here, yesterday was the 10th day in a row, so I have been spending a great deal of time watching television.  There is a commercial currently running that I just cannot seem to grasp.  It is a Hallmark Card commercial, I like Hallmark Cards, and they seem to stir something deep inside that is an old familiar feeling.

The newer versions that have the music in them are a kick in the … well …. I like them too.  Not long ago the grand babies got me one and it was childish, immature, and it brought a smile to my old tired face.

Hallmark is alright, they are aces in my book.

Two cards that readily come to mind are the old professor and the girl who becomes a teacher (“I have misplaced my glasses would you read it to me?”).  The other is the small Italian kid, who delivers the card to the foxy older gal, and she gives him a kiss for a reward and the next day her doorstep is full of young boys.

These two commercials stand out.

We also watch the Hallmark specials that run from time to time, because we consider them wholesome and quality programming.  Out of all their programming, the commercial that would apply to me would be the old coot in the nursing home.  If Hallmark made a card for me, it would be close to the “cranky old uncle in the nursing home” that gets a card on his birthday.

In this commercial that is currently running, the wife is slipping into the husbands’ pockets a card and then later on she is shown handing him the jacket as he hurriedly leaves for work.  The kids are at the breakfast table and the pace is fast and loose, typical America.

Another rushed thru breakfast where no one is actually talking to each other, time is of the essence, and no one in the room, has time for family. Typical American faire, too busy living to be living would sum it up.

The husband scoops up the jacket, grabs the cup of coffee on the run, and heads out the door.  He then briefly re-appears with the card in his hand, embraces the wife, and then blurts out, “And I love you too honey!” or some other sappy line that escapes me at the moment.

This is the part that kind of sticks in my craw, I just for the life cannot get into it.  I know it is supposed to register a familiar chord with the man of the house, and we are inclined to respond in like fashion, but hey, let’s get real here.

This is close, but it doesn’t get any cigar.

My wife is in my pockets all the time, she has for over thirty years dropped by from time to time and rummaged thru the cloth depositories of this and that.  I can truthfully, equivocally say, that I have never, ever, received any kind of refund of change or paper money from the family laundry or the through search and seizure of coinage or bills in my pockets.  And furthermore … She has NEVER at any point in time, stuck a card in there.

She has deftly removed car keys, handkerchiefs, numerous twenty-dollar bills, lunch money, receipts, gum, candy, fun money, mad money, gas money … But never has she has never so much as left a card or note.  If she had, it would tersely read “I need you to pick up milk at the store or don’t forget the kids at daycare, I need grocery money today.”  Something tender and touching like that.

My absolute favorite has to be the Reo Speedwagon commercial.  Now there is one commercial that hits really close to the house.

The old rockers in the car, where he opens up the card and they hear the old music and they are mystically transported back to another place in time, and then suddenly meet in the middle of the car for a passionate embrace and lip lock.


That is a good commercial, that makes you smile.

This card in the pocket thing is okay, but like they say in my neck of the woods, “that dawg aint gonna hunt” it doesn’t fit, its not hot enough from a male perspective.  As we all know, it is truly hard for one to love someone who is constantly living in your pockets!

(Yeah I know, don’t write me any letters)

OOO

Talkin’ The Talk

"Yeah no joke, it was there one minute and then whoosh it was gone!"

“Yeah no joke, it was there one minute, and then whoosh, it was all gone!”

Turned on the television and there was my favorite Texas Waddie explaining to the American people the current economic mess we seem to find ourselves immersed in. “We currently have a shortage of some $2.5 trillion dollars in the Wall Street Market, and gosh, uh gee whill-ickers, we just don’t know where it went?”

It is not easy being the President of Ameri-kuh. Once again … Proof positive, you can take the boy out of the country, but you cannot take the country out of the boy.

Where he gets this stuff is anyone’s guess. It reminds me of the story where the old man and woman are sitting in the kitchen and the kid comes home from college for the holidays. The old man looks at the boy and says, “Son, give me and your mama some of the benefits of that there Kollege edumaycayshun you been getting.”

So the boy thinks a little bit and then replies, “Eisenstein is quoted as saying pi is square.” The old man looks at the woman and says, “See, I told you it was a waste of time sending him to kollege, corn bread are square … pie is round!”

Education has taken a backseat to a lot of things in this country. It doesn’t seem all that important, and this will come back to haunt us, it is a tragic mistake.

Not long ago, someone sponsored a bill to make English the national language in this country, but it didn’t make it thru Congress. Recently in Oklahoma and several other states similar legislation was attempted and failed, trying to accomplish the very same goal.

Then later on, someone in Oakland, California suggested that “Ebonics” might be good for grade school children, which was a street based version of slang communication. It is currently being used quite a bit on Rap CD’s, Hip-Hop music and has enjoyed wide circulation on MTV.

Me?

I just butcher it up to the best of my abilities and keep right on trucking most of the time. English, I confess, has not always been my strongest suite. Communication is my strongest attribute, I am a pretty good story teller and I use any and all forms to do this in an effective manner.

And then you come across the people who just flat out, do not know how to put it (the language) to good use and effectively communicate in our culture. Here is a prime example that I found this morning surfing the net:

“What is your education for, anyway?” blogging on this site is wreched ok so i have tried to post like 2 time already(that would make this my third attempt) and i’m just going to throw this out there i don’t get blogging. like it doesn’t make sence why cant we all get together and have a conversation, or atleast chat over scype…i understand that this has the advantage of anyone being able to chime in at an time but i can never rember to come on and then when i do it like never gets posted!!!! AHHH

This (the text above) was lifted in its entirety and has not been corrected. I like the header … “What is your education for, anyway?”Uh … Better living thru chemistry?

It is also pretty frightening when you stop to consider it was written (according to the blog author) on a college students’ site. Unfortunately, he is not the exception to the rule, but more so, the norm in this country.

It is no wonder that this country is slowly going to hell in a hand basket.

Seven out of ten sixth-graders believe Pearl Harbor was some woman who used to sing country music tunes. They know who “Beavis & Butt-head” are, but cannot identify the Vice President of the United States, tell you the capitol of Kansas, really don’t know ho to make change for a twenty, other than from your hand to theirs and that is about it.

Recently I read a survey that said 63% of high school seniors move their lips when they read and this I suppose the survey doesn’t even include the ones who cannot read a lick to begin with. Our kids are in the fast lane to Moronville because there is not enough discipline in the classrooms.

Remember those late, great school house days of yesteryear, when hard-a** teachers would slap the fire out of a kid just for the fun of it. Some would say that is what we need more of today. I am not all that big on discipline, having received my fair share of it as a child. But we do need one thing for sure:

What we need is compulsory learning AND discipline.

When all those bleeding-heart liberals banned paddles from the classroom, we might as well have locked the school house doors. When you can get 75 days in the county jail for spanking your own kid for skipping school, then you might as well hang it up. Maybe we need to get back to the “Old Days” for a brief period, and make a necessary course correction for our country.

This why we end up with college students who write:

“Who needs school? Why reads a book, when you can see the movie, stay in an plays Nintendo. Why graduate, when you can sell crack and ride in’s a limo?”

And a sitting Lame Duck U.S. President that says:

Reading is the basics for all learning. Put food on your family. The senator cannot have it both ways. He can’t take the high horse and then claim the low road. Never squat down with your spurs on.”

Not being an expert in language like I said, I don’t believe the above is exactly correct, politically speaking or otherwise.

Two Point Five Trillion dollars  … That is a lot of bucks, wonder where it went?  C’mon Dubyah, give us some good news, tell us something we don’t know.

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Related: The Old Days

Parting shot: “It is important for parents to live the same things they teach.”