Jus Sayin 01-06-17

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It is not easy, sitting here, 24/7 writing all this, five days per week.  No wait a minute, is that right?  531 words just for you, now tell me, “don’tcha feel kinda special.  The PUMP-HOUSE GANG IS NOW LONG GONE, AS AS USUAL, IT WAS ALL ABOUT GRANDMA.

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The Yokohama Mama Express …

images-7Some mornings overwhelm me, I will make no bones about it.  Often life can deal me a hand that I simply do not want to play, but I take a turn anyway.  Early morning is a special time of the day, but it can also be empty and meaningless, much too often this applies in my life. 

But from time to time, life offers up a mystery or a time of joy, and I guess in the end, that what makes it all worth it? Continue reading

Time In A Bottle

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As the day of celebration inches closer, I am thinking of love, Valentine’s, issues of spring and memories of times long past.  At one time or another, I was considered a pretty romantic devil and knew the words, the moves, the good decisions in life came freely to me. Now I am old gray dog, that just wants to sleep on the front porch and bark at the mailman once a day.

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ObamaCare Certified AARP Health Care Professional Drama

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My back is cold and I am lying here on the paper, looking up at the ceiling, and I know I have been in this room before.

How?  The tiles look very familiar, the Dr. walks in, “What is going on today Mr. Smith?”

I always like that, how they refer to me as “Mister Smith.”  A sign of respect, honor, dignity, something I am totally unaccustomed to, believe me.

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Just Give Them Cash And Be Done With It.

TBR 2010 Day Three 006My wife took me shopping for a M&M’s NASCAR jacket.  This has been on my Bucket List for quite some time now, a U.P.S. brown racing jacket for an old coot to style in.

As we were leaving the first or second mall, Cup Cake looks down and she abruptly pulls me up (sort of like reigning in an old horse or a mule) and says, “Your shoe lace is untied.

So I look down, and low and behold it is, I dutifully drop to one knee and assume the position, I proceed to put a double loop in it, and fix the errant troublemaker so that I will no longer have this problem.

Having completed my temporary stop for repairs, I start to rise, and she gently places her hand on my shoulder, and pushes down firmly and I look up, “What the —— now?

She says, rather sternly as if she is talking to a small child, “Now do the other one.“ Which to a man is stoooooopid, why do you have to do the other one, if the other one is okay, and it was.

But doing some quick thinking I remember that I have been here before, and a “wise man never wakes his second sleeping baby just to see it smile.“ So I tie the other shoe, or rather, untie the other shoe, and then re-tie the other shoe. (You following all this?) 

While I am in this position, feeling the familiar pangs of insanity coursing thru my brain, I look up at her, and I say “Darling, will you marry me here, right now at the Mall!

And she giggles, at the same time, an elderly couple who are walking by and overhear my capricious statement and they stop.

The wife she smiles real big and kind of laughs and the husband offers up, “I am a preacher son, I can marry you right now on the spot!“ So I say to him, “For real? You are an honest to goodness preacher, for real?” and again he replies in the affirmative.

I quickly get up from my bent one knee position and say, “Thanks for the offer Padre, but that is where all my problems began to start with!

Four malls later, one trip to the Food Court for a round of give it to me quick and make it really greasy, we come home, sans jacket.

She however has found this stainless steel, pressure cooker thingy for the kitchen, or at least I think it is for the kitchen. All I know it is not my color and it will not fit on the dog, so it must be for the kitchen?

One last thing and then I will leave all of you alone.

I didn’t find the jacket, but I still got the girl, and that is all that really matters.  Instead of distracting yourself with thoughts of what or who would be better in your life, see if you can find a way to make the relationship you’re already in as good as it can be.

Happily married couples know that regardless of what happens in life, yesterday, last month, a couple of years ago or what might happen today, tomorrow, or next year — That Now — is the only place where happiness can actually be found and experienced.

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Punked Out Again …

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New President of Sony

My diatribe today will be like a Mini Skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to hold your attention.  When I see all of these Executive Press Conference updates, all these smiling political monkeys telling me “it is going to be alright, we are on top of it.

I just wonder where I can buy the Med’s they are taking?

You ever notice that after a major crisis, how the government is quick to rush in and assign blame.  “They should have called me.  They did this last year to South Korea.  We know the who, what, where and why of it all.”  This would be what I refer to as the Pearl Harbor Syndrome, wait until the actual attack and then go to work.  Bark, bark goes the dog, and as usual, when he reaches the end of the chain, nothing is done.

Like it or not, this is why other countries are more successful than America.  They isolate a problem, they figure out a solution to the problem, and the old blame game never enters into it. 

This week the Sony Corporation caved and the entire world changed, and no one even noticed.

Would like to think this out some more, but I have to leave for my new job, it doesn’t pay to be late in this present economy.  I went to work for Weight Watchers on the Weekend (Stay hooked up on my regular gig during the week).  They are paying me seven dollars an hour.  I stand in the corner and they point at me and say stuff like … “If you keep eating do-nuts, this is what you are going to look like.”

Hey … It’s gas money, what can I say?

Right now I am so hungry, I could eat the rear-end out of a dead skunk.  But she won’t let me bring it in the house.  The vote is in, 1-1, the wife wins again.

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Close Encounters

The monkey never learns.  You see, the monkey he loves brown rice, and he knows that if he sticks his hand inside the enclosure, he is going to get shocked.  He knows that it will hurt and it will cause him pain, but he loves the rice, so he sticks his hand in the enclosure one more time.

The room seemed incredibly warm, it could have been the wine, sometimes it has that effect on me.  Looking across the table, she radiates her beauty and everything has that feeling of being just right.  The food is excellent, the waiter is most attentive, and my woman is smiling back at me.  I am not hitting all of them out of the park, but I believe I am getting some base hits, it is going to be a good night.

After dinner, I tell her, “I have a surprise for you.”

She looks at me, and then says, “Oh yeah, what could you have after all this?  This was terrific.”

Sliding her chair out from the table, I reach down and grab her hand, and then smile, “Walk this way my dear.”

The hallway is basically empty and there are not a lot of people about for a Friday night, I am somewhat surprised.  Walking over to the elevator, I punch the button marked up and the doors open.

She looks at me and says, “What’s going on?”  I just smile my toothy smile and say … “Be patient.”

Short ride up to the room, I slip the plastic card into the magnetic card reader, the little green light illuminates and there is a distinct metallic click.  Opening the door, we walk into the room and she smiles, and then says to me, “Ohhhhh, this is nice.”

So far so good.

I pull her close to me and I breathe in the scent that is my woman, she feels good in my arms, she not only entices me, she excites me at the same time.  I kiss her softly and then say to her, “Let’s make love.”

She says, “No we better not.”  I am taken back, after all of my scheming, my planning, all of this, she says “NO?”

I ask her why …. She says “the boys might hear us.”

Which just flabbergasts me to no end, I have heard this before, I have heard it far too many times in my life.

Desperately trying to hold onto what sanity I have left I say … “What?  Are you kidding me?”

She says, “No.  SOMEONE will hear us.”

So I reason with her, maybe this will work.  “No one is going to hear anything, let’s get it on.”

She looks at me with those big brown eyes, eyes a man could drown in, and says “Give me one good reason.”

I sigh, and say “Okay.  I will give you two.

#1 … Listen, the boys are grown and long gone, the youngest one is 39 years old for cryin’ out loud.

And #2 … we are at the Marriott Inn.”

The poor, poor monkey … he never learns.

OOO

Fishin’ Around

You ever watch this movie “Ghost?”  It stars Whoopie Goldberg, Demi Moore and the late Patrick Swayzee.  I am watching this thing today, doing a lot of television, because of the winter storms.  There is a scene in this movie, where Swayzee is standing across the street from the shop where Whoopie is set up telling peoples’ fortunes.  He is at this time a ghost.  He has been killed.  He is desperate and searching for an elusive something?

Still with me here?  Good.

Now this “ghost” see’s her sign and decides to cross the street in order to investigate further.  Now here is the part that cracks me up.  Swayzee, steps off the sidewalk and into the street …. Now before walking across this street, he “LOOKS BOTH WAYS” for automobiles!  Which kind of amuses me, if you are a ghost, and you are already dead, why do you check for cars before you cross the street?

Going to be a long winter boys & girls … A long winter indeed.

Teenager walking home from school stops at the local pet shop and purchases two gold fish, and then as his second stop, he drops by the Chinese Restaurant and gets an order of Chop Suey to go.  Both are in similar containers, little white boxes, metal handles.  Upon reaching his home, he goes upstairs, opens the box and dumps the contents of the box into the fishbowl.

Unfortunately for him.  It is the Chop Suey, he has chosen the wrong box.  He is standing there looking at all of this floating around in the bowl, and his father happens to walk down the hallway, he sees the Chop Suey, and enters the room.

“What’s that?” he asks the boy, and the boy replies, “Chop Suey.” The father stands there for a moment or two and then says, “Okay, I guess it is alright.  But you are taking care of it.  Don’t expect me or your mother to feed it for you.”

Which believe it or not, brings us to my wife.

My wife, bless her heart, I love her too death.  But she will often rag me about allowing my silverware to lie on the table at the eatery.  This drives her insane (a short trip on some days I might add) when I do this.  I will lay my tools on the table and she will go off on me like you would not believe!

I will say, “What in the world is the matter with you woman?” and then she will, usually in great detail, explain to me the inner workings of the Atlanta Disease Control Center, and vividly describe every known virus, bacterial infection, or whatever, that ever spent one nano-second on this planet.  In no uncertain terms describe every known virus, plague all the way back to the time of Moses’ and the forty-years wandering in the desert sands of Egypt.

Now when you have a person sitting right across from you doing this, vividly explaining how parts of your anatomy are going to rot off and fall on the floor, simply because you did not lay your tools on the napkin. Well, that can be a tad bit disconcerting to the average guy, to say nothing as to what it will do for your appetite.

Recently we were in Houston, Texas, and took the kid’s and the grand-babies out to eat.  We were steered to a suitable location and we all sat down and prepared for the meal and some conversation.  About that time, my daughter-in-law reaches into this bag thingy that has all the baby stuff in it, and produces a box of these small orange crackers that are called “Gold Fish.”

She opens the box, and dumps a copious amount of the items STRAIGHT ONTO THE TABLE right in front of me and my wife.

So I turn and I look at my wife, who by the way, seems oblivious to it all.  After a considerable amount of time, what I considered reasonable, I look at my wife and I say:  “Now will you look at that!  She dumped all those crackers on that table and that baby is eating them, what about that?  Huh, huh?  What about that?  How can she do that, and you sit here and say nothing.  Answer me that.”

My wife thought about it for a small amount of time (about a fraction of a second actually) and then said to me:  “That is her baby.  And you are mine.” Give it up men, you cannot win.  Just pack it in and move on.

Have a great weekend, we will see you all on Monday.

OOO

Leave My Baby Alone

Again television gives us evidence that it is the sole gate keeper of cultural anemia in this country.  This is news?  O’bammer is upset because he asserts that the press has been picking on his wife. 

He said “these folks should lay off my wife, if they think they are going to try to make Michelle an issue in this campaign, they should be careful because that I find unacceptable.”  

Yawn?

Best get used to it.  Political wives have always been fair game.  Back in the 19th century Andrew Jackson’s wife, Rachel, was pilloried mercilessly, possibly even driven to an early grave, for marrying Old Hickory before her divorce was final.  Eleanor Roosevelt was caricatured as a busybody, Nancy Reagan as a profligate spender, Hillary Clinton as a ruthless shadow president and Teresa Heinz Kerry, Cindy McCain have all come under fire. 

If it is too hot in the kitchen, maybe it is time to get out.  I mean, if you cannot take the heat now, what are you gonna do later on in the White House?

Holy Crap!  The poop-shooter on the space station has gone on the fritz and is not working.  Well actually, the poop side is doing okay, it is the urination side that has shut down.  NASA is gearing up to send up some replacement parts to fix it but state that “weight is a problem” on the next shuttle launch and it all has to be accounted for. I was talking over the backyard fence to my neighbor about it and I asked her, “what would you do?” and she shrugged her shoulders and said, “depends?”

So the good news is … the fix is in the works, the bad news is …. Don’t go outside for a little while.

The news on the Mar’s Lander?  Have you heard?  The radio has shut down and there are no communications between the humans on earth and the machine on the planet or the robotic orbiter circling the planet, telling the Lander what to do. 

Dig rocks.  Find stuff.  Tell us, what is stuff …. Okay, tell us what you think stuff is?  For this we are coughing up billions in federal dollars? 

In another related story.  Nearly 25 years in the making and some $1 billion spent in the process, the space lab Kibo is scheduled for a weekend launch, story is on page six, oh I am sorry, you don’t have a page six. 

Send in your check anyway.  Pay to the order of Mr. George Dubya Bush, NASA, I am pretty sure they will cash it.

Uh, we will skip the resume if that is alright.  A teenager who once said he was “training to become a serial killer” rejected an offer from prosecutors that he plead guilty to reduced charges and serve a 50 year sentence in Florida.  Training to be a serial killer?  I knew the job market in America was bad, but this? 

This is pretty bad.

Researchers have just released data that suggests that long term exposure to lead will lead to criminal activities later on in life.  Some of the information shows that lead has harmful effects on judgment, cognitive function and the ability to regulate behavior.  Now if I remember right, lead is also a major additive in motor fuel, so this might explain the attitude of California Drivers. 

They are after all breathing tons of the stuff in the atmosphere of Southern California and the LA Basin.  This could very well be the major component of Road Rage in America, breathing bad air.

In 1988 there were 554 active oil rigs in the U.S. drilling and locating fossil fuels.  In 1998 that number dropped to 198 and this week, the number of active rigs operating in the country … 297.  This might explain why they are not having a lot of success finding new sources, doesn’t seem like they are looking very hard for it. On the same note, over 300 refinieries, now we are down to 139 and counting.

Meanwhile, the price of gasoline went up another four cents yesterday ….. Bob didn’t show up for work after the weekend … we don’t know where he is.

There you go!  Today’s offering of anodyne observations to amuse or confuse. 

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